"Just Wait"

A while back on Facebook, I shared a link about one mom's parenting experience with the phrase, "Just wait."

I really connected with her blog about "negative naysayers" and felt encouraged to make sure that I was a parent who always aimed to speak JOY, BLESSING, and ENCOURAGEMENT into the lives of other parents. Some people say that it's nice to hear how other people struggle when you're struggling, and that may be true, but telling another mom how horrible things WILL be (most likely), as if to "helpfully" warn them (or really just take their joy down a few levels because you yourself aren't experiencing that joy and feel insecure about it) is not just discouraging; it's causing parents to expect (and become content with) the worst instead of seek miracles of hope and healing from God that really can happen.

I experienced this constantly with Eli, from being told that natural birth was nearly impossible, not to mention a horrific experience ("just wait - you'll ask for the drugs"), to how difficult breastfeeding would be ("just wait - he could have failure to thrive if you don't supplement with formula"), to the extreme lack of sleep ("just wait - if you think you're sleep deprived NOW...you'll be a walking zombie!"). Well, I can honestly say that NONE of these predictions have been accurate (or the least bit helpful or encouraging), and I attribute that to a combination of seeking God in everything, and being obedient to His direction on how to find strength and how to parent. When we were successful in sleep-training Eli using Babywise (he started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks, was sleeping 9 hours at 9 weeks, and has been able to self-soothe and maintain an 11-12 hour night ever since), we got two reactions:

1. Babywise is EVIL. Why would your torment your child with that filth!??!?
2. Well, yeah, that might have worked with Eli because he was just an easy baby anyway! "JUST WAIT" until the next one...it won't be so easy!

First of all, I encourage anyone who is anti-Babywise to actually read the darn thing. We read the whole thing first (skeptically), and didn't find anything particularly extreme about it. In fact, it seemed to be one of the more moderate parenting approaches we found, but also made a lot of sense. Granted, we didn't use it like a play-by-play handbook; we took the concepts of it, which are largely based in Biblical principle, and applied it to our particular situation. For instance, understanding that a new baby is an amazing gift from God as an addition to a family, but NOT the center of the Universe; the marriage relationship should come first, and if there are other children, they also need to feel important and loved. If the sleeping habits of the baby are causing separation or strife in the marital relationship, there is a problem. Also, on a purely physical/metabolic level, when a baby eats more, they are able to go longer without being hungry. By simply encouraging a good eating pattern early on, and then eventually helping them get some play/stimulation/wake time, the quality and quantity of their sleep will improve. Lastly, every time a baby cries, it doesn't mean their hungry (in fact, they will accept food even when they aren't hungry because it's comforting, but then their metabolism will rely on that snacking pattern, and they won't learn other methods of comforting, like rocking, singing, snuggling with a blankie, etc.) - understanding your baby's cues and cries is REALLY important, and will help you make well-informed parenting decisions based on each individual need of the baby. We found that by following these simple concepts, Eli very naturally fell into a great sleep pattern, and learned to soothe himself to sleep very early on (and yet, he still LOVES affection, reading books and cuddling before bed, talking and laughing with us, being held and comforted when he gets a boo-boo, running up to us happily after playing in the church nursery, and all the other completely normal behaviors of a well-attached baby). AND, we rarely had to let him just cry it out - the few times we did it, he only cried for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, and then went right to sleep, because **we started early enough.** Trust me, I was a Human Development major with concentrations in developmental psychology and neurodevelopment - this kid is well attached and very healthy. In fact, he's probably the most content, happy, sweet little boy I've ever seen. And despite reaction number 2......

We started the same program with Eden very early on, and found that she certainly was a very different baby! She struggles with reflux, tummy troubles/gas, colic, AND is not a great eater. The first couple weeks were hard, as you might gather from my last post. But, I really think that God allowed all of that in order to show us (and others) how faithful He is and what He can do, even when the situation is not inherently easy. In other words, I don't think people would take us seriously had we not had some type of struggle, and Eden's struggles were by FAR worse than most of the other babies I had seen whose parents had 101 excuses as to why Babywise (or any degree of routine) just wouldn't work for them. We've been there. And come out the other side. And lived to talk about it.

The hardest part with Eden was the number one rule of Babywise - getting a full feeding at every feeding. She would snack and pass out, or throw it all up, or just not want to re-latch after she let go. I eventually learned that I could feed her for about 5-10 minutes, burp her, have some wake time (changing diapers always helped wake her up!), and then feed her a second time for 5ish minutes. At first, she would pass out during the second feeding, at which point I would just lay her down for a nap. But eventually, she would stay awake for some more play time after the second feeding, so we would end up having a modified feed-wake-feed-wake-sleep pattern, and then take a nice long nap. I also made sure to put her down in her crib for naps, which she didn't mind at all (remember, starting early prevents bad habits from forming). We would get cuddle and bonding time in during feeding and wake time, and then she would have some nice, quiet, restful naptime in her own crib. Her naps would usually last at least 1-2 hours because she got nice and full from her series of feedings. And, because she didn't gulp it all down at once, most of it stayed down a lot better (and using the Zantac really helped her be more comfortable when it did come back up), so she slept much more peacefully. After a few days of this, her night time colic pretty much subsided! We think it's because she was overall much more rested, and her digestive system was much better regulated. We also did the basic things like limiting my intake of dairy and gassy foods, and propping her more upright to sleep, but without the routine, none of these things seemed to make a difference before.

So, after a few challenging weeks of really trying to maintain this pattern, and working hard to lay her down for naps(when it was SO easy to just let her fall asleep on me!), keep her awake for good, stimulating play times, and even a handful of times letting her cry for a few minutes before falling asleep when we knew she wasn't hungry or poopy and we just needed some time for our marriage or with Eli, we finally saw the fruit of our prayers and consistency. At 6 weeks, Eden was sleeping in her own crib in her own room at night, which left Jake and I free to actually sleep deeply without all the little changes in breathing, clicks, and coos. At 7.5 weeks, she started sleeping between 6 and 6.5 hours at night - which is technically considered "sleeping through the night." She has been doing this for almost a week now, and though it varies from 5.5 to 6.5 hours, and is usually between 9:30pm and 4:30am (meaning I still have to get up once to feed her before official "wake time" at 6 or 7am), this is a HUGE deal for a baby with reflux, colic, and a poor feeder! God is SO good, and the increased sleep seems to be leading to fewer and fewer bouts of crying, too! It's all a giant cycle, and the consistency in the first few weeks when it is most challenging really paid off! Of course, we still have a ways to go, but these long, uninterrupted periods of sleep have really helped all of us. I have so much more energy during the day, and my milk supply is getting better because I am so well-rested. Even emotionally and spiritually, I feel SO much better, and that has impacted the quality of my time with Jake and Eli. What a blessing! Our bodies were made for REST - even God rested after 6 days! And I am so thankful that He has given us the guidance we need to be able to acquire it. SO! Whether you're expecting a little one, a new parent, or aren't even a parent yet, JUST WAIT! You are not doomed to any one fate, and God has amazing joy and blessings in store for you, if you would only seek Him and learn to listen! :)