A while back on Facebook, I shared a link about one mom's parenting experience with the phrase, "Just wait."
I really connected with her blog about "negative naysayers" and felt encouraged to make sure that I was a parent who always aimed to speak JOY, BLESSING, and ENCOURAGEMENT into the lives of other parents. Some people say that it's nice to hear how other people struggle when you're struggling, and that may be true, but telling another mom how horrible things WILL be (most likely), as if to "helpfully" warn them (or really just take their joy down a few levels because you yourself aren't experiencing that joy and feel insecure about it) is not just discouraging; it's causing parents to expect (and become content with) the worst instead of seek miracles of hope and healing from God that really can happen.
I experienced this constantly with Eli, from being told that natural birth was nearly impossible, not to mention a horrific experience ("just wait - you'll ask for the drugs"), to how difficult breastfeeding would be ("just wait - he could have failure to thrive if you don't supplement with formula"), to the extreme lack of sleep ("just wait - if you think you're sleep deprived NOW...you'll be a walking zombie!"). Well, I can honestly say that NONE of these predictions have been accurate (or the least bit helpful or encouraging), and I attribute that to a combination of seeking God in everything, and being obedient to His direction on how to find strength and how to parent. When we were successful in sleep-training Eli using Babywise (he started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks, was sleeping 9 hours at 9 weeks, and has been able to self-soothe and maintain an 11-12 hour night ever since), we got two reactions:
1. Babywise is EVIL. Why would your torment your child with that filth!??!?
2. Well, yeah, that might have worked with Eli because he was just an easy baby anyway! "JUST WAIT" until the next one...it won't be so easy!
First of all, I encourage anyone who is anti-Babywise to actually read the darn thing. We read the whole thing first (skeptically), and didn't find anything particularly extreme about it. In fact, it seemed to be one of the more moderate parenting approaches we found, but also made a lot of sense. Granted, we didn't use it like a play-by-play handbook; we took the concepts of it, which are largely based in Biblical principle, and applied it to our particular situation. For instance, understanding that a new baby is an amazing gift from God as an addition to a family, but NOT the center of the Universe; the marriage relationship should come first, and if there are other children, they also need to feel important and loved. If the sleeping habits of the baby are causing separation or strife in the marital relationship, there is a problem. Also, on a purely physical/metabolic level, when a baby eats more, they are able to go longer without being hungry. By simply encouraging a good eating pattern early on, and then eventually helping them get some play/stimulation/wake time, the quality and quantity of their sleep will improve. Lastly, every time a baby cries, it doesn't mean their hungry (in fact, they will accept food even when they aren't hungry because it's comforting, but then their metabolism will rely on that snacking pattern, and they won't learn other methods of comforting, like rocking, singing, snuggling with a blankie, etc.) - understanding your baby's cues and cries is REALLY important, and will help you make well-informed parenting decisions based on each individual need of the baby. We found that by following these simple concepts, Eli very naturally fell into a great sleep pattern, and learned to soothe himself to sleep very early on (and yet, he still LOVES affection, reading books and cuddling before bed, talking and laughing with us, being held and comforted when he gets a boo-boo, running up to us happily after playing in the church nursery, and all the other completely normal behaviors of a well-attached baby). AND, we rarely had to let him just cry it out - the few times we did it, he only cried for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, and then went right to sleep, because **we started early enough.** Trust me, I was a Human Development major with concentrations in developmental psychology and neurodevelopment - this kid is well attached and very healthy. In fact, he's probably the most content, happy, sweet little boy I've ever seen. And despite reaction number 2......
We started the same program with Eden very early on, and found that she certainly was a very different baby! She struggles with reflux, tummy troubles/gas, colic, AND is not a great eater. The first couple weeks were hard, as you might gather from my last post. But, I really think that God allowed all of that in order to show us (and others) how faithful He is and what He can do, even when the situation is not inherently easy. In other words, I don't think people would take us seriously had we not had some type of struggle, and Eden's struggles were by FAR worse than most of the other babies I had seen whose parents had 101 excuses as to why Babywise (or any degree of routine) just wouldn't work for them. We've been there. And come out the other side. And lived to talk about it.
The hardest part with Eden was the number one rule of Babywise - getting a full feeding at every feeding. She would snack and pass out, or throw it all up, or just not want to re-latch after she let go. I eventually learned that I could feed her for about 5-10 minutes, burp her, have some wake time (changing diapers always helped wake her up!), and then feed her a second time for 5ish minutes. At first, she would pass out during the second feeding, at which point I would just lay her down for a nap. But eventually, she would stay awake for some more play time after the second feeding, so we would end up having a modified feed-wake-feed-wake-sleep pattern, and then take a nice long nap. I also made sure to put her down in her crib for naps, which she didn't mind at all (remember, starting early prevents bad habits from forming). We would get cuddle and bonding time in during feeding and wake time, and then she would have some nice, quiet, restful naptime in her own crib. Her naps would usually last at least 1-2 hours because she got nice and full from her series of feedings. And, because she didn't gulp it all down at once, most of it stayed down a lot better (and using the Zantac really helped her be more comfortable when it did come back up), so she slept much more peacefully. After a few days of this, her night time colic pretty much subsided! We think it's because she was overall much more rested, and her digestive system was much better regulated. We also did the basic things like limiting my intake of dairy and gassy foods, and propping her more upright to sleep, but without the routine, none of these things seemed to make a difference before.
So, after a few challenging weeks of really trying to maintain this pattern, and working hard to lay her down for naps(when it was SO easy to just let her fall asleep on me!), keep her awake for good, stimulating play times, and even a handful of times letting her cry for a few minutes before falling asleep when we knew she wasn't hungry or poopy and we just needed some time for our marriage or with Eli, we finally saw the fruit of our prayers and consistency. At 6 weeks, Eden was sleeping in her own crib in her own room at night, which left Jake and I free to actually sleep deeply without all the little changes in breathing, clicks, and coos. At 7.5 weeks, she started sleeping between 6 and 6.5 hours at night - which is technically considered "sleeping through the night." She has been doing this for almost a week now, and though it varies from 5.5 to 6.5 hours, and is usually between 9:30pm and 4:30am (meaning I still have to get up once to feed her before official "wake time" at 6 or 7am), this is a HUGE deal for a baby with reflux, colic, and a poor feeder! God is SO good, and the increased sleep seems to be leading to fewer and fewer bouts of crying, too! It's all a giant cycle, and the consistency in the first few weeks when it is most challenging really paid off! Of course, we still have a ways to go, but these long, uninterrupted periods of sleep have really helped all of us. I have so much more energy during the day, and my milk supply is getting better because I am so well-rested. Even emotionally and spiritually, I feel SO much better, and that has impacted the quality of my time with Jake and Eli. What a blessing! Our bodies were made for REST - even God rested after 6 days! And I am so thankful that He has given us the guidance we need to be able to acquire it. SO! Whether you're expecting a little one, a new parent, or aren't even a parent yet, JUST WAIT! You are not doomed to any one fate, and God has amazing joy and blessings in store for you, if you would only seek Him and learn to listen! :)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Adjusting to Life with Two
Wow, I can't believe how fast the time has flown since Eden arrived! She is already 5 weeks old, and I can barely remember being pregnant - or life without her in general, for that matter. I LOVE being able to lay on my back and stomach again, and I was even back in all my pre-pregnancy clothes within a few weeks...but as challenging and tiring as pregnancy can be, I honestly kind of miss the feeling of carrying her around in my tummy and feeling her kick and hiccup. It's kind of sad to think that I might be done with pregnancies entirely, though Jake AND my mother seem convinced that I'm not done yet. Regardless, we're not done with babies, as we are definitely still hoping to adopt at some point.
Eli is adjusting well to having a new baby sister, especially since he had absolutely NO concept of what was happening with my belly and why there were new baby clothes all over the place. He is a "young" 18 month old, and was way more concerned with the buttons on the hospital bed than the fact there was a living, breathing, miniature human in mommy's arms. Even though there are challenges of having them so close in age (like his lack of understanding, and all the obliviously rough play behavior that comes with it), it's actually been REALLY nice because he's not old enough to understand that he can demand my attention; he never got used to being the "center of attention". The new baby is just another thing in his house and when mommy is busy feeding/changing/burping her, that's just how it is. His sweet little mind is still too naive and content to know (or remember) the difference, so there really haven't been many issues on that front. In the last couple weeks, he's been more involved, and has shown interest in rocking her swing, giving her kisses, holding her hand in the car, and giving(/throwing) her pacifier to(/at) her when she's fussy. He also thinks it's **HYSTERICAL** when she cries, which I can't decide is a good or bad thing (at least it doesn't stress him out??). Lastly, we've established that they can both sleep through each other's crying, which is absolutely wonderful.
Some exciting news for Eli is that we got him his very own big-boy bed, which he loves more than pretty much all of his toys combined. We just used a twin mattress on the box-spring right on the floor so he can get on and off easily, and there are no hard surfaces to cause bumps and bruises. We haven't gotten a bed rail yet, but I actually don't think we'll need one. He has fallen off onto the carpeted floor once or twice while rolling around before falling asleep, but didn't make a peep or seem phased at all. Once he's asleep he basically zonks in one or two (albeit very strange) positions for the rest of the night. We got blessed with a GREAT sleeper (well....partially, but we also worked hard to get him into a great routine, and it totally paid off!). When it's nap time or bed time, he gets all excited to climb up there and cuddle up with his blankie. Occasionally he will still get up a few times to read his books or play with his toys (and/or bang them against the door as loudly as he can) *AKA TEST THE BOUNDARIES*. In response, we calmly and firmly lay him back down and remind him that it's time to sleep; not to play. After a couple times, he usually gets it and passes out in his bed. Hopefully, addressing these battles NOW before he's at an age of total defiance will establish a good routine (THE only routine he'll ever remember) so the battles will be much less difficult later on. Note, I'm not expecting NO battles; just strategically planning ahead of time for them! ;)
And on the topic of establishing routines, we are seeing soooo much happening with Eden, too. But let's back up because I think you should know where we started to fully appreciate how far we've come. From about 2.5 seconds after Eden came into the world, she quickly made it clear that she would NOT have the same personality as her calm, collected, content, cool-cucumber of an older brother. Even the delivery nurses were taken aback by the magnitude of this little girl's scream. Jake and I call it her "death cry" because it seriously doesn't even sound human most of the time. As early as the first few days, I noticed some VERY remarkable (good and bad) ways that Eden differed from Eli:
First, she was immediately a "barracuda nurser" (if you're curious, Google it) - while I'm very relieved that both of my children were happy to nurse immediately and appeared to be great eaters, Eli was a very normal latcher and made breastfeeding seem like a piece of cake. Eden, on the other hand, would have just about sucked my nipples clear off of my body if she could have. Combine her ravenous impatience with the normal limits of milk production while I was waiting for my supply to come in, and in about 24 hours, I didn't want anything coming within a 16 foot radius of my badly bruised ta-tas. :( I was deathly afraid that I wouldn't be successful in nursing her because it was WAY too painful and milk letdown doesn't happen as well if you're horribly uncomfortable. I prayed and prayed that my supply would stay up, and that she would somehow become a calmer nurser, and after 1-2 stressful weeks of heavy duty ointment, pumping, and checking the weight scales, our prayers were answered! I can't explain what caused the change except that God heard our cries! Since then, she is still a total snacker; she eats for a few minutes and then either passes out (like out cold, can't-wake-her-up-with-a-wet-washcloth, is-she-still-alive??, kind of passing out), or she stays awake and just won't eat anything more. While it may not seem like a big deal, getting a full feeding at every feeding is the first (and only) rule of thumb in the first weeks with the Babywise program (which we used with Eli and loved loved LOVED, despite everyone's hatred and clear misunderstanding of it), and if she simply snacks, she may sleep for 15-20 minutes, then wake up hungry again, and then be grumpy because she didn't sleep for very long (because she was too hungry)....etc etc...get the picture? While Eli would eat for a good 15-20 minutes on each side, and then sleep for hours, she is QUITE the opposite! The lack of good eating habits has lead to a lack of good sleeping habits; she catnaps but is never fully rested. Don't even get me started on her nighttime sleeping "patterns" ...or lack thereof...
Second, this kid can cry. And does. At pretty much EVERYTHING. It doesn't take much to put her into a frenzy where you think she is clearly going to either make herself pass out, or just die from the drama of it all. With Eli, we could usually tell a hunger cry from a tired cry from a pain cry. In fact, we didn't even hear his pain cry until he was about 4 weeks old when I accidentally clipped the end of his finger while cutting his nails (it was SOOOOOO painful and heart-wrenching for me to hear!!). With Eden, it doesn't matter whether she has the worst heartburn in the world or is just plain bored; all her cries sound like the world is coming to an end. This makes it very difficult to determine the best plan of action in order to address her cries because we never have any idea what is causing them. Most of the time she'll even refuse the breast and push away from our attempts to comfort/cuddle her - let me tell you...that is stressful for a mommy!
"The Mayans were wrong about their predictions in 2012; they just heard Eden's cries and *THOUGHT* it was the end of the world" - Jake
Third, we guessed that some of the crying during the day was caused by reflux and/or food sensitivities. Eli never really had anything like this. As a result, we've put her on Zantac and I've been really careful about my diet (taking out dairy, gassy/spicy foods, etc.). So far, it seems to be helping, at least during the day. However, she definitely has a "witching hour" every night consisting of inconsolable crying for 1-4 hours at a time between dinner and bedtime. This is REALLY typical of colic, which is a separate thing from the reflux. Colic has no known cause, but is probably related to some combination of gas, tummy troubles, over-stimulation, and an immature neurological system. In my next post, I'll talk more about updates with all of this, but for now, just know that we are approaching it with a lot of prayer and trial-and-error...and that more than anything, the prayer seems to be helping, so thank you!!!
Lastly, Eden is incredibly advanced with so many things! We were so worried when Eli wasn't using his arms to roll over much at 4 months. Well, this little chica has rolled over multiple times already, LOVES tummy time (which was Eli's mortal enemy), holds her head up in a very controlled manner without a problem, and has been socially smiling (real, undeniable social smiles, which I'm SUCH a skeptic about given my development background) for at least a week or two now. I have a feeling she is going to continue to surprise and amaze us in the weeks to come!
When it comes down to it, my children (woah..sounds so weird to say!) are incredibly different, but both amazing gifts from God with their own unique giftings and abilities. Eli may be easy and content, but I have to remind myself that sometimes the most "difficult" or "headstrong" children become extremely intelligent, motivated, and passionate adults, and I KNOW that my little girl is going to make her mark in the world somehow. In fact, I'd like to think she's going to do it with STYLE. Haha! In the mean time, I'm doing my best to take each day at a time, raising them to love each other, serve others selflessly, be obedient to their parents, and ultimately seek after God's heart in all things. Right now, that basically means a giant balancing act to make sure both of them feel secure and nurtured, a lot of prayer to welcome God's peaceful Spirit into our home every day, and a HECK of a lot of patience as Eden endures this colicky phase and Eli begins to enter that stage where every boundary has to be thoroughly tested..over and over and over. Thank the Lord that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13), because trust me, I couldn't handle this otherwise! Instead, I'm able to see all of this for what it really is: an amazing, adventurous, growth-producing BLESSING! Big changes are already happening since I started this draft, so stay tuned to hear about Eden's progress and how the Babywise program (and lots of prayer) is really, REALLY working for us! Be blessed!
Eli is adjusting well to having a new baby sister, especially since he had absolutely NO concept of what was happening with my belly and why there were new baby clothes all over the place. He is a "young" 18 month old, and was way more concerned with the buttons on the hospital bed than the fact there was a living, breathing, miniature human in mommy's arms. Even though there are challenges of having them so close in age (like his lack of understanding, and all the obliviously rough play behavior that comes with it), it's actually been REALLY nice because he's not old enough to understand that he can demand my attention; he never got used to being the "center of attention". The new baby is just another thing in his house and when mommy is busy feeding/changing/burping her, that's just how it is. His sweet little mind is still too naive and content to know (or remember) the difference, so there really haven't been many issues on that front. In the last couple weeks, he's been more involved, and has shown interest in rocking her swing, giving her kisses, holding her hand in the car, and giving(/throwing) her pacifier to(/at) her when she's fussy. He also thinks it's **HYSTERICAL** when she cries, which I can't decide is a good or bad thing (at least it doesn't stress him out??). Lastly, we've established that they can both sleep through each other's crying, which is absolutely wonderful.
Some exciting news for Eli is that we got him his very own big-boy bed, which he loves more than pretty much all of his toys combined. We just used a twin mattress on the box-spring right on the floor so he can get on and off easily, and there are no hard surfaces to cause bumps and bruises. We haven't gotten a bed rail yet, but I actually don't think we'll need one. He has fallen off onto the carpeted floor once or twice while rolling around before falling asleep, but didn't make a peep or seem phased at all. Once he's asleep he basically zonks in one or two (albeit very strange) positions for the rest of the night. We got blessed with a GREAT sleeper (well....partially, but we also worked hard to get him into a great routine, and it totally paid off!). When it's nap time or bed time, he gets all excited to climb up there and cuddle up with his blankie. Occasionally he will still get up a few times to read his books or play with his toys (and/or bang them against the door as loudly as he can) *AKA TEST THE BOUNDARIES*. In response, we calmly and firmly lay him back down and remind him that it's time to sleep; not to play. After a couple times, he usually gets it and passes out in his bed. Hopefully, addressing these battles NOW before he's at an age of total defiance will establish a good routine (THE only routine he'll ever remember) so the battles will be much less difficult later on. Note, I'm not expecting NO battles; just strategically planning ahead of time for them! ;)
And on the topic of establishing routines, we are seeing soooo much happening with Eden, too. But let's back up because I think you should know where we started to fully appreciate how far we've come. From about 2.5 seconds after Eden came into the world, she quickly made it clear that she would NOT have the same personality as her calm, collected, content, cool-cucumber of an older brother. Even the delivery nurses were taken aback by the magnitude of this little girl's scream. Jake and I call it her "death cry" because it seriously doesn't even sound human most of the time. As early as the first few days, I noticed some VERY remarkable (good and bad) ways that Eden differed from Eli:
First, she was immediately a "barracuda nurser" (if you're curious, Google it) - while I'm very relieved that both of my children were happy to nurse immediately and appeared to be great eaters, Eli was a very normal latcher and made breastfeeding seem like a piece of cake. Eden, on the other hand, would have just about sucked my nipples clear off of my body if she could have. Combine her ravenous impatience with the normal limits of milk production while I was waiting for my supply to come in, and in about 24 hours, I didn't want anything coming within a 16 foot radius of my badly bruised ta-tas. :( I was deathly afraid that I wouldn't be successful in nursing her because it was WAY too painful and milk letdown doesn't happen as well if you're horribly uncomfortable. I prayed and prayed that my supply would stay up, and that she would somehow become a calmer nurser, and after 1-2 stressful weeks of heavy duty ointment, pumping, and checking the weight scales, our prayers were answered! I can't explain what caused the change except that God heard our cries! Since then, she is still a total snacker; she eats for a few minutes and then either passes out (like out cold, can't-wake-her-up-with-a-wet-washcloth, is-she-still-alive??, kind of passing out), or she stays awake and just won't eat anything more. While it may not seem like a big deal, getting a full feeding at every feeding is the first (and only) rule of thumb in the first weeks with the Babywise program (which we used with Eli and loved loved LOVED, despite everyone's hatred and clear misunderstanding of it), and if she simply snacks, she may sleep for 15-20 minutes, then wake up hungry again, and then be grumpy because she didn't sleep for very long (because she was too hungry)....etc etc...get the picture? While Eli would eat for a good 15-20 minutes on each side, and then sleep for hours, she is QUITE the opposite! The lack of good eating habits has lead to a lack of good sleeping habits; she catnaps but is never fully rested. Don't even get me started on her nighttime sleeping "patterns" ...or lack thereof...
Second, this kid can cry. And does. At pretty much EVERYTHING. It doesn't take much to put her into a frenzy where you think she is clearly going to either make herself pass out, or just die from the drama of it all. With Eli, we could usually tell a hunger cry from a tired cry from a pain cry. In fact, we didn't even hear his pain cry until he was about 4 weeks old when I accidentally clipped the end of his finger while cutting his nails (it was SOOOOOO painful and heart-wrenching for me to hear!!). With Eden, it doesn't matter whether she has the worst heartburn in the world or is just plain bored; all her cries sound like the world is coming to an end. This makes it very difficult to determine the best plan of action in order to address her cries because we never have any idea what is causing them. Most of the time she'll even refuse the breast and push away from our attempts to comfort/cuddle her - let me tell you...that is stressful for a mommy!
Third, we guessed that some of the crying during the day was caused by reflux and/or food sensitivities. Eli never really had anything like this. As a result, we've put her on Zantac and I've been really careful about my diet (taking out dairy, gassy/spicy foods, etc.). So far, it seems to be helping, at least during the day. However, she definitely has a "witching hour" every night consisting of inconsolable crying for 1-4 hours at a time between dinner and bedtime. This is REALLY typical of colic, which is a separate thing from the reflux. Colic has no known cause, but is probably related to some combination of gas, tummy troubles, over-stimulation, and an immature neurological system. In my next post, I'll talk more about updates with all of this, but for now, just know that we are approaching it with a lot of prayer and trial-and-error...and that more than anything, the prayer seems to be helping, so thank you!!!
Lastly, Eden is incredibly advanced with so many things! We were so worried when Eli wasn't using his arms to roll over much at 4 months. Well, this little chica has rolled over multiple times already, LOVES tummy time (which was Eli's mortal enemy), holds her head up in a very controlled manner without a problem, and has been socially smiling (real, undeniable social smiles, which I'm SUCH a skeptic about given my development background) for at least a week or two now. I have a feeling she is going to continue to surprise and amaze us in the weeks to come!
When it comes down to it, my children (woah..sounds so weird to say!) are incredibly different, but both amazing gifts from God with their own unique giftings and abilities. Eli may be easy and content, but I have to remind myself that sometimes the most "difficult" or "headstrong" children become extremely intelligent, motivated, and passionate adults, and I KNOW that my little girl is going to make her mark in the world somehow. In fact, I'd like to think she's going to do it with STYLE. Haha! In the mean time, I'm doing my best to take each day at a time, raising them to love each other, serve others selflessly, be obedient to their parents, and ultimately seek after God's heart in all things. Right now, that basically means a giant balancing act to make sure both of them feel secure and nurtured, a lot of prayer to welcome God's peaceful Spirit into our home every day, and a HECK of a lot of patience as Eden endures this colicky phase and Eli begins to enter that stage where every boundary has to be thoroughly tested..over and over and over. Thank the Lord that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13), because trust me, I couldn't handle this otherwise! Instead, I'm able to see all of this for what it really is: an amazing, adventurous, growth-producing BLESSING! Big changes are already happening since I started this draft, so stay tuned to hear about Eden's progress and how the Babywise program (and lots of prayer) is really, REALLY working for us! Be blessed!
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