The Veil was Torn

It should not come as a suprise that

what began miraculously,
endured miraculously,
and was protected miraculously...

came to completion so miraculously, too.

We are so incredibly blessed to share with you the story of Micah's birth, albeit a bit late and probably lacking some details - so sorry about that! Even after months of concerning contractions and early cervical shortening/dilation following a car accident in July, our tiniest guy patiently waited to make his entrance (and we're so relieved he did) the day before his due date and 4 days after his older sister Abri's birthday. On November 16th at 9:34am, Micah Harrison Bollinger entered the world in one contraction, cushioned by his amniotic sac and ready to defy any odds against him. He weighed a whopping 9 pounds, 4 ounces and was 21.5 inches long (all my other babies were under 7.5 pounds), which made the whole thing even more miraculous!

It was Jake's Army duty weekend and I was nearing my due date. He has duty about an hour away (plus traffic) and it was a little unsettling to think about the chances of him not making it back in time, given how quickly some of my other labors had gone. In the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, I remember feeling a few of the annoying but painless contractions I had been having for months, but this time they seemed to happening with more frequency. I got excited, thinking this might be it, but they quickly puttered out and we awoke the next morning disappointed and honestly quite sick of all these braxton hicks. Give me nothing or true, intense labor (which usually lasts all of 10 minutes for me), but leave the prodomal stuff at the door...PUL-EASE. I was so beyond ready for him to be here that the thought of unmedicated labor actually excited me - most women hit that point in the last week or two of pregnancy for their first baby, maybe around 37 weeks for their second baby....needless to say I had been D-U-N dun since 34 weeks this time. (Little did I know that he was probably close to a healthy birth weight around then anyway - no wonder why I was so worn out running after 3 toddlers all that time!). We went to bed on Sunday night after a day of no action, convinced that it really was just braxton hicks and heartbroken, but trying our best to just let go and trust in God's timing.

Lo and behold, around 4am on Monday morning, I woke up with the weird "gut" feeling again. Contractions hadn't changed at all, and were no more regular than they were a month before, but I just felt differently for some reason. I let my poor husband sleep and figured I'd try walking around a bit to see if I could start the action myself. My mom had come in from Boston a couple weeks prior and was asleep in the guest room, but I didn't want to wake her until we knew it was the real thing. After a few consistent (painless) contractions a few minutes apart, I finally woke Jake up and we decided to head to the hospital just in case (considering I can go from 3cm to a baby in my arms in less than an hour), fully expecting them to send us home. We got in the car at about 5:15am, but very quickly my contractions completely stopped and I realized I forgot my hair spray anyway (SO essential, I know...haha.  But for reals, my hair is like an inch and a half long now - I'm doomed without it), so we turned around and came home. We got home and I figured I wasn't in actually in labor, because labor doesn't just stop like that, so we hung out for a bit.

I had a few more wimpy contractions, and then one noticeably different one that felt like transition in terms of of pressure, but not pain. Suddenly confused and a little nervous, I told Jake we should probably leave again for the hospital. We got there around 6:30am but again, the contractions had mostly stopped or become really wimpy again once we were in the car, and my midwife took one look at me and hinted about probably having to send me home. Still not contracting or even feeling like I was in labor at all, they monitored me for 20 minutes, and sure enough, not a single contraction. Not even a blip in the machine! I felt pretty embarrassed and was basically in the process of packing up my stuff to go home, when they finally checked my cervix.

My midwife smiled. "Well, it's hard to reach, but you're at least at 7cm."

Um what.

...doesn't that mean I should be nearing transition?? Like, as in, having you know, uterine contractions? As in, FEELING SOMETHING?! This was possibly the weirdest labor experience ever. Here I was at 7+cm, chillaxing in the intake room, kind of wanting to just go back to sleep.

I'm NOT complaining, but it so incredibly strange to not even be contracting much, let alone feeling anything. We hung out for a bit, then mosied over to L&D. I was able to enjoy the tub, listen to music, and chat with the best L&D nurse I've ever met (Dalillah at Swedish Issaquah - track her DOWN if you end up there, people!!!). We had specifically asked for minimal staff in the room on our birth plan, so it was pretty much just a relaxing, quiet early morning with Jake, Dalillah and my midwife Kelly intermittently. I probably could have just slept if I wasn't so excited to meet this little guy! I was also pretty stinkin excited that I was having a baby without feeling like I was in labor, quite honestly. SUCH an amazing gift from God and a miracle in and of itself!

After an hour or two, my water still hadn't broken and I still wasn't feeling much at all. I started to get concerned that my labor was stalling like it did with Abri (she was basically stuck at 7-8cm for a while because of her positioning, and it felt very low-intensity as well). With Abri, we finally decided to break my water since I was sick with a cold and exhausted. This time I was doing fine, but figured if we could move labor along and have him out a little sooner without all the waiting, maybe we should consider it (it could be hours and hours more if it was anything like Abri). I mentioned the idea to my midwife, who kind of shrugged and said that we *could* do that if I really wanted to, or we could just wait for my water to break on its own, and,

"maybe you'll have a story to tell."

As she felt my stomach during one of the rare "contractions," she kind of laughed and told me that they were barely anything at all, and that by definition, I wasn't even in labor yet. She suggested we wait a little while longer and then do another cervical check and if I was still around 7, I could decide then. After a few more minutes in the spa chilling to my worship music (our nurse Dalillah loved it, too!), a cervical check confirmed that I was 9+cm! It was reassuring to know that even despite the lack of real contractions/labor pattern, I was progressing and he would (hopefully) be here soon! While in the restroom I felt some pressure with the next contraction but still no real pain. I decided to check myself to see if I "felt" complete (ok...I admittedly have no idea what that would even feel like, but I assumed I'd feel something). Much to my surprise, there was something coming out, but it wasn't hard like a baby's head (??). I asked Jake to look because my first concern was the possibility of a prolapsed cord. My brave, supportive husband who has caught 3/4 of our babies with a smile on his face (he doesn't flinch at ANY of this stuff) was a bit confused and freaked out by what he saw (which didn't look like a baby -haha), so we called the midwife in. She reassured me that it was the bag of water since it hadn't broken yet, and as exciting as it was to know I was so close, I was also a bit confused about how this was all going to go down! I didn't feel any crowning-like pain down there, and yet *something* was coming out of me....how much longer would it take for the head to follow? Could I still have hours left to go? What was happening to my body?? Am I supposed to push now or at least get into pushing position now, or something? WHY DOES IT NOT HURT? And yet, my over-analysis and painless experience was throwing my midwife into fits of giggles. She told me that she had never seen such a pain-free labor in all her practice!

After a few laughs while standing there in my wet bathing suit/bathrobe as the amniotic sac began to emerge, we went through a pretty hysterical process of trying to set up the video camera in an ideal spot to capture the delivery on film. Lots of overanalysis and discussion on my part, partly because I wasn't sure how *I* wanted to be positioned. With Eli I experienced some tailbone pain, so I figured I might want to avoid being on my back, but being on my hands and knees all exposed seemed so embarrassing and awkward to me, and I couldn't see anything that way! I feel like normally you're so outside of yourself during your labor experience that none of these things matter - even the most modest gal has NO problem showin' off ALL the goods to the world in that intense and life-altering moment of birthing a new life! But this time, I was barely in pain, and thus just as aware of my surroundings as I would be any other day or time. It definitely made things more awkward, but don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining!

I experienced a couple more contractions on my hands and knees on the bed - this time I definitely felt the intensity and the pressure, but still almost no pain at all.

Finally, I decided to switch positions (facing forward, but not flat on my back) so I could start pushing and hopefully be able to see and hold little Micah a little more easily. Wish such a great view of the emerging amniotic sac, even the nurses were enthralled. Sweet Dalillah was so excited to see an "en caul" birth that she asked if she could touch the sac while we sat there and chatted! I of course was all, "SURE! Go for it!" It felt warm and soft, and was such an amazing relief to feel versus the intense pressure of a head (my last deliveries were also very easy in their own ways, but the last few minutes of pressure/pushing was not my cup of tea). We took a couple pictures that we will NOT be sharing publicly, just so we can remember this amazing occurrence and exactly what it looked like - we are science nerds like that. A second nurse offered to hold the video camera behind us, and we waited for a contraction whilst laughing and having good conversation (about who knows what...I think I was joking about the midwife draping herself with a towel so the amniotic sac didn't burst all over her).

Seconds into the final contraction, Micah's head emerged completely covered in the amniotic sac. This is called being born "en caul," ("caul" is from the latin Caput galeatum, literally "helmeted head" and is a piece of membrane that covers the newborn's head and face). According to Wikipedia, 

birth with a caul is rare, occurring in fewer than 1 in 80,000 births. This statistic includes caul births (in which the entire body is born enclosed in the sac), which occur more frequently than authentic en-caul births; therefore authentic en-caul births are rarer than the statistic indicates. Most "en-caul" births are premature.

A baby born in this way is often referred to as a "caulbearer," or one "born behind the veil" due to the baby's face being covered. For us it was a very brief but special moment because although he was technically "born" by many medical standards, we caught a glimpse of his cloistered little world, hidden behind a shield of protection. Right before the membrane broke during the delivery of his neck/shoulders, we were able to actually witness Micah's final moments of being "veiled" from the world, though he was already "in it." With a gush of fluid, he left his tiny, solitary environment and joined ours. And my midwife was right - we ended up with such an amazing story to tell!

At this point it was very intense for me (a 9+ pound baby was coming out of me in one contraction!), but I could hear the midwife say that there was meconium (baby's first bowel movement which can sometimes happen in utero, and is dangerous if the baby inhales it during delivery), and to call the "mec unit"...I definitely started freaking out a little bit at that point and just praying that he'd be ok. We've never had any issues with meconium, so this was a first for me. As I'm hearing the calls for the "Mec unit! Mec unit!" suddenly the midwife announced the presence of a nuchal cord (umbilical cord wrapped around Micah's neck - never happened before with us). I pushed through the contraction to deliver his (giant, football-player) shoulders, and little did I know that Jake was instinctively reducing the cord (taking it off from around his neck) with the help of the midwife. There was no "Retreat! Retreat!! Something's wrong!" reaction from this loving, protective daddy! In an almost effortless motion, Jake helped reduce the cord, catch the rest of his chubby, perfect little body, and lift him up onto my chest. From the start of pushing to my first hold, it was only *one* eighty second-long contraction (we can verify this on video)! Talk about making an entrance! Knowing what I know now about his height, weight, and shape (can anyone say "shoulder distocia"?), this quick and easy delivery is something I still thank God for, along with the total of 3 relaxing, nearly painless hours at the hospital without even an IV line in.

Those first few seconds were a little more nerve-racking than my other births because I was of course concerned about any complications from the meconium exposure and nuchal cord. And yet, Micah pulled through like a champ! He immediately started screaming a good strong cry, which greatly reduced the concern about meconium in his lungs - the mec unit didn't end up even being necessary (it was likely that he had *just* relieved himself while in the birth canal since that part happened so quickly). He was a wonderful shade of pink and suffered no ill effects from the cord around his neck. His APGAR scores were 9 and 9!

All in all, when I think about the number of things that could have gone wrong from day one of little Micah's conception to our first embrace, I am literally, jaw-droppingly, on-my-knees, in AWE of how clearly and divinely protected he was. He is beginning this life with a beautiful testimony of God's provision and protection, and I'm all the more reminded of the reason we chose the name "Micah" - because truly, there is NONE like God. A God who creates life out of nothing, sustains us against all odds, protects us according to His plan and purpose, and redeems us into His presence through the death of his Son, who by paying for the consequences of our sin on the cross, **tore down the VEIL** in the temple that separated us from full communion with God (prior to that moment, only the most high priests were allowed to enter the holiest of holy places within the temple behind the curtain in order to commune with God).

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split. -Matthew 27:50-51

In the same way that our precious son broke through into the full experience of our presence, the torn veil of the temple symbolized a breaking of the boundaries so that no matter who we are, what we have done, or where we are in life, we are *welcomed* into God's love and presence through relationship with His son Jesus. We are so blessed by Micah and his magnificent arrival, and can't wait to see how his testimony continues!

Below is a video we put together of his birth. But it's more than just a birth video; it's his story. It's the amazing way God brought him to us, and showed us His own glory in the process. (Please be forewarned - it is tasteful, but it *is* a birth - Watch at your own discretion)

What's in a Name?

Choosing a name for our children has always been an extremely important process for both Jake and I, as I'm sure it is for many people of faith. Biblically, names have always carried a TON of meaning. There are hundreds of names for God and/or Jesus, and if you pay attention, you'll see that God gives prophetic wisdom to His people as they choose names for their children. The reason is that words are powerful and carry meaning, and thus names denote an essence of character or purpose for each of God's people. He chose them before time began. They are kind of a big deal.  

"In Hebrew, a name is not merely a convenient conglomeration of letters. Rather the name reveals its essential characteristic. The Midrash (Genesis Raba 17:4) tells us that the first man, Adam, looked into the essence of every creature and named it accordingly. The donkey, for example, is characterized by carrying heavy, physical burdens. So in Hebrew, the donkey is named chamor – from the same root as chomer, which means materialism. (Contrast this with English, where the word "donkey" doesn't reveal much about the essence of a donkey!) The same idea applies to names of people. For example, Leah named her fourth son Judah (in Hebrew, Yehudah). This comes from the same root as the word "thanks." The letters can also be rearranged to spell out the holy Name of God. The significance is that Leah wanted to particularly express her "thanks to God." (Genesis 29:35)" http://www.aish.com/jl/l/b/48961326.html 

Jake and I had almost no problem at all coming up with names for Eli and Eden. It was almost like God literally whispered the names in our ears, and we were both 100% confident about both of them from the beginning of the pregnancy (or before - God showed me Eden's name before Eli was even born!). In fact, if we ever have another boy, God has already given us both a name for him as well. But when we found out that we were having a girl this time, we were at a TOTAL loss about a name! We prayed about it, and decided to give it some time, but to be honest, it was freaking me out a little bit that the others had come so easily, and this was just plain hard! We exhausted all the baby books and online resources. We read forums and Hebrew name listings, and talked to so many friends to see what names they liked. I had more than a few that I loved, but Jake didn't like any (this was a tad bit frustrating for me, especially since he couldn't really suggest many himself). I would soon realize that my super-discerning, picky husband would be a wonderful gift to me, and the reason we ended up choosing the name that God ultimate wants for our little girl, rather than just a pretty-sounding name that I happened to like.

As the months went by, I started feeling a little disconnected than I had in previous pregnancies. Not only had we always learned the gender, but by knowing the name ahead of time, we had been able to talk to them more intimately, bond with them more deeply, think about the "essence" of their character, their possible futures and giftings, etc. I was getting worn out emotionally as I considered the fact that we may just have to "settle" on a name (rather than "THE" name)...and we'd probably have a baby who sadly goes unnamed for like 3 weeks after she is born. I couldn't hear God (at least not clearly), and to be honest, I probably wasn't listening...or trusting, for that matter.

Then one day, I came across a name that I loved and had never heard before: Azriel/Azrael, which is technically a boy's name in Hebrew, but means "God is my aid/help," and is a lot like "Israel." <3 <3 It reminded me of Arielle/Ariel, which Jake's sister had loved and recommended to us after we revealed the gender (but was a bit too over-used/trendy and reminiscent of mermaids for me, even though I do love the sound and meaning of the name). I was all excited that this could be "the one," until Jake started researching it and figured out that it's also the name of the angel of death in many religions, not to mention a really creepy heavy metal band. It kind of lost its appeal after that, unfortunately. So sad :(

I went up to my room to fold laundry (and mourn a little bit), and out of nowhere, I heard as clear as a bell in my head:

ABRIELLE

My heart leaped as I called to Jake and immediately started praying for confirmation and asking God if this was really it. Not only was it beautiful, but the potential nicknames are SO adorable (Bri, Brielle, Elle, Ella, and my personal favorite - Abri). Jake, who was rather sick of the conversation at this point, said it was pretty, but after a quick look at the computer, informed that it wasn't Hebrew or Biblical (which is important to us). It happens to be a name in Italian and French which is similar to "Gabriel" or "Gabrielle," meaning "God is my strength." Still a cool meaning, but not Hebrew. Heart sinks. Again.

It was at this point that I sort of "gave up." I could have sworn I heard God's voice on this, but maybe He still had another one in mind, and I just had to be patient. For the first time, I was patient. We had others that came up on the radar, but nothing gave me that spirit-leap like Abrielle. So we waited and kept praying. You know when God has already answered a prayer and made it abundantly clear to you, but you're so blind that you just keep asking Him about it over and over? Yeah...(insert palm to forehead). Finally, I happened to see the name "Abri" online one day, and out of curiosity decided to look it up. It's a name in many languages (including Italian and Hebrew), and it's basically the feminine version of Abraham (another well-known Hebrew name), which means "father of many nations."  The feminine "Abri" could also mean "mother of many nations," but I still loved the father meaning for some reason (weird for a girl's name, right??). Then it HIT me like God had finally decided to smack me over the head with it in the clearest way possible (thank you Lord!). "El" in Hebrew means God, and denotes His might, strength, and power. We chose ELi ("the Lord is my God") and Eden ELizabeth (delight, God is my oath) with that in mind. Suddenly, I realized that ABRI EL DOES have meaning in Hebrew; it just didn't exist as a formal name yet!! And it's meaning brought me to tears: GOD is FATHER over MANY NATIONS! It's like a prophetic statement of declaration every time it is spoken. On top of that, it also means (in other languages) "God is my strength," which, after all of the issues I've had this pregnancy (low progesterone/borderline miscarriage, health problems, early contractions, early dilation, apparent growth issues, etc.), I KNOW for a fact that God gave this precious little girl the strength to survive it all! And I know He'll continue to be her strength as she lives her life, with a character that speaks to God's authority over, and love for the nations. It's amazing to think I had doubted God for even one second with this. He is SO good, and we can't wait to meet our beautiful
                                              strong, 

                                                           chosen 

                                                                          little world-changer,
                                                                                                              ~Abrielle~

in just a few more weeks. <3

Eden's Story

There is so much to talk about with Eden's story. Sarah has covered much of the prelude with her last blog, but so much has also happened in the past month! To say that God provides would be an understatement. We found a new home, a new hospital, a new doctor for Sarah, and a new pediatrician...all within the first week of starting my new job. And then, with the help of our wonderful family and friends, we were able to move into that home just nine days before Eden was born (talk about timely provision!). I could go on about the three weeks between starting my new job and Eden's birth, but I think that would take a whole blog post all on its own. And this blog is about how Eden arrived.

At about 1:30am on Tuesday, April 24th, Sarah woke me up to let me know that she thought she *might* be in labor. After the weeks months on pins and needles waiting for Eli to arrive, I told myself I wasn't going to get excited for every single false labor pattern this time around. Unfortunately for me, Eden had other plans, and mama knew best (thank goodness). I must admit that I was a tad bit cranky as I started to get everything prepared and loaded into the car, after all we were still more than a week away and had just finished moving. Still Sarah insisted that we should at least be ready to go in case this was it. After a crazy hour of getting the car loaded up and timing irregular and non-painful contractions, Sarah informed me that she didn't want to rush out (just in case this wasn't really it), and suggested that we go back to sleep for a bit to see if anything changes.

About two hours later, Sarah woke me again to inform me that she was pretty sure this was it. I, however, still wasn't convinced, and was particularly dreading how the rest of that day would be at work. You see, although Sarah could tell based on the feel, I questioned the lack of consistency and intensity; she actually seemed more calm and at-ease than normal. We spent the next half hour deciding what we should do...going to the hospital meant waking up Eli and my parents, and of course ensured that I would have no additional sleep before work that day (a price I wasn't easily convinced to pay). On the other hand, after Eli's speedy delivery, we wanted to make sure that we arrived at the hospital with plenty of time. In the end, Sarah's instinct beat out my hesitation, so off we went.

When we arrived at my parents' house at 5:00am, they were wide awake and eager to rush us off to the hospital, however I think they were also a little bit shocked to see Sarah leisurely walk in and go on explain the necessities for the care and feeding of Eli (almost as if we were just dropping him off while we went on a date). I think that it was safe to say that my parents shared my doubts of it being the real thing at this point, and were probably also wondering if they were up early unnecessarily for a false alarm. Once Eli was settled, we were off again.

At around 5:40am we arrived at Swedish Medical Center in Issaquah. This time around we had called ahead, and had stressed to the staff that Sarah has a history of precipitous labor, so they were expecting us at the Emergency Room. The ER staff was also a bit surprised to have a lovely little chat with a very calm mom to be. I got the impression that they thought she was just another overexcited mom with a long labor in store, but despite their doubts we were brought to the triage room much, much faster than we had been with Eli (when Sarah was actually nearing the end of transition in the ER waiting room).

After arriving at triage (close to 6am), the L&D nurse was sure to call our midwife and let her know that Sarah had been admitted before starting the routine monitoring on Sarah. Once again, she was very interested to hear about Sarah's quick delivery with Eli, but probably expected something a little less exciting this time from the calm mom-to-be sitting in front of her. I think she was pretty surprised to discover that Sarah was already 5-6cm dilated. I, on the other hand was honestly quite relieved. First, this confirmed that Sarah was actually in labor, second that we had arrived with plenty of time for Sarah to labor at the hospital, and third that I wouldn't be taking Sarah home and then leaving straight for work. I gritted my teeth and set myself to the task of proving that I could support Sarah through a long and arduous labor process (and thought maybe I should get the doula on the phone). Sarah was giddy with excitement that she was finally going to have an opportunity to use all the labor techniques she had learned, including having a relaxing soak in the giant tubs they have at Swedish. However, Sarah and I hardly had a chance to finish our thoughts after the cervical exam when suddenly Sarah informed the nurse that her water had broken, and things started to get REALLY exciting.

Initially things were a little bit scary. Immediately after Sarah's water broke, Eden's heart rate began to decelerate, and Sarah's contractions became much more intense. In the next few minutes, Sarah showed incredible strength and dedication. At this point she was clearly going through transition, but despite the discomfort and anxiety, she was working with the nurse to adjust her body position to provide as much relief to Eden as possible. Still, Sarah continued to reassure me that she was feeling fine herself, and her only concerns were for little Eden. After a few tense minutes, Eden stabilized, and Sarah was left to continue labor in a very uncomfortable position while the nurse went to do everything in her power to get the midwife there as soon as humanly possible.

As we moved to the delivery room, Sarah was once again calm and comfortable. At about 6:15am, only 15 minutes after Sarah's first cervical check, the nurse decided to check her progress again. Her checks were followed by a strange smile at Sarah and an expression that said, "You can't be serious." "What...?" Sarah asked, "Am I ten?" The disbelief on the nurse's face answered that question (affirmatively).  Now the nurse had a new preoccupation: asking Sarah if she had the urge to push and frantically try to find the midwife. Luckily for the nurse, Sarah was extremely calm - to the extent that you couldn't tell she was in labor at all. In fact, she was so calm and happy that she decided to call her mother and inform her that she was currently 10cm dilated and ready to have a baby. After a brief conversation with a very excited, flabbergasted, and confused grandmother-to-be, Sarah got back to the business of having a baby. On the next contraction, Sarah informed the nurse that she was feeling the urge to push, and in response the nurse encouraged her to try to breath and not push (mainly because she was not thrilled at the prospect of delivering the baby herself). The bad news for the nurse was that Eden was now running the show, and Sarah didn't have much of a say in whether or not she would be pushing (any moms who have been in this situation are probably having a good chuckle right now). But the good news was that Sarah's midwife arrived shortly thereafter. I should mention that between pushes, much to the surprise and awe of the nurses in the room, Sarah was having a wonderful conversation with them and laughing about the whole experience. Among these conversations was the fact that she even wore a cute bathing suit top for laboring in the tub (so much for that!), and asking the midwife if she would allow me to catch Eden. After only a couple pushes, the midwife informed me that it was now or never. On the next push I had a beautiful screaming baby in my hands. Much to the disbelief of everyone in the room (myself and Sarah included), Eden Elizabeth Bollinger was born 7lbs 7oz and 20.5in long at 6:33am on Tuesday, April 24th  (If you want to get the magnitude of this whole thing, go back and note the times) I think the nurses will be talking about this one for years to come.

God had once again provided in an unbelievable way. Despite our doubts and hesitations, we had arrived in the hospital just in time. And even though most of the staff most likely initially doubted the urgency of Sarah's labor, they took us seriously and saw us as quickly as possible. Even the midwife arrived just in time for little Eden's arrival. And we have been given this amazing gift of a beautiful, healthy daughter, who we were able to take home to a comfortable and functional house - all in perfect timing. Jehovah Jireh, God our PROVIDER! What a blessing this whole experience has been.

Beautiful baby girl

A few minutes old and eating well!

My beautiful wife and daughter

Life and Such

It has been absolutely KILLING ME to not be able to share this with so many of our friends and family for so long due to the nature of the situation, but we are finally coming out on the other side and I can let you know what's been happening in our life over the past couple months. Let me preface by saying that God is so, so, so, SO good and He has completely showed Himself to be our "Firm Foundation" this year in so many ways, like He promised He would :)

Do you remember when the Twin Towers were hit? The room you were in when you found out? What you were doing? Like it was all in slow motion so your brain could capture every significant second of it? Yeah, that happened to us at a little after 3pm on Friday, January 20th, 2012. We had some snow days earlier that week, so Jake finally went back to work for a full day before the weekend. ...Or what we thought would be a full day. He walked through the door of our house about 2 hours early with a weird look on his face. The last thing I expected to hear was that as of that day, his entire company had shut down completely. The kind of shutdown where you bring all your office stuff home in a box that same day because the building won't even belong to the company on Monday. The kind of shutdown that leaves people without severance pay, extension of benefits, or even (as we would soon find out) a final paycheck. Apparently the company had been struggling financially because of a lack of government contracts (no federal budget means no contracting action or investment from federal agencies), and while they were hoping to sell the company to a larger company, the negotiation fell through and they were left with nothing. I was sitting on the couch as he told me this, 6 months pregnant with a one year old napping in the next room, and bills that needed paying within the next couple days. Time kind of stopped for me, much like on September 11th, and we were suddenly surrounded by a thick, confusing fog. But, I kept hearing "Firm Foundation" (my 2012 "One Word") repeated over and over in my head. Jake and I immediately got on our knees and started to pray. Interestingly, instead of a prayer of desperation, it ended up being much more expectant and hopeful. Like God was already speaking to us about the amazing, almost unimaginable outcome on the other side of the fog.

But, that didn't leave us without challenge! Right away Jake started with his job search (which isn't easy or quick in this economy) and we began the process to start receiving unemployment. Almost immediately, God began to provide in absolutely AMAZING ways!! We had enough savings to get us through for a little while, not to mention that our healthcare is through the Army Reserves, so we didn't have to worry about discontinuation of healthcare benefits (thank GOD, since we were only a few months away from having a baby and I was in the throws of prenatal care for me and developmental specialists for Eli). And get this - we got all of our tax return documents early this year, and were able to file THAT WEEKEND! 2-3 weeks later we got the biggest return we've ever gotten, which just happened to be almost *exactly* the amount of one of Jake's bimonthly paychecks (like, within a hundred dollars)! While some people were complaining that they weren't going to be able to use their tax return toward something fun or fancy, we were on our knees in thankfulness and awe of God's perfect provision in helping us pay the next round of bills, our mortgage, and groceries for the next few weeks.

As the days passed, we started to receive unemployment checks, which also helped. I hear that sometimes takes weeks and weeks, but we got our first check just 1-2 weeks after applying. God wasn't just providing; He was being SO timely!! Meanwhile, Jake had applied for nearly 70 jobs in 2ish weeks, in Washington, Colorado, and Massachusetts/CT/RI. He actually started hearing responses and getting phone interviews just 2 weeks after his initial applications. Each day, we would set aside quiet time and prayer with God, and I journaled about the instances of the words "firm" and "foundation" throughout the Bible, and what each of them said about God's character and how we are called to live and trust Him. Through this challenging time, God drew us closer to Him and to each other in our marriage, and while we had moments of anxiety and frustration, we NEVER reached a point of hopelessness. Jake started to receive more promising interviews over the next month, but just as we started to think "this is it!!," we'd be thrown for a curve-ball, and things would fall through. I went back to work as a temporary preschool teacher to help with some of the financial burden, though at over 7 months pregnant (with a severely suppressed immune system), this turned out to be a much more challenging commitment than I expected! During this time it was really hard to stay focused and at peace because my body was becoming exhausted and very, very sick (not to mention Eli's, since he stayed in the daycare down the hall for free during those hours). In the end, I'm glad I did it and it was SUCH a blessing to connect with those kids and provide a much-needed respite for the other teachers who's husbands were coming home from a Navy deployment. But ever since, Eli and I have been battling virus after infection after virus after infection for the last month and a half, and I lift up a prayer every now and then thanking God for preventing me from going into premature labor with all the lifting, bending, and exertion those 2 weeks brought on my system! We would also make sure to thank God for closing doors since they obviously weren't the "right" job, as excited as we may have been about them. I'm learning to ALWAYS be thankful in EVERY situation! Haha

About a month after Jake lost his job, we were facing financial instability again, and were beginning to wonder how we would get through the next few weeks. Then suddently Jake got a call from one of his old supervisors, who had been speaking to one of their old clients up at a nearby Navy base. Apparently, the client was still interested in finishing up the contract they had started with Jake's company, and Jake was the ONLY person in the company who really knew how to do that since he had been the project lead. One thing led to another, and suddenly, Jake had a temporary position up at Keyport Naval Base making the same salary that he used to make, with a VERY flexible schedule that would allow him to go on interviews, work on weekends, etc. It was about a 90 hour job contract, but they ended up wanting to pay him for 150 hours (since that was what they had been contracted for), so suddenly he not only got to finish up his old job, but make some extra cash too! Around this time, Jake's wonderful, wonderful mom also contracted him for a software job at her company which would also provide the same pay he was used to, and even allowed him to work from home. Um, wow. WOW. We were SAFE for at least another few weeks while Jake continued to search for the perfect job.

We didn't want to be too "picky," but we also felt that this was an opportunity to settle somewhere for a while (maybe even sell our house and buy a more long-term one) and raise our family without having to move every year or two. We also saw this as an opportunity for Jake to FINALLY get into engineering (his degree is in Mechanical/Aerospace Engineering, but he's never had the chance to use it!) instead of business and project management. Unfortunately, most of the interviews he was getting were for business-related positions, which he was ok with, but they weren't really his dream, and the longer he goes without an engineering job, the harder it is to get into that field (in fact, we were starting to wonder if he was already too late, being 6 years out of college). The few engineering-related jobs that he was finding were entry-level (can we say "pay cut"??) and involved developing specifications/tooling, building to specifications, or purchasing components. None were the *design* dream job that he really wanted, but we figured he has to start somewhere to get into the field, right?? Anyway, we just kept praying that God would be very clear to us about closing doors that weren't right, and leading Jake through the ones that were (regardless of how right they seemed to us!).

As we neared the 2 month mark, the pressure started to build in other ways. I would be full-term in just a few weeks, and still didn't know where we would be living, let alone whether Jake would be employed. I SO MUCH felt the desire to nest and make our home ready for baby Eden, but we were just so limited financially and knew nothing yet (except that we probably wouldn't be staying in our current home since no jobs were really popping up in our area). As things started to narrow into focus, we were faced with an opportunity in Kent, WA, one in Kirkland, WA, and one in Windsor Locks, CT (about 40 minutes from my parents). All three brought Jake out for an in-person interview, and all three involved some form of engineering (though the one in Kirkland was really Jake's dream design job). We knew the job itself was a major factor, but so was getting an actual *OFFER* (haha), compensation package, location, and whether the one in CT would relocate us, since we were officially out of funds to move. In the end, we narrowed it down to Kirkland or Windsor Locks due to location and benefits. Suddenly both were looking like real possibilities after having nothing for so long, and we were starting to see the downsides of *too many* options! Next thing we knew, Jake had an offer from the job in Kirkland, just a few days before he was scheduled to fly out for an interview in CT! We prayed that Kirkland would allow enough time for him to at least check out the job in CT (and hopefully get a red OR green light from them) before having to respond to the first offer. God came through! Kirkland didn't push about an answer, and Jake had a successful interview in CT (and also got to have dinner with his doting in-laws while he was out there). Jake explained to the CT company that he already had an offer on the table, so he really needed to know his chances, or at least what he'd be looking at in terms of compensation. They unfortunately couldn't be hurried to answer any of his questions, which in the end, left us at total peace about going with the job in Kirkland.

PRAISE GOD!!! Jake is no longer unemployed, and we will *hopefully* be relatively settled in time for Eden's arrival. I just want to quickly talk about WHY this particular job is just so, SO perfect and totally from God (even though I would have selfishly loved to be near my family...this is just so unquestionably RIGHT).

1. Kirkland/Redmond/Bellevue is one of the nicest areas of WA...when I first moved out here, I told Jake that someday, if we ever stayed in WA, I'd want to be in that area. It's a short drive into Seattle, but still gorgeous with a small, uptown feel, AND it's within 20 min of Jake's parents' house! There are jobs galore in that area in case we ever wanted to explore other options.
2. Jake will be a mechanical design engineer, and will be working on a multidisciplinary team to design the aerodynamic exteriors of vehicles...RIGHT up his alley. Like, perfect match.
3. A job like this is usually not entry-level, but he was able to obtain it because of his previous experience as a project manager - everything was orchestrated so perfectly! Additionally, while we were expecting a significant pay cut so Jake could enter the field of his dreams, we won't have to worry about that at all!!
4. The benefits are amazing. Great vacation time, as much paid sick time as you need, tuition reimbursement, flexible hours, the best 401k contribution plan I've really ever seen with a company...and....
5. PAID PATERNITY LEAVE!!! That's right! *IF* he is able to get 30 days under his belt before Eden arrives, he gets a week of paid leave (not including my hospital stay) in addition to all his other benefits!! Eden better stay in there until at least her due date! (But even if not, he'll get the time off; just not paid)
6. It sounds like they have a very quick promotion process that could involve some significant pay increases even within the first year.
7. A hefty starting bonus in his first paycheck, which will likely be mid-April.
8. The company he is currently working with is totally understanding (as is Jake's mom's company), and they are willing to let Jake work from a distance or come in on the weekends so he can finish all that up while still being able to start his new job ASAP.


Really, we couldn't have asked God for a better deal. His provision is beyond what we need; like when He turned water to wine and the barrels were **overflowing**. That's how I'm feeling right now. ....And that's not all!! (Sorry, this blog was just way too important to try to shorten!)

So, we currently own a house in Colorado, so we're renting this house here. The lease isn't up until June, and we are WAY too far from Kirkland for Jake to commute (especially given the baby situation). So pretty much, we know we have to move - and soon. The following things need to happen:

1. Find a new tenant to take over the lease on this house so we can break our lease
2. Find a new place to live that meets all our needs and is actually affordable near Kirkland
3. Figure out where I'm going to deliver since our original hospital will probably be too far now...remember, I had like a 2 hour labor with Eli and showed up at the hospital basically ready to push. Hospitals more than 20 min away aren't an option.
4. Along with #3, interview and decide on a new midwife and new pediatrician
5. Pack our house and move in a timeline that works for the new tenant, and our new landlord. Easier said than done at almost 36 weeks preggo...

Did I mention I'm due in less than 5 weeks? If you want something to pray for, you could start with asking God to keep Eden in there until at LEAST my due date, for so many reasons! hahaha

Anyway, so far, God has already begun to answer #1 and #3, which was more complicated than expected. We live in an adorable little house right on the water, but it's age and size aren't everyone's cup of tea. ...oh, and the fact that there is no dishwasher... So far we've had like 6 showings, and no applications. I was starting to get pretty anxious about it, and then one day, God put this couple on our doorstep (her name is also Sarah), and they want it. They don't care about lack of closet space, a detached garage with no opener, and no dishwasher. They LOVE the location and the view, and really, really REALLY want it!! YAY!!! We'll all be meeting up with the landlord on Sunday, but it sounds like it might work, and the great thing is that they are willing to move in whenever we're ready for them. For #3, we interviewed a midwife at a brand new hospital in Issaquah today. I was a little concerned because I had a waterbirth with Eli (and LOVED it), but my old hospital is the only one that does that in WA, and I really don't want all the protocol-related unnecessary medical intervention that most hospitals do (we are limited to a hospital due to insurance). I was happily surprised to find out that they don't require an IV, I'm not limited to delivering on my back in a bed, AND they have huge, comfortable tubs in every birthing suite where I can at least labor. The midwife sounded perfectly willing to be more hands-off (which I loved about Eli's birth), and even allow Jake to catch the baby like he wants to. This could work out pretty well, actually! While it's not St. Joe's, it's a close runner-up, and they're so new that they don't have a huge patient load (every time we've been there it's been practically empty with easy access parking, really attentive practitioners, and beautiful, spacious, state of the art rooms). I'm also looking into a *small* possibility of a home birth, since this midwife recommended a nurse midwife in Seattle who is covered through Tricare and does home births. I'll have to call to check into it, but doing a home birth DOES require that you have a home, first....

The next step is finding a place for US to live!! But look how all of our prayers have been answered so far, and how faithful God has been already! I mean, c'mon. How can we NOT trust Him that He has #2, 4, &5 already figured out and in perfect timing? Doesn't mean we can't continue to pray, though! So, after this extremely long blog post, if you feel inclined to rest your eyes a bit from the computer screen and send a few prayers up to our amazingly faithful God on our behalf, we would SO MUCH appreciate it! First and foremost, we couldn't be more thankful, and are just so blown away by the way such a challenging situation has brought us to such a better place and truly helped us trust God more than ever before. Our prayers are EFFECTIVE and God loves to answer them! For REALS, people!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:4-7

The Big MOVE!

A few months ago, Jake and I were praying a lot about the next step for our family, and we both heard a very unmistakable answer (separately, and then we confirmed it with each other); God wanted us to start living below our means. In other words, even though we are doing fine financially, are expecting Jake's 1 year raise soon, AND will have a car paid off this month, God spoke to us about doing the opposite of our natural inclination to spend more because we have more. Instead, we decided to downsize, and look for a smaller, simpler, less expensive place to live. We also agreed that we (in our ideal world) would LOVE to find a home that was a little more private, quiet, and spacious so Eli and Toby could really run around together in the next year. Of course, those were "wishes" and "hopes," but the reality is that we needed to find a less expensive place that would still meet all of our basic needs. WELL! God really came through! IN SO MANY WAYS! First off, we've been searching for a few months, and have found some cute places, but they were either too far, too expensive still (not cheap enough to offset the cost of moving), too inhospitable for dogs, or too small. Finally, we found an adorable little place on Craigslist, so I immediately contacted the landlord, who invited us to stop by and take a look (this was June 14). We knew it was right on the water AND had an acre of land, so for the low price, we were basically expecting a dump, but we decided to take a look anyway. OH MY GOSH - as soon as we saw it, we fell in love! It's a 1920's home and the previous tenants weren't exactly the neatest of people, so it needs some work, AND there is only one bathroom, and no dishwasher (ok, got the tough stuff out of the way), BUT, here are the things it has (most of which we didn't even ask God for!!):

1+ acre of gorgeous, waterfront property
At the end of a quiet, dead end street (a wooded, empty lot on one side, and a really nice house on the other, separated by a giant hedge)
A gigantic deck in good condition
2 car garage
4 bedrooms (well, 3 plus a bonus room) - all pretty small, though!
A wood-burning fireplace in the living room, and a covered area outside to store firewood
All new hardwood floors throughout, new paint on the walls, and either new or almost-new appliances throughout
A landlord who is the most accommodating guy I know, and is willing to not just let us fix it up however we want, but PAY for it!!
Prime location for fishing/clamming/oysters right on the beach in front of our house!!
Perfect view of July 4 fireworks/Whaling Days fireworks/Christmas boat lights
AMAZINGLY nice, baby-loving, dog-loving, Christian neighbors across the street
Tons of room for gardening (wild rose bushes everywhere, too!)

God didn't just provide what we needed; He provided in ABUNDANCE!! We are totally blown away that this place is in our lower price range, and feel so blessed to have snatched it up before someone else did! There are definitely some sacrifices we'll have to make (like space, no dishwasher, etc.), but that was the whole point of moving, so we totally welcome them! Anyway, this is where the story gets REALLY good....

This was our house!!! It was meant to be! We both knew it!! We decided that night that we would take it, and told Don (our new landlord), so he could cancel his special order for a washer/dryer, since we already had them. In our current rental, they require 20 days of written notice before you vacate. It was June 15th, and we signed a 12-month lease on July 5, 2010, so it was PERFECT timing to give our notice, and be out on July 5th, 2011!!

....or so we thought.

Apparently our *actual* lease end-date was June 30, making the whole 20 day thing not work so well. No idea why they do that, but after reading through the fine print on our lease, it's true. Here is a (paraphrased) version of the conversation from there:

Me: Hmmm...well, is there any way I can still give the 20 days notice now, and then just go 5 days into July, and get the rest pro-rated?
Property Manager ("them"): No. If you go one day into July, you have to pay for the whole month of July.

(This was not possible, as we would have 2 rent payments, AND the difference on our mortgage payment that we are still paying every month. The whole point of this was to *downsize* and *save* money....)

Me: Is there ANY way we can just give 15 days notice??
Them: No.
Me: So we're going to have to pay all of July's rent at this point no matter what?
Them: *Pause*.....Well, if you found another tenant to fill the place for part of July, then you'd only have to pay part of the month.
Me: But, there's no guarantee that we'd find someone...I mean, the house was vacant for at least a month before we moved in...
Them: Right. *Long pause*....
...
.....
We actually have some interested tenants here at the office right now that are interested in moving into a place TOMORROW.
Me: E@#$J#$#(..TOMORROW?!?!.....uuum...uhh...ok..I guess....send them over...? *brain going a million miles an hour trying to figure out how this could even work*

So, this couple shows up at our door a few minutes later (thank GOD I had just cleaned the entire house!!) to see the house. They were really nice - about our age, with a 5-month old little boy). After walking through the home and answering their questions about approximate utility bill payments, they immediately loved it and wanted it over some of the other (currently empty) choices. They explained that they had just moved here for Jimmy to start a new job, and they had been living out of a hotel, with all their stuff stuck in a Uhaul. They were absolutely desperate to find a place ASAP because they only had the Uhaul until tomorrow (Thursday, 6/16), and the hotel room until Friday night (6/17). Not only did they not have the money for any extra days, but it was Father's Day Weekend, and everywhere was booked anyway. Of course, they saw that we hadn't even packed ONE box yet, and realized there was NO WAY we could be completely out by the next day. But, it was in both of our best interest to make it work somehow, so we started trying to find a solution. We figured out that if we could at least move everything out of our garage that night, and move it into the garage at our new house, they could unload all their stuff into the garage the following day, so they could return the Uhaul. Then, we could spend Thursday and Friday moving everything over to the new house, one room at a time, while they moved IN one room at a time. We would just help each other move! AND the new couple was SO impressed with the clean condition of the house, AND the room decor in Eli's room, that they didn't even think we needed to clean anything upon moving out, OR re-paint the walls! They would just do the same color scheme in their son's room! They even said they'd sign a waiver saying that they would take the blame for any mess/damage not addressed upon our move-out. We were getting excited!!! This could actually work REALLY well!!!

....But no. When we checked with the property manager, our little bubbles of joy were quickly popped..

Me: Thanks for sending that couple over! They love the house, and we think we can make this work by moving out as they move in. And they're extremely happy with the condition of the house, and are willing to take responsibility for all of it. The only problem would be that the house wouldn't be completely empty at any point, so is there a way we could do a modified move-out walkthrough? Or at least waive the carpet-cleaning requirement?
Them: No. You still need to empty the house, clean it (including professional carpet cleaning), hand your keys in, then we'll do the formal walkthrough, sign the lease with the new couple, and THEN they can move it.
Me: ...well, is there any way that they can at least just move their stuff into the garage so they can return their Uhaul? The rest of the house can be completely empty!!
Them: No. They can't put anything on the property until the walkthrough is done, and the lease is signed.
Me:3#(*$&(#*&$(*&#$#P(*#PUPR{)(#{(@

So, I proceeded to call the couple and explain the situation, and ask if there was ANY WAY AT ALL that they could just extend their Uhaul reservation just another day or 2 so we can empty everything out of the house completely. While they checked on it, we realized that although we had access to the garage at the new house, we still didn't have a key to the house itself. For some of our nicer furniture, etc., we really needed to be able to move in to the house and not the garage. Unfortunately, the landlord said he lived near Seattle, and we had no time for him to mail the key. My in-laws said they'd take the day off to come out and help us move on Friday (6/17), and since they could probably pass through Seattle on the way, I called the landlord to see if they could get the key from him. That's when he told me that he didn't actually live "in" Seattle ........(oohhh great..)

..He lives in Fall City - which just HAPPENS TO BE LIKE 2 MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD FROM JAKE'S PARENTS' HOUSE!!!! Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions! He had absolutely no problem with them coming to get the key from him so we could start to move in the next day (Friday). So, that was taken care of, but we still didn't know if the new tenants were going to agree to everything! Finally, we heard back from them, and they said that because they have the hotel through Friday night, they could probably figure out a way to pay for the Uhaul through Saturday at the latest, giving us a little more time to move EVERYTHING out AND clean the entire 2500 square foot house for the walkthrough. Then, they could move in on Saturday night. OK!!! We're back to a workable (albeit challenging) plan! So, I called the property manager again...

Me: OK! They're willing to extend the Uhaul through Saturday, but they only have the hotel through Friday night, so is it ok if we plan to be out by Saturday morning, then you can do the walkthrough, and they can move in later that day??????????????
Them: No. We don't work on the weekends. EVEN if we felt like being nice, and decided to do the walkthrough on Saturday, they'd absolutely have to wait until Monday to sign the lease and move in. We don't do lease signing on weekends.
Me: *sound of heart deflating....again...* ...And I don't suppose they can just move their stuff into the garage on the weekend after we clean it and turn our keys in?
Them: No. They have to sign the lease first.
Me: OF COURSE THEY DO. *mentally punching something*

At this point I was almost in tears from the sheer insanity of all of this. There were things that were CLEARLY from God, and multiple confirmations that all this was supposed to happen, but then every single time we find a (nearly impossible) solution to a nearly impossible problem, it gets shot down. It was highest highs and lowest lows like this for the entire day on Thursday, and after many conversations with Jake and my very wise mother-in-law, I finally decided to offer a last-ditch effort, and ask the new tenants if they can make it to Monday by staying in our guest room for a couple nights to offset the cost of keeping the Uhaul over the weekend. There is no other explanation (aside from God) that they hadn't just given up by now, and decided to move into a very similar, nice, EMPTY house instead. As we waited for them to call us back and give us a definitive answer, I honestly felt like throwing up. There was no logical reason for them to go for all of this. We had already packed and moved our garage into the new house, AND the landlord had canceled his special order (which costs money to do) for the washer/dryer because of us. SO much energy, thinking, and downright stress had gone into everything until now, and it was just a simple (rational) "no, thanks" away from falling apart.

So, Jake and I prayed. And Taree and Bob prayed. And my parents prayed. We had so many friends and family praying for not just us, but for the new tenants (who didn't show any indication that they even believed in prayer, or God). We prayed that they would make the RIGHT decision - whatever that was, and that God would bless them with the means necessary to make it until Monday. Everything was riding on it.

That night (Thursday, 6/16), they called us back, and told us they could do it. I about melted into a blissful puddle of muck on the floor. It was going to work. FOR REAL. We found out later that they had explained the situation to the Uhaul company, and the guy told them to just take it (for FREE - normally about $100/day) until Tuesday!!! Then, they asked the woman at the hotel desk if she knew of any nearby hotels with any availability over the holiday weekend. She made a few calls to some other hotel owners in the area, and not only found them rooms for the rest of the weekend, but got them the family discount for $50/night instead of $100+!! Talk about answered prayer!

The last step was finding a carpet cleaner....on a Sunday...which just also happened to be Father's Day.......I made about 5 or 6 calls, and most of them were booked out for weeks, and/or wouldn't be able to do it on Father's Day anyway. Then, I found one that was owned by a really nice woman, who had a certain affinity for babies (and heard little Eli talking away in the background), and sympathized with our situation. She was able to switch up the schedules and get a guy (who doesn't happen to be a dad) out here on Sunday morning. PRAISE GOD!! Everything would be moved and cleaned by Saturday night, the carpets would be cleaned on Sunday morning, and we would drop the keys in the drop box at the property management office on Sunday around noon on our way out of town so we could spend the rest of Father's Day with Dad B.

So, starting late on Thursday night, Jake and I started packing like madmen. We sent out a call to all our nearby friends for help with moving, and got a moving party scheduled for both Friday and Saturday. The next day, Jake's parents and the Kim family came out and helped us move/pack at least 60 or 70 percent of the house (and Soobin REALLY helped by watching Eli while we took trips back and forth), then on Saturday, we had help from the Bollinger's, Uncle Keith, the new tenants, our neighbor Craig, and Brandon - a friend from Bremerton. Brandon even let us stay at his place Saturday night since we had no other place to go (we were thinking of spending it on our living room floor), and had to be up early on Sunday for the carpet cleaning. The rest of the weekend went exactly as planned, we were officially vacated by Sunday, and we spent our first day in the new house on Monday 6/20. Jake's sister Cassie and brother-in-law Casey even offered to take Toby for a few days so that I could have him out of my hair while I moved in (Jake was going away on a business trip for 3 days starting Tuesday). So, from the day we found/decided on the house to our first day of living in it, it was about 5 DAYS TOTAL. Insanity. Pure insanity. And lots of sore, pulled muscles, discombobulated packing boxes, a severely under-prepared, messy house (the landlord wasn't exactly ready for us to move in quite yet, but was happy that we did), utter mental exhaustion, but above all, BLESSING and PROVISION BEYOND BELIEF!! Our God truly is an amazing God who cares about the big picture AND every single, tiny, little detail.

I'm going to include the scripture verse that my amazing Mom B reminded me of while this was all going on.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. -Ephesians 3:20-21

The Testimony of Eli

Many of you may know that my son, Robert Eli Bollinger was born five days ago. What you may not know is what a testimony his birth was. Unlike me, Sarah has been a long time proponent of the advantages of a natural birth. It took me a while to come around, but with some lessons from a new friend, I began to see that a natural birth was not just about the medical advantages. It was about the the accomplishment and the willpower of a mother. It's like pushing yourself to climb a mountain, when you know you could just hop on a train to get to the top. And its about the power of prayer and the support of family to get you there.

First of all, I would like to say that I am so proud of Sarah and how strong she has been through this whole process. Her fortitude speaks volumes for the type of mother that she is going to be. But even in the beginning she said that she doesn't want this to be about just her. She wants this to be about God, how he provides, and how he makes all things possible.

More than two weeks ago was when Sarah's labor began. It was not an intense active labor, but something more difficult called prodromal labor. This means different things for many women, but for Sarah it meant that she didn't have intense pain, just a long exhausting kind of pain that would intensify for six to twelve hour periods, but never enough to push her into active labor. In one particular instance, after a very difficult sleepless night, we took Sarah in to be checked, only to find that her dilation had actually reversed. During this process we were in constant prayer. We prayed for relief from the aches and pains, we prayed for Eli to arrive quickly, and we prayed for a quick delivery.

Eventually the days of prodromal labor turned into weeks, Sarah's due date came and went, and her frustration only increased. We had to begin to talk about induction and other means of intervention, and this was not what Sarah and I wanted. Eventually we set the date for the induction, but we continued to pray every day that this could happen naturally. Several days after her due date, I began to think maybe God wasn't going to answer our prayers. I began to think about how God doesn't always give us what we want, and that perhaps there was a reason we needed to submit to His way instead of our way. But the reality was, that I had given up hope, and I was preparing myself for the let down.

On Friday night, Sarah and I were relaxing around the house, trying to decide what to do with another long weekend of waiting, when suddenly something changed. At about 11:00pm, Sarah's water broke and our hopes jumped. This meant something was going to happen, natural or not he would be here soon. But for Sarah, her labor had not changed much, she was still feeling the same prodromal labor she had been experiencing for weeks. After a quick call to the midwife and doula, we decided to stay home. It could be over 24 hours before labor started, so we would wait and see if things progressed in the next twelve hours before checking in to the hospital. Sarah and I spent the next hour timing contractions, but for the most part things did not appear to have changed. She recommended I sleep, and she would try to if she could.

But for Sarah something had already changed, and she did not sleep. Less than two hours later, at about 2:30am, she woke me up and let me know her labor was getting more difficult. It was still not too unbearable for her, but I have a very strong wife. For about the next hour we spent some time trying the techniques we learned in our birthing class, to see if I could relieve any of her discomfort, but things where getting steadily more difficult.

At about 3:00am Sarah decided to call our doula. She didn't think her labor pains were too difficult, but she was beginning to worry about the car ride. Sitting had become very uncomfortable, so she wanted to make the trip before her contractions became too difficult. Our doula and I encouraged her to wait as long as possible, but Sarah decided she wanted to go anyway. And her instincts paid off.

At about 3:30am Sarah and I left for the hospital, and arranged for our doula to meet us there at about 4:15. We knew that labor would be long and difficult, so we were not in much of a hurry. As we drove, Sarah remained calm, listening to her ipod and squeezing my hand as difficult contractions passed. But halfway to the hospital her contractions continued to intensify. She remained strong and complained little, emphasizing her breathing, and using long monotone vocalizations to dull out the pain. At this point Sarah had an inkling that she might have progressed pretty far, but she didn't want to get her hopes up, and she was fully prepared to arrive with a report of 4cm and a long morning ahead of her.

Arriving at the hospital was the most difficult part of the whole process. We told them Sarah's water had been broken for several hours, and that the contractions were starting to get very strong and close, but the intake through the ER was still unbearably slow. I suppose they see many laboring first time mothers, who believe they are much further a long than they are. But they don't know how strong my wife is.

After about 15 minutes of waiting for Sarah to get entered into the system, and for someone to take us up to labor and delivery, we finally made it upstairs. But the waiting wasn't over yet. For Sarah things were getting much more intense, and the pain relief techniques I learned were really starting to pay off. Sarah was beginning to feel strong discomfort and a urgency to push. So she asked me to go look for a nurse. Three times I left the room to let the nurse know how intense things were, but she continued to reassure me that "she could hear Sarah" and "she only had a few more things to enter into the computer before she would be in".

Finally by about 4:10am, the labor and delivery nurse came in to check on Sarah. It's normal hospital procedure to hook up a baby for about 20 minutes of monitoring, and for the nurse to check a mother's dilation when they arrive. The heart rate monitor went on first, and everything looked fine. Then she asked Sarah to try to lay back even though she new it was uncomfortable. Sarah used a short break in between contractions to lay down. Once the nurse had checked her she looked at Sarah and said "alright were having a baby." Sarah in turn asked, "How far am I?" And the Nurse responded, "You are complete and at a plus two station." And she began preparing Sarah for transfer to the birthing room.

Everything from this point on went exactly how Sarah and I had prayed for. Our doula arrived and she was a great support, and a much needed advocate. The birth was a water birth, and in less than 15 minutes of pushing, Eli was here. Born 7lbs 2oz at 5:04am. It was an absolutely unbelievable process. My son was born into a wonderful calm environment, with no medication and no intervention. He cried briefly to let us know that he was breathing, but then for the remainder of the morning he was calm, content, and alert.

Earlier this summer our Pastor gave a sermon that I call the "Yes, No, Wait" sermon. During this sermon, he told us that God had three responses to our prayers "Yes," "No," or "Wait." Eli's birth was what we had hoped for, it was a testimony to the power of prayer. And an example of how the love, support, and prayers of family could transform such a frightening process into something beautiful that glorifies God. But it was also a lesson for Sarah and I about "Yes, No, Wait." We both wanted Eli's birth to be a testimony, and we couldn't understand why God wasn't answering our prayers. Why would he want us to have a induction when things could be so perfect? As things came down to the line, we began to lose hope, but God had other plans. We needed to just need to learn to be patient and that sometimes God answers our prayers with "wait." And let me tell you, it was worth the wait.