Baby Girl!

A LOT has happened since our last post (sorry about that!). Eli turned one on October 30th, and we enjoyed a fun family gathering at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I tried my hand at making a pretty fondant elephant-themed cake for the family to enjoy (almond flavor with layers of swiss meringue buttercream and raspberry jam), and Grandma made Eli his very own smash cake shaped like an elephant and covered in his favorite food - blueberries! Even though he was pretty stuffed on dinner, he really enjoyed it!



As an update with Eli's development, he is making some amazing strides! He FINALLY started crawling just before 11 months, but didn't stay satisfied with that for very long! He's been totally upright and cruising around on furniture (with the occasional stationary independent stand) since around then, and we think he's definitely getting close to independent walking soon! The good news is that we had a comprehensive evaluation done by early intervention and he doesn't even qualify for services of any kind, and came out in the 95% for communication and cognitive parts, so he's definitely doing well overall! Just does things on his own time, I guess!

The weekend after Thanksgiving, my AMAZING, determined, driven, and committed husband ran the Seattle Marathon!! He did SO well, despite the freezing horizontal rain and wind, and finished it right around his goal time of 4 hours and 30 minutes! He is now determined to run at least 2 next year, and is back into training mode already! The next one will be in Yakima (eastern WA) at the end of March, and then we're hoping to go up to Canada for another one in November. Eli and I are SO SO SO SO proud of him!! Here he is about to cross the finish line:


And our biggest piece of news is that Eli will have a baby sister on/around May 3rd, 2012! Jake and I talked and prayed about it a lot, and really felt like we wanted 2 babies pretty close together in age (between 18 and 24 months apart), and on our first try, we succeeded....again! We're talented like that. HAHA!! So, Eli and his little sister will be almost exactly 18 months apart, which was the age difference between my dad and his brother, and between Jake and his sister Cassie. I'm totally ok with double diaper duty for a little while rather than 5-6 straight years of diaper duty, and we are SO excited that they will be close in age and hopefully great friends! Here is the first ultrasound picture from 9 weeks:


This little baby girl has been EXTREMELY active - I was feeling her move around 13 weeks, and could literally see her kicking from the outside of my belly at 17 weeks! She has had a perfect heart rate between 150 and 155 (which is about 10-15 beats higher than Eli's was - it seems to be true that girls tend to have higher heart rates), is a perfect size and appears to be in perfect health! Praise God! We had our 19 week ultrasound on December 9th while my mom was in town visiting, and she was the first to find out the gender! Jake and I waited to find out until the following night with the rest of Jake's family. This time, we chose to have a dozen cupcakes made at the same bakery that did Eli's gender reveal cake. My mom called them with the gender, and we asked them to pipe some pink or blue frosting into the middle of one of the cupcakes after they were cooked. That way, the whole family would eat them together, and one special person would get to make the announcement! Jake's sister Cassie was the one to officially reveal the PINK inside her cupcake, and it was SUCH a wonderful surprise because for whatever reason, I had convinced myself that this would be another boy! We actually got the reveal on tape! My favorite part is how happy and giddy Jake is! He is a VERY proud papa, and can't wait to have a little girl (he's even been excited to go shopping for girl clothes with me! It's adorable!):



Can you tell I really thought it was a boy?? Thankfully, I'm not nearly as nauseous this time around (though I have gotten sick a few times, even past the 20 week point), and even though I'm showing a little earlier this time (which I actually love...it was no fun when no one noticed I was preggo last time until almost 7 months!), I'm on about the same track for weight gain with a goal of 25 pounds, and I think I'm carrying her in about the same way. There HAVE been a few issues, however...

At my last ultrasound, they mentioned that even though the baby is very healthy, they were a little concerned that my placenta was laying so close to the cervix. This is called "low-lying placenta" and CAN develop into placenta previa, where the placenta covered the opening of the cervix and presents a risk for bleeding, premature labor, and will eventually require a c-section. Only a small percentage of low-lying placentas actually become a problem; most move up into a normal area as the uterus grows. So, at 28 weeks, they will repeat the ultrasound and see where things stand. In the meantime, I have to take it easy (which means no strenuous activity, and NO YOGA!!! :( :( :() so I've been letting Jake carry Eli whenever possible, and am getting back into knitting to force myself to sit still during the day. The other thing that's been happening since almost exactly 20 weeks is that I've been having some pretty intense discomfort pretty frequently, and I'm pretty sure that I'm having braxton hicks contractions. Those are pretty typical, even as early as 20 weeks, though most moms don't notice them or aren't bothered by them. Unfortunately, mine have been more frequent than normal (every 3 or 4 minutes for hours at a time sometimes), and can get very painful. I actually had a similar experience with Eli during the last 4-6 weeks of my pregnancy, and the midwives told me it was basically "prodromal labor" - anyone who has no idea what that is, be THANKFUL. It's worse than real labor, as far as I'm concerned, and very, very fatiguing when it happens for weeks and weeks at a time with no progress. Mine felt so much like true labor that when I finally did go into labor, I didn't even feel any different until transition. On the plus side, my actual labor was only 2.5 hours, so I guess all that uterine work paid off!

This time, I'm a little concerned because I'm still WAY too early to be having consistent contractions, and they are bothersome enough that it's hard to get stuff done during the day. They don't go away when I change position, lay down, take a bath/shower, drink tons of water, etc. That's just how my uterus is. Lucky me. If you're reading this, please join me in prayer that my placenta will return to the normal position, and that these contraction-like pains will subside. My biggest concern isn't so much my discomfort, but the wellbeing of this baby girl! I can't WAIT to hit age of viability (23ish weeks) just so I can know there is a chance of everything being ok no matter what. Best case scenario is that I make it to term, am able to have another natural, non-medicated birth, and have another short labor because of all the preparatory work my uterus has already done! But no matter what, I trust in my God and His power to heal and care for the people he loves, even the tiny, little, unborn ones! This is all in His hands, and it's actually such a relief to know that in the midst of so many things going on. She is just as active as ever, jumping around in there like a Mexican jumping bean, which has been a wonderful reassurance on an hourly basis that she is doing ok! What a blessing! :)

Half-way there at 20 weeks!

9 Months ...Of Learning

I pretty much knew that being a mommy was going to be amazing (those of you who know me at all know that I've wanted nothing more than about a gazillion babies since I was 2), but I guess what I didn't expect was the extent that my CHILD could make amazing changes in other people's lives, even before he could talk. But before getting into that, let's backtrack really quickly so I can fill you in on some of the new and exciting parts of our world since I last blogged.

Eli is a whopping 9 months old now! He is saying "mamamamamamamamamamamama," "blahblahblahblah" and occasionally "da" (haha). He also has a wonderfully complex little language consisting of many consonant-vowel combinations (with plenty of slobbery raspberries thrown in for good measure). Contrary to what his linguistic choices suggest, his face absolutely lights up every time Daddy or Toby walk in the room (his consistent "Toby" sound is kind of a guttural grunt with his mouth closed). "mamamamamama" is his default noise, though "MA!!" is reserved for frustrating circumstances only.

Eli's "Foods I have Tried" archive now includes avocado, pear, sweet potato, apple, carrot, peach, asparagus, spinach, apricot, green bean, parsnip, blueberry, cherry, corn, potato salad, orange, grape, peas, scrambled egg yolk, bread, yogurt, graham crackers, quiche, hummus, rice, chicken, turkey, toast with a little butter, a couple types of fish, pasta, soft cheese, and dungeness crab (yes, he has good taste!). Of these, his favorites at the moment are blueberries, white peaches, asparagus, bread, and hummus. I love that we can just hand him big chunks of bread, crackers, or fruit that he can take bites out of, or put a variety of small things on his tray and let him practice his pincer grasp.

In terms of his motor skills, we recently learned from a chiropractor that some of Eli's reflexes (leg/hip areas) are still a little immature, hence his tendency to straighten his legs out (makes sense considering how much he's wanted to WALK since he was about 2 weeks old). This in turn has impacted his ability to crawl because he doesn't want to bend at the hip to bring his legs up underneath him. The good news is that he has perfect strength and tone, and no indication of neurological problems, so we're going to be working on some home exercises from the chiro, and his PT in order to loosen up those joints a bit! And that brings me back to my original comments. When Eli started showing signs of motor delay, a few things started to happen:

Number one, my own insecurities started coming to the surface regarding my ability to parent effectively. It's so funny that God gave me a passion for infant/child development, and that for years I've been essentially "practicing" on how to become the best possible mommy that I can be. I've worked in day cares and nurseries since I was 9, made honors in Human Development at an Ivy League university, and went on to work with neuropsychological disorders at Harvard Medical School, children and low-income families with special needs at the CDC in Colorado Springs, and coordinated clinical research for the Dept of Rehabilitation at UC Denver School of Medicine/The Children's Hospital. I don't air out my laundry list to brag, but to emphasize how enthusiastically, whole-heartedly, ENTIRELY committed I was from day one of my pregnancy to do EVERYTHING right in order to raise a happy, healthy child. I knew everything from the benefits of breastfeeding, to the timing/method of food introduction, to the most stimulating types of toys and books, to the best ways to encourage early language development. As far as I was concerned, I was going to raise the happiest, most well-adjusted, developmentally advanced little baby there ever was...And then, thankfully, God decided to cure me of my selfish desire to control. He blessed me with Eli, who simultaneously fell short of, and magnificently surpassed my every expectation (though MUCH more of the latter!). But I still couldn't get it out of my head. Why wasn't he rolling over much? How come he still has a flat spot on his head?? I've kept him off of his back since he was 2 months old, except when he rolls from side to back while sleeping!! I've made sure he's had even more tummy time than what's recommended (literally from day one), and he still hates it, and is still nowhere near crawling at 9 months. I've kept him out of the Johnny Jumpers entirely, and yet he has more leg rigidity than most kids who spend time in them every day. WHY isn't my child succeeding when I'm doing everything right, God??? That's when I heard, "How do you measure success, beloved?" and "Why are you making this about YOU?"

Number two, I noticed that people in Eli's life (people who love him and are honestly concerned for him) began to worry about him. This includes our extended family and some close friends. They were anxious about the same things I was (though, I try to tell myself, at least, that they weren't blaming me). Now it had moved on from my own problematic self-scrutiny to some pretty intense anxiety in other family members. And so began the exhaustive "rule-out" process. Part of the problem was that there didn't seem to be anything "wrong" with Eli. If he had received a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy or Down Syndrome, for instance, I would know what I'm dealing with, and confidently proceed onward with the necessary assistance. But this was different. So, we saw a PT to rule out tone issues, we had a CT scan to rule out neurological or cranial issues, we've been set up with a number of pediatricians, developmental pediatricians, and geneticists to rule out developmental/genetic causes. As we did all this, the anxiety seemed to intensify, while at the same time, a still, small voice kept repeating, "Why don't you trust me, beloved? Why can't you see the way I've gifted him? Why can't you cast your anxieties on me and be thankful?"

I maintained a steady stream of ignorance toward that voice (after all, I was busy figuring out what was so terribly wrong with my child!!) until one day, a particularly anxious family member, who hadn't been able to sleep all night after hearing about the possibility of "craniosynostosis" from someone who knew nothing about Eli, urged me desperately to schedule his CT scan as soon as possible. It was then that I suddenly KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that my child did NOT have craniosynostosis, nor was he suffering from any other debilitating developmental disorder. God totally opened my eyes to his provisions, yet again, and also allowed me to see that this fear was an attack. From the time Eli was born, Eli has been the sweetest, most joyfully content, loving, peaceful, patient, gentle baby I've ever seen. Not to mention his tendency toward deep thought, and emotional understanding, but those have always turned into compensatory excuses for why he's not catching up physically; "Maybe he'll just be really smart, or really social, and not be as physical," "Babies only develop one major area at a time, and he's more advanced in language skills, so that's why he's behind physically," or "He's just a really deep thinker and is more interested in observing things rather than being motivated to move around and interact with them." Regardless of whether any of these are actually true, I realized that it doesn't matter one bit. God defines success differently than we do, and He gave Eli the fruits of the Spirit because Eli is made in His image (see Galations 5:22-23), and is being shaped into a man after God's own heart! Eli is here for a very important reason, and Jake and I believe deep down that it's a BIG reason...God is going to use him in a very powerful way. And all of our fears about him being slow to crawl (kinda silly in the scope of life, isn't it?), or having craniosynostosis (which I've always known that he doesn't have) is actually an enemy tactic of DETRACTING our attention from the child God created Eli to be! As I spoke to this anxious family member, I felt the words come out of me and they weren't mine.

"Eli has been chosen by God - he is gifted in ways that we're not even paying attention to because we're so scared of what could be "wrong" with him. I KNOW there is NOTHING wrong with him! God has given me a peace about this, and I think we just have to trust that God is going to take care of Eli even better than any of us could. We just need to TRUST Him and SEE Eli for the amazing, blessed, world-changing man after God's heart that we believe he is becoming! Anything else is not from God."

We still had the scheduled CT scan done (and saw a number of other specialists who have given us good tips about how to encourage more motor activity, etc.), but one thing has been consistent: NO ONE has found ANY abnormalities or disorders to speak of! Eli is perfectly healthy and happy. I've just been measuring success wrong. And already, Eli is teaching me (and the whole extended family) what true, Godly success really is. And, what trust is. And what relenting control means! I thank God for blessing me with this amazing child - EXACTLY the way he is - every day!

Linden Lane - Before and After

We are finally feeling settled in our new home (though we still have a LOT to organize in the garage and in the 2 rooms upstairs!). Here are some before pictures as we were moving in:

Living room


Bathroom



***********AND THE AFTER PHOTOS (we still have some work to do, but it's getting there!)*********

Looking at kitchen from front entry


View from the kitchen to the back of the house


Dining room


One end of the living area - office


Living room



Hallway from dining/kitchen area to the bedroom area


Bathroom (note - new paint job, cabinets are lined and filled with linens, new doors hung - new floors to come soon!)


Master bedroom



Nursery





View from the nursery into the hallway


Hallway (stairs across from laundry)


View from hallway into dining room


Looking outside from living area (Toby is chillin)


Back deck

The Big MOVE!

A few months ago, Jake and I were praying a lot about the next step for our family, and we both heard a very unmistakable answer (separately, and then we confirmed it with each other); God wanted us to start living below our means. In other words, even though we are doing fine financially, are expecting Jake's 1 year raise soon, AND will have a car paid off this month, God spoke to us about doing the opposite of our natural inclination to spend more because we have more. Instead, we decided to downsize, and look for a smaller, simpler, less expensive place to live. We also agreed that we (in our ideal world) would LOVE to find a home that was a little more private, quiet, and spacious so Eli and Toby could really run around together in the next year. Of course, those were "wishes" and "hopes," but the reality is that we needed to find a less expensive place that would still meet all of our basic needs. WELL! God really came through! IN SO MANY WAYS! First off, we've been searching for a few months, and have found some cute places, but they were either too far, too expensive still (not cheap enough to offset the cost of moving), too inhospitable for dogs, or too small. Finally, we found an adorable little place on Craigslist, so I immediately contacted the landlord, who invited us to stop by and take a look (this was June 14). We knew it was right on the water AND had an acre of land, so for the low price, we were basically expecting a dump, but we decided to take a look anyway. OH MY GOSH - as soon as we saw it, we fell in love! It's a 1920's home and the previous tenants weren't exactly the neatest of people, so it needs some work, AND there is only one bathroom, and no dishwasher (ok, got the tough stuff out of the way), BUT, here are the things it has (most of which we didn't even ask God for!!):

1+ acre of gorgeous, waterfront property
At the end of a quiet, dead end street (a wooded, empty lot on one side, and a really nice house on the other, separated by a giant hedge)
A gigantic deck in good condition
2 car garage
4 bedrooms (well, 3 plus a bonus room) - all pretty small, though!
A wood-burning fireplace in the living room, and a covered area outside to store firewood
All new hardwood floors throughout, new paint on the walls, and either new or almost-new appliances throughout
A landlord who is the most accommodating guy I know, and is willing to not just let us fix it up however we want, but PAY for it!!
Prime location for fishing/clamming/oysters right on the beach in front of our house!!
Perfect view of July 4 fireworks/Whaling Days fireworks/Christmas boat lights
AMAZINGLY nice, baby-loving, dog-loving, Christian neighbors across the street
Tons of room for gardening (wild rose bushes everywhere, too!)

God didn't just provide what we needed; He provided in ABUNDANCE!! We are totally blown away that this place is in our lower price range, and feel so blessed to have snatched it up before someone else did! There are definitely some sacrifices we'll have to make (like space, no dishwasher, etc.), but that was the whole point of moving, so we totally welcome them! Anyway, this is where the story gets REALLY good....

This was our house!!! It was meant to be! We both knew it!! We decided that night that we would take it, and told Don (our new landlord), so he could cancel his special order for a washer/dryer, since we already had them. In our current rental, they require 20 days of written notice before you vacate. It was June 15th, and we signed a 12-month lease on July 5, 2010, so it was PERFECT timing to give our notice, and be out on July 5th, 2011!!

....or so we thought.

Apparently our *actual* lease end-date was June 30, making the whole 20 day thing not work so well. No idea why they do that, but after reading through the fine print on our lease, it's true. Here is a (paraphrased) version of the conversation from there:

Me: Hmmm...well, is there any way I can still give the 20 days notice now, and then just go 5 days into July, and get the rest pro-rated?
Property Manager ("them"): No. If you go one day into July, you have to pay for the whole month of July.

(This was not possible, as we would have 2 rent payments, AND the difference on our mortgage payment that we are still paying every month. The whole point of this was to *downsize* and *save* money....)

Me: Is there ANY way we can just give 15 days notice??
Them: No.
Me: So we're going to have to pay all of July's rent at this point no matter what?
Them: *Pause*.....Well, if you found another tenant to fill the place for part of July, then you'd only have to pay part of the month.
Me: But, there's no guarantee that we'd find someone...I mean, the house was vacant for at least a month before we moved in...
Them: Right. *Long pause*....
...
.....
We actually have some interested tenants here at the office right now that are interested in moving into a place TOMORROW.
Me: E@#$J#$#(..TOMORROW?!?!.....uuum...uhh...ok..I guess....send them over...? *brain going a million miles an hour trying to figure out how this could even work*

So, this couple shows up at our door a few minutes later (thank GOD I had just cleaned the entire house!!) to see the house. They were really nice - about our age, with a 5-month old little boy). After walking through the home and answering their questions about approximate utility bill payments, they immediately loved it and wanted it over some of the other (currently empty) choices. They explained that they had just moved here for Jimmy to start a new job, and they had been living out of a hotel, with all their stuff stuck in a Uhaul. They were absolutely desperate to find a place ASAP because they only had the Uhaul until tomorrow (Thursday, 6/16), and the hotel room until Friday night (6/17). Not only did they not have the money for any extra days, but it was Father's Day Weekend, and everywhere was booked anyway. Of course, they saw that we hadn't even packed ONE box yet, and realized there was NO WAY we could be completely out by the next day. But, it was in both of our best interest to make it work somehow, so we started trying to find a solution. We figured out that if we could at least move everything out of our garage that night, and move it into the garage at our new house, they could unload all their stuff into the garage the following day, so they could return the Uhaul. Then, we could spend Thursday and Friday moving everything over to the new house, one room at a time, while they moved IN one room at a time. We would just help each other move! AND the new couple was SO impressed with the clean condition of the house, AND the room decor in Eli's room, that they didn't even think we needed to clean anything upon moving out, OR re-paint the walls! They would just do the same color scheme in their son's room! They even said they'd sign a waiver saying that they would take the blame for any mess/damage not addressed upon our move-out. We were getting excited!!! This could actually work REALLY well!!!

....But no. When we checked with the property manager, our little bubbles of joy were quickly popped..

Me: Thanks for sending that couple over! They love the house, and we think we can make this work by moving out as they move in. And they're extremely happy with the condition of the house, and are willing to take responsibility for all of it. The only problem would be that the house wouldn't be completely empty at any point, so is there a way we could do a modified move-out walkthrough? Or at least waive the carpet-cleaning requirement?
Them: No. You still need to empty the house, clean it (including professional carpet cleaning), hand your keys in, then we'll do the formal walkthrough, sign the lease with the new couple, and THEN they can move it.
Me: ...well, is there any way that they can at least just move their stuff into the garage so they can return their Uhaul? The rest of the house can be completely empty!!
Them: No. They can't put anything on the property until the walkthrough is done, and the lease is signed.
Me:3#(*$&(#*&$(*&#$#P(*#PUPR{)(#{(@

So, I proceeded to call the couple and explain the situation, and ask if there was ANY WAY AT ALL that they could just extend their Uhaul reservation just another day or 2 so we can empty everything out of the house completely. While they checked on it, we realized that although we had access to the garage at the new house, we still didn't have a key to the house itself. For some of our nicer furniture, etc., we really needed to be able to move in to the house and not the garage. Unfortunately, the landlord said he lived near Seattle, and we had no time for him to mail the key. My in-laws said they'd take the day off to come out and help us move on Friday (6/17), and since they could probably pass through Seattle on the way, I called the landlord to see if they could get the key from him. That's when he told me that he didn't actually live "in" Seattle ........(oohhh great..)

..He lives in Fall City - which just HAPPENS TO BE LIKE 2 MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD FROM JAKE'S PARENTS' HOUSE!!!! Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions! He had absolutely no problem with them coming to get the key from him so we could start to move in the next day (Friday). So, that was taken care of, but we still didn't know if the new tenants were going to agree to everything! Finally, we heard back from them, and they said that because they have the hotel through Friday night, they could probably figure out a way to pay for the Uhaul through Saturday at the latest, giving us a little more time to move EVERYTHING out AND clean the entire 2500 square foot house for the walkthrough. Then, they could move in on Saturday night. OK!!! We're back to a workable (albeit challenging) plan! So, I called the property manager again...

Me: OK! They're willing to extend the Uhaul through Saturday, but they only have the hotel through Friday night, so is it ok if we plan to be out by Saturday morning, then you can do the walkthrough, and they can move in later that day??????????????
Them: No. We don't work on the weekends. EVEN if we felt like being nice, and decided to do the walkthrough on Saturday, they'd absolutely have to wait until Monday to sign the lease and move in. We don't do lease signing on weekends.
Me: *sound of heart deflating....again...* ...And I don't suppose they can just move their stuff into the garage on the weekend after we clean it and turn our keys in?
Them: No. They have to sign the lease first.
Me: OF COURSE THEY DO. *mentally punching something*

At this point I was almost in tears from the sheer insanity of all of this. There were things that were CLEARLY from God, and multiple confirmations that all this was supposed to happen, but then every single time we find a (nearly impossible) solution to a nearly impossible problem, it gets shot down. It was highest highs and lowest lows like this for the entire day on Thursday, and after many conversations with Jake and my very wise mother-in-law, I finally decided to offer a last-ditch effort, and ask the new tenants if they can make it to Monday by staying in our guest room for a couple nights to offset the cost of keeping the Uhaul over the weekend. There is no other explanation (aside from God) that they hadn't just given up by now, and decided to move into a very similar, nice, EMPTY house instead. As we waited for them to call us back and give us a definitive answer, I honestly felt like throwing up. There was no logical reason for them to go for all of this. We had already packed and moved our garage into the new house, AND the landlord had canceled his special order (which costs money to do) for the washer/dryer because of us. SO much energy, thinking, and downright stress had gone into everything until now, and it was just a simple (rational) "no, thanks" away from falling apart.

So, Jake and I prayed. And Taree and Bob prayed. And my parents prayed. We had so many friends and family praying for not just us, but for the new tenants (who didn't show any indication that they even believed in prayer, or God). We prayed that they would make the RIGHT decision - whatever that was, and that God would bless them with the means necessary to make it until Monday. Everything was riding on it.

That night (Thursday, 6/16), they called us back, and told us they could do it. I about melted into a blissful puddle of muck on the floor. It was going to work. FOR REAL. We found out later that they had explained the situation to the Uhaul company, and the guy told them to just take it (for FREE - normally about $100/day) until Tuesday!!! Then, they asked the woman at the hotel desk if she knew of any nearby hotels with any availability over the holiday weekend. She made a few calls to some other hotel owners in the area, and not only found them rooms for the rest of the weekend, but got them the family discount for $50/night instead of $100+!! Talk about answered prayer!

The last step was finding a carpet cleaner....on a Sunday...which just also happened to be Father's Day.......I made about 5 or 6 calls, and most of them were booked out for weeks, and/or wouldn't be able to do it on Father's Day anyway. Then, I found one that was owned by a really nice woman, who had a certain affinity for babies (and heard little Eli talking away in the background), and sympathized with our situation. She was able to switch up the schedules and get a guy (who doesn't happen to be a dad) out here on Sunday morning. PRAISE GOD!! Everything would be moved and cleaned by Saturday night, the carpets would be cleaned on Sunday morning, and we would drop the keys in the drop box at the property management office on Sunday around noon on our way out of town so we could spend the rest of Father's Day with Dad B.

So, starting late on Thursday night, Jake and I started packing like madmen. We sent out a call to all our nearby friends for help with moving, and got a moving party scheduled for both Friday and Saturday. The next day, Jake's parents and the Kim family came out and helped us move/pack at least 60 or 70 percent of the house (and Soobin REALLY helped by watching Eli while we took trips back and forth), then on Saturday, we had help from the Bollinger's, Uncle Keith, the new tenants, our neighbor Craig, and Brandon - a friend from Bremerton. Brandon even let us stay at his place Saturday night since we had no other place to go (we were thinking of spending it on our living room floor), and had to be up early on Sunday for the carpet cleaning. The rest of the weekend went exactly as planned, we were officially vacated by Sunday, and we spent our first day in the new house on Monday 6/20. Jake's sister Cassie and brother-in-law Casey even offered to take Toby for a few days so that I could have him out of my hair while I moved in (Jake was going away on a business trip for 3 days starting Tuesday). So, from the day we found/decided on the house to our first day of living in it, it was about 5 DAYS TOTAL. Insanity. Pure insanity. And lots of sore, pulled muscles, discombobulated packing boxes, a severely under-prepared, messy house (the landlord wasn't exactly ready for us to move in quite yet, but was happy that we did), utter mental exhaustion, but above all, BLESSING and PROVISION BEYOND BELIEF!! Our God truly is an amazing God who cares about the big picture AND every single, tiny, little detail.

I'm going to include the scripture verse that my amazing Mom B reminded me of while this was all going on.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. -Ephesians 3:20-21

Cloth Diaper Instructional Video

In continuation of my last post about cloth diapers, I've put up a video demonstration for you to see, too! Enjoy!

Oregon Coast

For the first time since Eli was born, Jake and I had the pleasure of going on a weekend vacation (one night of which, we had all to ourselves!!). We were soooo blessed to be able to use Jake's aunt/uncle's beach house in Waldport, OR. It was absolutely GORGEOUS and was built on top of a cliff overlooking a sandy beach (you don't see too many of those in WA!).



The drive took about 6 hours, but it worked out perfectly both times, because we waited until later in the day when Eli usually takes his 3-4 hour nap, stopped once to eat/feed and change the baby/stretch our legs, and then hopped in the car again just as Eli drifted off for the rest of the night! Basically, he slept both ways, and we had a nice relaxing drive (thank you GOD!). When we arrived late on Thursday night (which was also our anniversary), we put Eli down to bed, and got to hear the ocean waves right out the window of our room, though we couldn't see much! The next morning, we got to sleep in, and wake up to the most amazing view of the water right out our window!!



We enjoyed the morning leisurely, taking pictures of the seals right across from the house, walking the beach with Eli, and enjoying the beach house before the rest of the family got there. I felt like we were millions of miles away from home (in a good way), with all the time in the world! And I had my two favorite boys to share it with!











Later on Friday, we were joined by Aunt Patty, Cousin Alison, and Alison's son Gavin (2 years old, and inevitably the gang leader of our growing group of baby boys!). Gavin was SOOO interested in baby Eli, and couldn't wait to see him and hold him! We snuck into the bedroom to spy on sleeping Eli during his nap, and after lots of "shhh-ing," whispering, and tip-toeing, cute little Gavin got so excited that he shouted in glee for his mom on the way out of the bedroom! hahaha Good thing Eli is a sound sleeper! Gavin and Eli have a lot in common in that they are both reeeaaally tall for their age, and people often mistake them for being older than they are!



Later on, Grandma and Grandpa Bollinger showed up, and we all enjoyed a fun day of visiting before the Cramer's had to leave. The grandparents babysat the kiddos while Jake, Ali and I went shopping downtown - it was fun to get some "adult time." Uncle Casey, Aunt Cassie and baby Jack came in late that night, so we saw them the next morning. On Saturday, we had some girl time down at the shops again, and also brought the baby cousins down to the beach to get some pictures. Eli thought the sand was really interesting, and loved to move his hands around in it (which of course resulted in sand-in-the-mouth, despite our lightning-fast parental reflexes). It was all a great experience for Eli, regardless! He'll be like his daddy - growing up eating things like dirt...and fertilizer.....and dog medicine.......(thanks big sister Cassie!), and his immune system will be all the better for it! HAH!





We celebrated my birthday that night (so that we could save Sunday for Mother's Day), and had a fun night working on puzzles with Grandma B. Sunday was Mother's Day, so we had a special Mexican-style brunch with John Wayne Casserole, potatoes, chili and mimosas, and then Jake and I spent our last day flying a kite down on the beach with Eli. He seemed somewhat interested in the rainbow colors, but wasn't a huge fan of the wind or looking up into the bright sky. Oh well...it was fun for us, at least! Jake and I agree that this weekend was such an awesome 4th anniversary/birthday/Mother's Day blessing, and such a great chance to relax with family in one of our favorite settings on earth! Hopefully when Eli grows up, he will love the beach just as much as his parents do!

Cloth Diapering!

During my pregnancy, Jake and I decided to check out the option of cloth diapers (at the recommendation of quite a few friends who love them). The advantages seemed pretty good - both financially, and environmentally. And I am SO GLAD that we chose them as our primary method of diapering at home (during long trips, it's often easiest to use disposables), because we have already saved hundreds of dollars, and we expect that number to go well into the thousands as we have more children. Of course, I don't make any financial decision lightly, and had to research the options thoroughly beforehand. And not surprisingly, many, MANY people have asked me about it as they prepare for their own babies. SO! I decided to just post all my research so that it's out there for anyone who is interested! I am also planning on uploading a video, or at least some photos so you can see how easy (and cute) it really is! ENJOY!



Overall, I've calculated that (depending on the brand and whether the size is adjustable), most people spend between 200 and 450 on their cloth diaper stash, as compared to 1600 to 2000 dollars on disposables from birth to potty training. Granted, you have to pay for water costs to wash them, but almost all my friends with high-efficiency washers didn't even notice a difference on their bill, and we haven't either! There are quite a few options out there, and it can quickly get overwhelming, so I put together a spreadsheet with the options that were important to me, and estimated cost (my favorites are highlighted). Here are some of the options to think about:

1. Type of diaper - my favorites are:
-cover with pre-folds so you can switch the prefold inserts out but keep the same cover for most of the day...provided there's not a gigantic mess! (Grovia makes an insert that snaps in so it doesn't move around)
-all-in-one (AIO) which is essentially just like a disposable in that you change the entire diaper out each time. Because of this, you'll probably need more of them, but they are easier in some ways
-hybrid (Grovia and G-Baby make these), which basically include a disposable/flushable liner that is good at catching solids, etc. - they're awesome, but can get expensive
-Rumparooz makes a pocket diaper that looks like an AIO, but you can put extra inserts/soakers into a flap for heavy wetters, etc.

2. Adjustable size (or "One Size")
-I LOVED this option because it's such a money-saver! These diapers have a series of snaps across the front that can be used to adjust the size of the diaper from newborn all the way to potty training! So you can get away with one stash the entire time! However, I've heard that the ones that last for 2(ish) years don't always fit quite right, so I opted for the ones that go from birth to 1 year, and then another set from 1 year to potty training

3. Snaps or Velcro (no need to worry about using safety pins anymore! haha)
-again, depends on your preference - snaps will last longer with lots of washing, but aren't quite as quick or as adjustable as a patch of velcro (hook and loop). Something to keep in mind is that babies may learn to undo the velcro once they get a little older! Grovia has an option where you can send your covers in to convert to a snap system for a small fee if you'd like to do it later on.

4. Type of material
-especially when it comes to inserts/prefolds, there are lots of options from hemp to cotton, and with a variety of layers. I'd get a good mix so that you have some super-absorbent soakers for naptime/nighttime, but also some that aren't as bulky during the day. Also, when the child starts to potty train, they say that a lot of absorbency isn't as great because they have to learn to feel and recognize the wetness. So, what you use might change over time as well.

5. Cost
-They range in price from around $10 a diaper all the way up to $35...seems really expensive, but when you consider that it's a one-time cost that will last you through potty training, and even through future children, it's really worth it! I decided to go with about 12 covers, 25 prefolds/soakers, a few pocket diapers, and a few all-in-ones (just to try them, and use them with a babysitter since they're a little easier). I didn't need as many because all the ones I'm getting are adjustable. After a lot of research, I chose the following brands: Thirsties wraps with prefolds, Grovia/Grobaby, and Rumparooz. Also remember that you'll need special detergent that is safe for cloth diapers, a wet, dry, or wet/dry pail (again, preference - you can research the difference..we use a dry pail with some baking soda and it works fine), cloth diaper-safe stain remover if you're concerned about stains, a sprayer if you'd like to try to remove most of the solids into the toilet before washing (GroVia has a bioliner that catches most of the solids so we haven't needed a sprayer), a wet bag for travel/errands, and cloth diaper-safe diaper rash cream.



Check out this website for a good variety of diapers and accessories: www.diaperjunction.com (I actually made a registry on here for my baby showers!), and also http://www.momsmilkboutique.com/

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT!! We absolutely LOVE using cloth, and Eli seems to actually prefer it on his bottom, too! In fact, almost everyone that has watched me change Eli using cloth has suddenly decided to consider it! So, please ask if you have any other questions! Video to follow...

It's the Small Things

After about a week of rice cereal, we have moved on to real food as of yesterday! Eli's first official food was avocado (nicely mushed). I guess a lot of people start with things like sweet potato or squash (those will probably be next), but avocado is INCREDIBLY nutritious, and filled with lots of good fats that are important for baby's brain development! And it's a perfect consistency for mashing without having to worry about cooking/steaming. So, fresh avocado it was! He did really well, and was even trying to pull the spoon into his mouth...though we did end up with a bit of it on his bib/mouth/face!




Also, yesterday was the FIRST TIME we actually witnessed Eli transferring an object from one hand to the other - an important developmental milestone. I'm sure he's done it before, but we finally saw it. While this milestone would generally suggest that the baby has good enough control to *let go* of an object in order to transfer it to the other hand, Eli figured out that all he has to do it YANK on it really hard, thus tearing it out of one firmly gripped fist in order to re-locate it to the other one. Whatever. As long as it's getting there somehow...

He can also officially hold his own bottle for an entire feeding (with supervision), which really frees my hands up if I have something pressing and little time to juggle everything. We are still doing breastmilk (nursing, or pumped) about 90 percent of the time, but with all these growth spurts, we've been supplementing with formula here and there to make sure he has enough, and good iron content.

To conclude, I can't remember how or when it occurred to me, but all I know is that one day, I realized that I am utterly enamored by my child.

...To the extent that things like mushed up avocado and 1-syllable sounds are suddenly incredibly exciting
...To the extent that I get a deep feeling of accomplishment following something as simple as little fingers finding little toes (and the ensuing playtime)
...To the extent that I could watch him smile or sleep for HOURS (literally) and never get tired of it
...To the extent that I can't fathom why anyone else WOULDN'T be equally excited to observe his cute little face for all those said hours
...To the extent that my pre-baby self would probably be slightly annoyed with my goo-gooing, face-making, motherese-speaking, totally lovesick present self, were we ever to meet

Man. I'm one of THOSE moms. REALLY!?!? I've never been incredibly weepy or sappy, yet this little person has reduced me to a blubbering pile of joyful mush. Sometimes I wonder if the love that parents have for their children is the closest thing on earth to the love that our God has for us. I mean, when God created us, He saw all He had made, and said it was "very good." (Genesis 1:31) He didn't just make us and move on; He ENJOYED us!! He loves watching us grow, even when our "milestones" are relatively small and simple. He is utterly enamored by us, and for the first time in my life, I'm **beginning** to truly understand the extent of this love. It blows me away!

Leaven ≠ Gluten. Wait. What??

I am officially the worst blogger there ever was. I'm well aware of the time lapse between posts, but I promise that I think about it every day...that has to count for something, right? Eli is doing well - he's almost 6 months old now, and is REALLY interactive (even says "MA!!" without knowing it's meaning, of course), and loves to laugh and giggle at weird sounds (i.e. paper ripping, or Velcro). He's also sitting up for short periods of time on his own, and is fascinated with kicking absolutely everything, including my now slightly bruised legs/thighs, and our rather simple-minded dog. We started him on rice cereal about a week ago, and much to our amazement (not really) he takes after his daddy when it comes to eating. The only thing that has been a little frustrating has been getting him to use his arms to push himself up into a mini-pushup, and because he's so reluctant about this, he still can't completely roll over by himself. So, we've been doing some PT with him to encourage him to use his arms more. My guess is that he's just too stubborn and has no interest in all of the typical motivators, like toys.

Me: C'mon Eli, use those arms!! Push up!!
Eli: *upset*
Me: Ooohh!! Look at this toy! Don't you want to turn your head toward it??? Look UP! Look UPPP!!!!
Eli: *MAD*
Me: OH! How about THIS?!? A funny face?? A pacifier???? If you just push up on your arms and turn your head up toward me, we can get you rolling over! Just give it a try?
Eli: *Angrily burrows his red little face farther into the floor*

Anyway, hopefully this will resolve itself soon! On another note, we celebrated Passover this week, which is awesome because (unlike Easter...which is based on multiple Pagan traditions...when you have a minute, go look up where the word "Easter" comes from...sorry, all you egg-hunting, candy-eating, bunny-loving people out there), Passover is something Jesus actually celebrated, AND God commanded us to teach to each generation. So, we thought our first year with Eli would be the perfect time to not only host a Seder, but lead it for the first time at our house. We had about 10 people come, including 2 baby boys (Eli and his cousin Jack), and we had an ABSOLUTELY AWESOME time of learning about the traditions, God's deliverance, and the connections with Christ's first and second comings. Pretty cool stuff, if you ask me. Way better than chocolate bunnies.

After the initial Seder on the first night, we are commanded to not eat leaven (yeast..or anything else that would cause bread to rise) for 8 days, as leaven is compared to sin in the Bible (1 Corinthians 5:6-8). So, Jake and I are in the middle of this fast, and it's teaching us a lot...

...and providing good entertainment. SO! Funny story. We were on our way to Bible study on Wednesday night, but had to rush since it was right after Jake got out of work. To save time, we decided to place an order for take-out at Red Robin and pick it up on the way. I knew it would be pretty hard to explain that we couldn't eat anything that had "leaven" in it, so I just figured I'd tell them we were gluten intolerant, just to be safe. I ordered the chicken bruschetta burger without the bun, and Jake got the turkey burger without the bun, and a side of melon (he's also on a diet). We're all proud of ourselves, and everything. When I go in to pick up the food, the girl had written "ALLERGY ALERT" all over EVERYTHING, and quickly assured me that they hadn't put any salt on my french fries (pretty much the best thing about Red Robin). I tried to play it off like I OBVIOUSLY understood that salt would be a no-no for me and my poor gluten-intolerant husband, and thanked her. When I got back to the car, we hungrily took out our food in eager anticipation. What we found was less than climactic. My "burger" comprised of a piece of chicken with some cheese on it. Instead of the plethora of sauces that usually come on this sandwich, they had provided me with about 4 containers of ranch dressing. The french fries were cold and lacked any flavor whatsoever. Jake was even more fortunate.. He uncovered a turkey burger patty surrounded by lettuce that was missing both the chipotle mayo sauce, AND the side of melon! Apparently protecting the gluten-intolerant person means avoiding all methods of flavor at all costs, as well as potentially death-causing melon. Apparently silverware has gluten in it, too, as there was none to be found, despite their clear effort in giving us sandwiches without buns.

It totally serves me right for lying to the take-out lady. I will never do it again - especially not when the whole purpose of my lie was to avoid a food that is supposed to represent sin, which would include things like lying...........God has a sense of humor when he teaches us things, sometimes.

P.S. BEST RECIPE EVER for Passover OR those poor, gluten-intolerant souls!! This cake tastes like chocolate Heavenly fudge melting in your mouth! I just substituted about half the bittersweet chocolate with semi-sweet chocolate. Try it out! :)

Approaching the 4-Month Mark

First of all, I can't even believe it's been 4 months since we first met our precious Eli! EVERYONE tells you how fast time passes when you're watching your little one grow, but you don't really understand until it's happening. I've actually caught myself saying tearful goodbyes to some of my favorite little outfits as he outgrows them! It's the weirdest experience because you're simultaneously mourning the tiny infant you fell in love with that you'll never get to hold again, but also falling deeper and deeper in love with this new, bigger, more interactive, smiling bundle of joy! Kind of like every stage is a sad goodbye and an exciting hello all at once. And it can happen in a matter of days right now! Weird! But a blessing nonetheless!

Well, we are finally through with what most people would consider "early infancy"! This is the time that the pacifier size changes, you start using new bottle nipples with a faster flow, some people start introducing rice cereal and solids, and babies are finally starting to play with toys and interact purposefully with the world around them! Right now Eli is about 15 lbs and already wearing 6-9 month clothing (but that's also because he's so long!) He is doing SO much lately - I barely have time to blog about it to keep friends and family updated! But here are some of his favorite things right now:

1. Rolling - originally he would only roll from his left side to his back, but now he's doing it with both sides, and even though he hasn't QUITE gotten the front to back thing down yet, he can do it from his tummy as long as one of his arms is moved out of the way! For whatever reason, he has been bearing weight on his legs since he was born, and even jumping and making crawling movements with his LEGS, but he refuses to use his arms! Instead he prefers to spread out his arms like a plane during the short time he tolerates tummy time!

2. Singing and talking!! This boy KNOWS music!! He sings along at church - friends and family have confirmed it! And he LOVES to dance when music is playing. I'll hold his hands to balance him while he's standing, and wave them around to the music and he will CRACK UP! I loves it when his little eyes light up when we dance around to worship music in the mornings. I'm hoping and praying that Eli will be a worshiper! We all thought because of his calm, gentle little spirit that he'd be a quiet baby...HAH! He rarely cries, but WOW does he love to talk! Especially in quiet environments like church. He coos, hums, squawks, and even says, "MA!!" over and over! Perhaps he'll be less like Jake and more like his mommy in this regard...

3. Using his hands - I guess a lot of babies are motivated by toys around this age. He could take them or leave them (he'll sometimes reach out to grab something, but is perfectly content to just observe). However, he likes to sit at the piano with me for at least 10 or 20 minutes and use both his hands on the keys to make sounds. He also finger painted his daddy a picture for daddy's birthday - his very first piece of artwork, and he was concentrated on moving his little fingers around the paper for nearly 30 minutes! My favorite thing about his hands is when he gently grabs onto my shirt/chest or fingers while I'm feeding him, or even during play. While he's not the biggest cuddle-bug in the world, he LOVES just a simple touch from his mommy or daddy.

4. Laughing!! About a month ago, he started laughing!! And I think his giggles actually surprised him at first! He would giggle and suck air into his throat making a rather loud noise which would then surprise him, make him jump a little, and then result in more laughing! The things he finds funniest are moving fabric/cloth (yeah...I know, hilarious, right?), peek-a-boo, and other people laughing. Sometimes, he'll just start laughing at nothing apparently. We were in the mall the other day and Jake was holding him facing outward while I went to get a coffee. When I came back, he was cracking up for no apparent reason, but looking straight ahead. I tell Jake that I think he still sees angels. Interestingly, he doesn't seem ticklish at all! He might be more like his daddy in that respect (who is SO ticklish that it doesn't even tickle anymore; it almost hurts!).

5. EVERYTHING in the mouth! Yeah, we're beginning to suspect some pre-teething behavior given all this drool and trouble with eating (which is also due to a recent thrush infection..ugh!). But it's rather cute to watch him gnawing away at his hands/fingers while making squealing noises during a diaper change. He also enjoys eating my bare shoulder and chewing on cold things - particularly fabric (like a cold wash cloth). So far though, we haven't seen much fussiness and he's still sleeping 9-10 hours at night so we're hoping that if it IS due to teething, he'll come through it pretty easily.

6. Standing up - with all the standing he's done since the time he was born, it's no wonder that his favorite toy right now is his stationary jumper. Being upright/able to look around combined with a way to balance and jump at the same time is HEAVEN to him! And he likes the little toys, lights, and music, too! I wonder sometimes if he'll be an early walker, or at least do less crawling and proceed right to walking since he's apparently not a fan of using his arms so much. We'll see!

Some of his least favorite things right now are tummy time, Orajel (yeah, we tried that because of the teething stuff...didn't work out so well), getting into his car seat (never really an issue until recently), and cuddling. He is ALL ABOUT looking around and taking everything in, and if you force him to face you tummy-to-tummy, he'll spend most of the time burrowing his head into your chest or head-butting your face in rebellion (though he'll rarely actually cry about it). He is bright-eyed, curious, and ready to take in the world around him! And a lot of people are finally saying that he's starting to look like me instead of an exact replica of his daddy! I'd say it's finally about 50-50 now!

Make Way for Milk!

Ok, I KNOW it's been forever since my last post, but I had a pretty good excuse! Jake and I have been in the throws of parenthood for the last 3 months, and are SO. AMAZINGLY. UNABASHEDLY. In LOVE with this little boy of ours!! I know every parent feels this way (or should, at least), but for whatever reason, in all my years of working with babies, I really think we hit the jackpot with this one! Not to say it's been without its challenges...challenges that you don't always hear about beforehand. So, I figured I'd list some amazing blessings we've experienced so far, as well as some challenges we've been dealing with, and what they've taught us! Let's start with....

BREASTFEEDING!!!
To be quite honest, I haven't had as many issues with this as a lot of women I know, and for that I am SO thankful! My milk came in almost immediately while we were still at the hospital, and Eli's been eating really well ever since. In fact, I never even needed to bottle feed him until close to the 3 month mark, and very rarely still. I really felt passionate about nursing as much as possible for the 1st 12 months, so we prayed about it leading up to Eli's arrival. God really came through. Not only has he been eating well, but it hasn't been nearly as painful as I expected (though that first week or 2 of engorgement is another story!). I absolutely LOVE looking down at those bright blue eyes and feeling his little hands move against my skin while he chows down. He also likes to affectionately grip the center of my shirt or my fingers while he eats. All of which makes me feel SO fulfilled, like I'm doing exactly what I was created to do to keep this precious little person alive and growing strong. It's quite a feeling!

HOWEVER...there have been some rather unexpected bumps in the road that I thought ya'll might either want to know about, or at least be mildly entertained by. Here are some details I'd have loved to know ahead of time (DISCLAIMER - you may NOT want to know all these details, in which case I'd advise you to stop reading):

1. Ever wondered what it would feel like to have breast augmentation surgery? Welcome to the first 1-2 weeks post-partum. Your ta-tas will swell up like rock-hard cantaloupes and you should be prepared to twinge in pain at even the *thought* of anything coming within arm's reach of them. Luckily, as awkward and uncomfortable as nursing may seem during that time, it actually provides some relief from the engorgement, which motivates you to keep going. On a side note, your husband may not mind this cantaloupe stage quite as much as you do..."look but don't touch" was our agreed-upon policy.

2. I don't care WHAT you do or how high your pain tolerance is. Your nipples are going to hurt in the beginning. Thank goodness this only lasts for a little while until you get used to it (provided the baby is latching properly). The first thing you'll grab is some lanolin breast cream - but TAKE NOTE!! Smearing it all over your entire boob because it hurts is NOT effective, nor does it make for a very happy baby at meal-time. Apparently you're just supposed to dab the very tip of your nipple with it. Who knew.

3. There's this little thing called the "milk letdown reflex" that I was generally aware of before becoming a mom. I had heard that it was kind of "tingly" and that it would happen when you heard a baby cry, etc. I did not know, however, that it would feel like some combination of twisting, getting electrocuted, and being hit by a dodgeball...all on those already-sensitive cantaloupe melons. Mind you, this isn't necessarily a typical experience; I must just be one of the "lucky" ones.

4. Last but not least, when the aforementioned milk letdown occurs, be prepared for some pretty interesting phenomena down there. I of course knew about "leaking" and expected some sort of drippy-faucet thing, which happens on occasion. What I wasn't expecting is a constant stream with enough pressure to shoot out almost a foot from my body in various directions. (I warned you to stop reading if you didn't want to hear the details) Yeah. Imagine holding your thumb over the spout of a hose. Not only is this kind of awkward when you're (hypothetically) showering with your husband and facing his direction, but imagine what your BABY goes through in the beginning of each feeding! I've finally developed a technique of pulling him off right before it happens and grabbing a burp cloth instead to prevent drowning!

Now for the important part. Clearly the blessing of breastfeeding comes with its challenges (and I haven't even had to deal with mastitis, infection, cracked nipples, or difficulty with latching!). BUT I don't want this to discourage anyone from doing it! Mostly I want to point out that even in these obstacles, God is teaching me valuable things about not just parenthood, but His love for us. First and foremost, breastfeeding is teaching me about patience and sacrifice. It's not always convenient or comfortable, but it's SO rewarding, and SO worth it! In fact, the sacrifice involved only lends more value to my unconditional love for Eli. It's such an enjoyable sacrifice because I was MADE to love and sacrifice is the most significant expression of love. Secondly, my nipples might hurt, but imagine how Eli's chapped little lips and mouth must be feeling! I might be awkwardly spewing milk all over the place, but that little baby has to deal with choking and potentially drowning each time he tries to eat...to SURVIVE! The other important thing I'm learning is how selfish it is to focus on myself and all MY difficulties with this. For thousands of years, breastfeeding has been every helpless little infants' lifeline; it's probably not always easy for them either, but what choice do they have? Plus, it provides for an awesome bonding experience. It is a GIFT that I really shouldn't complain about or take for granted! And God is faithful in reminding me of this every time my sweet Eli gets his fill and looks up with those bright blue eyes and a heart-warming smile. It's All. TOTALLY. WORTH EVERY SECOND! <3