Life and Such

It has been absolutely KILLING ME to not be able to share this with so many of our friends and family for so long due to the nature of the situation, but we are finally coming out on the other side and I can let you know what's been happening in our life over the past couple months. Let me preface by saying that God is so, so, so, SO good and He has completely showed Himself to be our "Firm Foundation" this year in so many ways, like He promised He would :)

Do you remember when the Twin Towers were hit? The room you were in when you found out? What you were doing? Like it was all in slow motion so your brain could capture every significant second of it? Yeah, that happened to us at a little after 3pm on Friday, January 20th, 2012. We had some snow days earlier that week, so Jake finally went back to work for a full day before the weekend. ...Or what we thought would be a full day. He walked through the door of our house about 2 hours early with a weird look on his face. The last thing I expected to hear was that as of that day, his entire company had shut down completely. The kind of shutdown where you bring all your office stuff home in a box that same day because the building won't even belong to the company on Monday. The kind of shutdown that leaves people without severance pay, extension of benefits, or even (as we would soon find out) a final paycheck. Apparently the company had been struggling financially because of a lack of government contracts (no federal budget means no contracting action or investment from federal agencies), and while they were hoping to sell the company to a larger company, the negotiation fell through and they were left with nothing. I was sitting on the couch as he told me this, 6 months pregnant with a one year old napping in the next room, and bills that needed paying within the next couple days. Time kind of stopped for me, much like on September 11th, and we were suddenly surrounded by a thick, confusing fog. But, I kept hearing "Firm Foundation" (my 2012 "One Word") repeated over and over in my head. Jake and I immediately got on our knees and started to pray. Interestingly, instead of a prayer of desperation, it ended up being much more expectant and hopeful. Like God was already speaking to us about the amazing, almost unimaginable outcome on the other side of the fog.

But, that didn't leave us without challenge! Right away Jake started with his job search (which isn't easy or quick in this economy) and we began the process to start receiving unemployment. Almost immediately, God began to provide in absolutely AMAZING ways!! We had enough savings to get us through for a little while, not to mention that our healthcare is through the Army Reserves, so we didn't have to worry about discontinuation of healthcare benefits (thank GOD, since we were only a few months away from having a baby and I was in the throws of prenatal care for me and developmental specialists for Eli). And get this - we got all of our tax return documents early this year, and were able to file THAT WEEKEND! 2-3 weeks later we got the biggest return we've ever gotten, which just happened to be almost *exactly* the amount of one of Jake's bimonthly paychecks (like, within a hundred dollars)! While some people were complaining that they weren't going to be able to use their tax return toward something fun or fancy, we were on our knees in thankfulness and awe of God's perfect provision in helping us pay the next round of bills, our mortgage, and groceries for the next few weeks.

As the days passed, we started to receive unemployment checks, which also helped. I hear that sometimes takes weeks and weeks, but we got our first check just 1-2 weeks after applying. God wasn't just providing; He was being SO timely!! Meanwhile, Jake had applied for nearly 70 jobs in 2ish weeks, in Washington, Colorado, and Massachusetts/CT/RI. He actually started hearing responses and getting phone interviews just 2 weeks after his initial applications. Each day, we would set aside quiet time and prayer with God, and I journaled about the instances of the words "firm" and "foundation" throughout the Bible, and what each of them said about God's character and how we are called to live and trust Him. Through this challenging time, God drew us closer to Him and to each other in our marriage, and while we had moments of anxiety and frustration, we NEVER reached a point of hopelessness. Jake started to receive more promising interviews over the next month, but just as we started to think "this is it!!," we'd be thrown for a curve-ball, and things would fall through. I went back to work as a temporary preschool teacher to help with some of the financial burden, though at over 7 months pregnant (with a severely suppressed immune system), this turned out to be a much more challenging commitment than I expected! During this time it was really hard to stay focused and at peace because my body was becoming exhausted and very, very sick (not to mention Eli's, since he stayed in the daycare down the hall for free during those hours). In the end, I'm glad I did it and it was SUCH a blessing to connect with those kids and provide a much-needed respite for the other teachers who's husbands were coming home from a Navy deployment. But ever since, Eli and I have been battling virus after infection after virus after infection for the last month and a half, and I lift up a prayer every now and then thanking God for preventing me from going into premature labor with all the lifting, bending, and exertion those 2 weeks brought on my system! We would also make sure to thank God for closing doors since they obviously weren't the "right" job, as excited as we may have been about them. I'm learning to ALWAYS be thankful in EVERY situation! Haha

About a month after Jake lost his job, we were facing financial instability again, and were beginning to wonder how we would get through the next few weeks. Then suddently Jake got a call from one of his old supervisors, who had been speaking to one of their old clients up at a nearby Navy base. Apparently, the client was still interested in finishing up the contract they had started with Jake's company, and Jake was the ONLY person in the company who really knew how to do that since he had been the project lead. One thing led to another, and suddenly, Jake had a temporary position up at Keyport Naval Base making the same salary that he used to make, with a VERY flexible schedule that would allow him to go on interviews, work on weekends, etc. It was about a 90 hour job contract, but they ended up wanting to pay him for 150 hours (since that was what they had been contracted for), so suddenly he not only got to finish up his old job, but make some extra cash too! Around this time, Jake's wonderful, wonderful mom also contracted him for a software job at her company which would also provide the same pay he was used to, and even allowed him to work from home. Um, wow. WOW. We were SAFE for at least another few weeks while Jake continued to search for the perfect job.

We didn't want to be too "picky," but we also felt that this was an opportunity to settle somewhere for a while (maybe even sell our house and buy a more long-term one) and raise our family without having to move every year or two. We also saw this as an opportunity for Jake to FINALLY get into engineering (his degree is in Mechanical/Aerospace Engineering, but he's never had the chance to use it!) instead of business and project management. Unfortunately, most of the interviews he was getting were for business-related positions, which he was ok with, but they weren't really his dream, and the longer he goes without an engineering job, the harder it is to get into that field (in fact, we were starting to wonder if he was already too late, being 6 years out of college). The few engineering-related jobs that he was finding were entry-level (can we say "pay cut"??) and involved developing specifications/tooling, building to specifications, or purchasing components. None were the *design* dream job that he really wanted, but we figured he has to start somewhere to get into the field, right?? Anyway, we just kept praying that God would be very clear to us about closing doors that weren't right, and leading Jake through the ones that were (regardless of how right they seemed to us!).

As we neared the 2 month mark, the pressure started to build in other ways. I would be full-term in just a few weeks, and still didn't know where we would be living, let alone whether Jake would be employed. I SO MUCH felt the desire to nest and make our home ready for baby Eden, but we were just so limited financially and knew nothing yet (except that we probably wouldn't be staying in our current home since no jobs were really popping up in our area). As things started to narrow into focus, we were faced with an opportunity in Kent, WA, one in Kirkland, WA, and one in Windsor Locks, CT (about 40 minutes from my parents). All three brought Jake out for an in-person interview, and all three involved some form of engineering (though the one in Kirkland was really Jake's dream design job). We knew the job itself was a major factor, but so was getting an actual *OFFER* (haha), compensation package, location, and whether the one in CT would relocate us, since we were officially out of funds to move. In the end, we narrowed it down to Kirkland or Windsor Locks due to location and benefits. Suddenly both were looking like real possibilities after having nothing for so long, and we were starting to see the downsides of *too many* options! Next thing we knew, Jake had an offer from the job in Kirkland, just a few days before he was scheduled to fly out for an interview in CT! We prayed that Kirkland would allow enough time for him to at least check out the job in CT (and hopefully get a red OR green light from them) before having to respond to the first offer. God came through! Kirkland didn't push about an answer, and Jake had a successful interview in CT (and also got to have dinner with his doting in-laws while he was out there). Jake explained to the CT company that he already had an offer on the table, so he really needed to know his chances, or at least what he'd be looking at in terms of compensation. They unfortunately couldn't be hurried to answer any of his questions, which in the end, left us at total peace about going with the job in Kirkland.

PRAISE GOD!!! Jake is no longer unemployed, and we will *hopefully* be relatively settled in time for Eden's arrival. I just want to quickly talk about WHY this particular job is just so, SO perfect and totally from God (even though I would have selfishly loved to be near my family...this is just so unquestionably RIGHT).

1. Kirkland/Redmond/Bellevue is one of the nicest areas of WA...when I first moved out here, I told Jake that someday, if we ever stayed in WA, I'd want to be in that area. It's a short drive into Seattle, but still gorgeous with a small, uptown feel, AND it's within 20 min of Jake's parents' house! There are jobs galore in that area in case we ever wanted to explore other options.
2. Jake will be a mechanical design engineer, and will be working on a multidisciplinary team to design the aerodynamic exteriors of vehicles...RIGHT up his alley. Like, perfect match.
3. A job like this is usually not entry-level, but he was able to obtain it because of his previous experience as a project manager - everything was orchestrated so perfectly! Additionally, while we were expecting a significant pay cut so Jake could enter the field of his dreams, we won't have to worry about that at all!!
4. The benefits are amazing. Great vacation time, as much paid sick time as you need, tuition reimbursement, flexible hours, the best 401k contribution plan I've really ever seen with a company...and....
5. PAID PATERNITY LEAVE!!! That's right! *IF* he is able to get 30 days under his belt before Eden arrives, he gets a week of paid leave (not including my hospital stay) in addition to all his other benefits!! Eden better stay in there until at least her due date! (But even if not, he'll get the time off; just not paid)
6. It sounds like they have a very quick promotion process that could involve some significant pay increases even within the first year.
7. A hefty starting bonus in his first paycheck, which will likely be mid-April.
8. The company he is currently working with is totally understanding (as is Jake's mom's company), and they are willing to let Jake work from a distance or come in on the weekends so he can finish all that up while still being able to start his new job ASAP.


Really, we couldn't have asked God for a better deal. His provision is beyond what we need; like when He turned water to wine and the barrels were **overflowing**. That's how I'm feeling right now. ....And that's not all!! (Sorry, this blog was just way too important to try to shorten!)

So, we currently own a house in Colorado, so we're renting this house here. The lease isn't up until June, and we are WAY too far from Kirkland for Jake to commute (especially given the baby situation). So pretty much, we know we have to move - and soon. The following things need to happen:

1. Find a new tenant to take over the lease on this house so we can break our lease
2. Find a new place to live that meets all our needs and is actually affordable near Kirkland
3. Figure out where I'm going to deliver since our original hospital will probably be too far now...remember, I had like a 2 hour labor with Eli and showed up at the hospital basically ready to push. Hospitals more than 20 min away aren't an option.
4. Along with #3, interview and decide on a new midwife and new pediatrician
5. Pack our house and move in a timeline that works for the new tenant, and our new landlord. Easier said than done at almost 36 weeks preggo...

Did I mention I'm due in less than 5 weeks? If you want something to pray for, you could start with asking God to keep Eden in there until at LEAST my due date, for so many reasons! hahaha

Anyway, so far, God has already begun to answer #1 and #3, which was more complicated than expected. We live in an adorable little house right on the water, but it's age and size aren't everyone's cup of tea. ...oh, and the fact that there is no dishwasher... So far we've had like 6 showings, and no applications. I was starting to get pretty anxious about it, and then one day, God put this couple on our doorstep (her name is also Sarah), and they want it. They don't care about lack of closet space, a detached garage with no opener, and no dishwasher. They LOVE the location and the view, and really, really REALLY want it!! YAY!!! We'll all be meeting up with the landlord on Sunday, but it sounds like it might work, and the great thing is that they are willing to move in whenever we're ready for them. For #3, we interviewed a midwife at a brand new hospital in Issaquah today. I was a little concerned because I had a waterbirth with Eli (and LOVED it), but my old hospital is the only one that does that in WA, and I really don't want all the protocol-related unnecessary medical intervention that most hospitals do (we are limited to a hospital due to insurance). I was happily surprised to find out that they don't require an IV, I'm not limited to delivering on my back in a bed, AND they have huge, comfortable tubs in every birthing suite where I can at least labor. The midwife sounded perfectly willing to be more hands-off (which I loved about Eli's birth), and even allow Jake to catch the baby like he wants to. This could work out pretty well, actually! While it's not St. Joe's, it's a close runner-up, and they're so new that they don't have a huge patient load (every time we've been there it's been practically empty with easy access parking, really attentive practitioners, and beautiful, spacious, state of the art rooms). I'm also looking into a *small* possibility of a home birth, since this midwife recommended a nurse midwife in Seattle who is covered through Tricare and does home births. I'll have to call to check into it, but doing a home birth DOES require that you have a home, first....

The next step is finding a place for US to live!! But look how all of our prayers have been answered so far, and how faithful God has been already! I mean, c'mon. How can we NOT trust Him that He has #2, 4, &5 already figured out and in perfect timing? Doesn't mean we can't continue to pray, though! So, after this extremely long blog post, if you feel inclined to rest your eyes a bit from the computer screen and send a few prayers up to our amazingly faithful God on our behalf, we would SO MUCH appreciate it! First and foremost, we couldn't be more thankful, and are just so blown away by the way such a challenging situation has brought us to such a better place and truly helped us trust God more than ever before. Our prayers are EFFECTIVE and God loves to answer them! For REALS, people!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:4-7

Bring On The Girliness!

Since my last post about the pregnancy, a lot has happened! We made it to age of viability (23ish weeks), which means that if anything serious were to happen at this point, this little girl could survive outside the womb. Both times now, this has been a HUGE relief for me (that I'm sure not too many people think about) and something that I am sooo thankful for. I am now about 25 weeks along, but here was the tummy at 24 weeks:



It is definitely going a LOT faster this time around! Sometimes I even forget that I'm pregnant (because I have so many other things to pay attention to) ...until I get a giant jab in the ribs. As an update to some of the health concerns I previously talked about, God has totally answered every single prayer of ours so faithfully! After having some pain on the left side (which was causing some pretty consistent, painful contractions), I decided to go into the hospital at around 21.5 weeks. They did an ultrasound, some blood work and a bunch of fetal monitoring, and determined that:

1. I am completely free of infection
2. The baby is VERY healthy, with a great heart rate and measuring in at about 1-2 weeks ahead of schedule!
3. The contractions are not causing any cervical dilation (which is good)
4. My placenta is moving UP to where it's supposed to be, and is not even "low-lying" anymore!

Almost instantaneously after the ultrasound, I stopped having the pains and the contractions stopped almost completely. Now I get an occasional painless braxton hick contraction during the day (which is completely normal), but everything is back to normal! AND my midwife agreed to take me off of pelvic rest! Which means I can work out again, do yoga, stress less about lifting Eli around, and...regain intimacy with my husband (ehem!). YAY!! To top it all off, for the first time in my pregnancy, I am basically free of symptoms and have a TON of energy (I LOVE LOVE LOVE the second trimester!), so I actually WANT to work out and -of course- NEST!

Before I go into the sum of my extreme nesting instincts combined with my neurotic creative excitement about having a girl, we want to officially share some very special news! We have chosen a name, and are officially making it public! Her name will be...

Eden Elizabeth Bollinger! <3 <3 <3

"Eden" is actually Hebrew for "delight" and "paradise," and to be very honest, God made this name very VERY clear to us before we even got pregnant with Eli! Basically it comes from the concept that Eden was God's original design for His creation (which was absolutely beautiful and holy), but also, it's the imagery that represents true RESTORATION of all of creation! It's not only the beginning; but the end goal, if you will. A beautiful, holy, perfect, and complete reconciliation with God that I eagerly look forward to some day! Here is a verse which really relates to that idea of a garden (and comes from one of my favorite passages in the Bible):

The LORD will guide you always;
He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail. -Isaiah 58:11

Elizabeth is my middle name (as well as my mom's), and it means "My God is a vow." Jake and I especially love the idea of informally shortening it to "Beth" and being able to call her Eden Beth (like some people call me Sarah Beth). And, because so many people ask, we did NOT purposely try to stick to the "E" theme (in fact, Eli's full name is Robert Eli Bollinger); we just happen to like E names, I guess!

SO, along with the idea of the garden, I'm already going NUTS planning her nursery! I've compiled a bunch of color/theme pictures and made a collage to start brainstorming. I'm not a huge fan of pink, but I definitely wanted it to be delicate and kind of unique. So, I decided to go with a pale baby blue/teal as the main color, and add in accents of pale pink, cherry red, and even black for a modern contrast. I love a subtle mod garden/cherry blossom theme. I am totally having WAY too much fun with this, but I guess that's what happens when you have to ignore all the girly stuff for so long, and then get to finally indulge. Let me know what you think!! :)

My Word for 2012

A few years ago, some lovely ladies and I started an annual tradition that I love love LOVE! A lot of people make New Years resolutions for the coming year, but in 2010, a new concept was started called "My One Word". This is a chance for people to think about ONE word that really encompasses their goals/hopes/dreams/focus for the coming year. My girlfriends and I took it a step further and decided that instead of focusing on a word about US, we would choose a word that describes one of the aspects of God; a characteristic that we can focus on during the year to really dive deep into who God is and what His purposes are for us. Here is a link to the original post describing all this in more detail by my amazingly lovely and passionate sister, Miss Jennifer Beamer!

Well, every year since then we've been repeating the tradition and really praying about how God might want to reveal Himself to us in the coming year. Throughout the year, we can study that characteristic of God in more detail through scripture, and also begin to recognize how He is showing Himself in that way via little reminders in daily life. It has been an absolutely amazing process for me to begin to discover the identity of God and His passions, and is definitely a tradition worth holding on to!

THIS year, after praying about it for some time, God is showing me that He wants to be my "FIRM FOUNDATION" in 2012. I thought this was rather interesting, because it's not a typical name that you hear throughout the Bible, like "Price of Peace" or "Healer" or "Provider," but it's definitely the aspect that God wants to show me. I'm kind of excited because it can mean so many different things depending on the circumstance, and yet in EVERY circumstance it seems applicable because God is the source and the foundation of every good thing! In fact, soon after choosing this characteristic, I've had this verse going over and over in my head (I chose KJV because I like it the most, but all the versions have a slightly different way of describing the same thing):

For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are ALL things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen. -Romans 11:36

I'm SO excited about what God's going to do and how He is going to choose to reveal Himself in small AND big ways this year! Does anyone else want to partner with me in praying about/choosing a characteristic? Here is a list to get you thinking, but it doesn't have to come from that; God is WAY bigger than that list! I'd love to know which words you choose and the little ways that God is using them to teach you more during the year! Many blessings to you this year!!

Baby Girl!

A LOT has happened since our last post (sorry about that!). Eli turned one on October 30th, and we enjoyed a fun family gathering at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I tried my hand at making a pretty fondant elephant-themed cake for the family to enjoy (almond flavor with layers of swiss meringue buttercream and raspberry jam), and Grandma made Eli his very own smash cake shaped like an elephant and covered in his favorite food - blueberries! Even though he was pretty stuffed on dinner, he really enjoyed it!



As an update with Eli's development, he is making some amazing strides! He FINALLY started crawling just before 11 months, but didn't stay satisfied with that for very long! He's been totally upright and cruising around on furniture (with the occasional stationary independent stand) since around then, and we think he's definitely getting close to independent walking soon! The good news is that we had a comprehensive evaluation done by early intervention and he doesn't even qualify for services of any kind, and came out in the 95% for communication and cognitive parts, so he's definitely doing well overall! Just does things on his own time, I guess!

The weekend after Thanksgiving, my AMAZING, determined, driven, and committed husband ran the Seattle Marathon!! He did SO well, despite the freezing horizontal rain and wind, and finished it right around his goal time of 4 hours and 30 minutes! He is now determined to run at least 2 next year, and is back into training mode already! The next one will be in Yakima (eastern WA) at the end of March, and then we're hoping to go up to Canada for another one in November. Eli and I are SO SO SO SO proud of him!! Here he is about to cross the finish line:


And our biggest piece of news is that Eli will have a baby sister on/around May 3rd, 2012! Jake and I talked and prayed about it a lot, and really felt like we wanted 2 babies pretty close together in age (between 18 and 24 months apart), and on our first try, we succeeded....again! We're talented like that. HAHA!! So, Eli and his little sister will be almost exactly 18 months apart, which was the age difference between my dad and his brother, and between Jake and his sister Cassie. I'm totally ok with double diaper duty for a little while rather than 5-6 straight years of diaper duty, and we are SO excited that they will be close in age and hopefully great friends! Here is the first ultrasound picture from 9 weeks:


This little baby girl has been EXTREMELY active - I was feeling her move around 13 weeks, and could literally see her kicking from the outside of my belly at 17 weeks! She has had a perfect heart rate between 150 and 155 (which is about 10-15 beats higher than Eli's was - it seems to be true that girls tend to have higher heart rates), is a perfect size and appears to be in perfect health! Praise God! We had our 19 week ultrasound on December 9th while my mom was in town visiting, and she was the first to find out the gender! Jake and I waited to find out until the following night with the rest of Jake's family. This time, we chose to have a dozen cupcakes made at the same bakery that did Eli's gender reveal cake. My mom called them with the gender, and we asked them to pipe some pink or blue frosting into the middle of one of the cupcakes after they were cooked. That way, the whole family would eat them together, and one special person would get to make the announcement! Jake's sister Cassie was the one to officially reveal the PINK inside her cupcake, and it was SUCH a wonderful surprise because for whatever reason, I had convinced myself that this would be another boy! We actually got the reveal on tape! My favorite part is how happy and giddy Jake is! He is a VERY proud papa, and can't wait to have a little girl (he's even been excited to go shopping for girl clothes with me! It's adorable!):



Can you tell I really thought it was a boy?? Thankfully, I'm not nearly as nauseous this time around (though I have gotten sick a few times, even past the 20 week point), and even though I'm showing a little earlier this time (which I actually love...it was no fun when no one noticed I was preggo last time until almost 7 months!), I'm on about the same track for weight gain with a goal of 25 pounds, and I think I'm carrying her in about the same way. There HAVE been a few issues, however...

At my last ultrasound, they mentioned that even though the baby is very healthy, they were a little concerned that my placenta was laying so close to the cervix. This is called "low-lying placenta" and CAN develop into placenta previa, where the placenta covered the opening of the cervix and presents a risk for bleeding, premature labor, and will eventually require a c-section. Only a small percentage of low-lying placentas actually become a problem; most move up into a normal area as the uterus grows. So, at 28 weeks, they will repeat the ultrasound and see where things stand. In the meantime, I have to take it easy (which means no strenuous activity, and NO YOGA!!! :( :( :() so I've been letting Jake carry Eli whenever possible, and am getting back into knitting to force myself to sit still during the day. The other thing that's been happening since almost exactly 20 weeks is that I've been having some pretty intense discomfort pretty frequently, and I'm pretty sure that I'm having braxton hicks contractions. Those are pretty typical, even as early as 20 weeks, though most moms don't notice them or aren't bothered by them. Unfortunately, mine have been more frequent than normal (every 3 or 4 minutes for hours at a time sometimes), and can get very painful. I actually had a similar experience with Eli during the last 4-6 weeks of my pregnancy, and the midwives told me it was basically "prodromal labor" - anyone who has no idea what that is, be THANKFUL. It's worse than real labor, as far as I'm concerned, and very, very fatiguing when it happens for weeks and weeks at a time with no progress. Mine felt so much like true labor that when I finally did go into labor, I didn't even feel any different until transition. On the plus side, my actual labor was only 2.5 hours, so I guess all that uterine work paid off!

This time, I'm a little concerned because I'm still WAY too early to be having consistent contractions, and they are bothersome enough that it's hard to get stuff done during the day. They don't go away when I change position, lay down, take a bath/shower, drink tons of water, etc. That's just how my uterus is. Lucky me. If you're reading this, please join me in prayer that my placenta will return to the normal position, and that these contraction-like pains will subside. My biggest concern isn't so much my discomfort, but the wellbeing of this baby girl! I can't WAIT to hit age of viability (23ish weeks) just so I can know there is a chance of everything being ok no matter what. Best case scenario is that I make it to term, am able to have another natural, non-medicated birth, and have another short labor because of all the preparatory work my uterus has already done! But no matter what, I trust in my God and His power to heal and care for the people he loves, even the tiny, little, unborn ones! This is all in His hands, and it's actually such a relief to know that in the midst of so many things going on. She is just as active as ever, jumping around in there like a Mexican jumping bean, which has been a wonderful reassurance on an hourly basis that she is doing ok! What a blessing! :)

Half-way there at 20 weeks!

9 Months ...Of Learning

I pretty much knew that being a mommy was going to be amazing (those of you who know me at all know that I've wanted nothing more than about a gazillion babies since I was 2), but I guess what I didn't expect was the extent that my CHILD could make amazing changes in other people's lives, even before he could talk. But before getting into that, let's backtrack really quickly so I can fill you in on some of the new and exciting parts of our world since I last blogged.

Eli is a whopping 9 months old now! He is saying "mamamamamamamamamamamama," "blahblahblahblah" and occasionally "da" (haha). He also has a wonderfully complex little language consisting of many consonant-vowel combinations (with plenty of slobbery raspberries thrown in for good measure). Contrary to what his linguistic choices suggest, his face absolutely lights up every time Daddy or Toby walk in the room (his consistent "Toby" sound is kind of a guttural grunt with his mouth closed). "mamamamamama" is his default noise, though "MA!!" is reserved for frustrating circumstances only.

Eli's "Foods I have Tried" archive now includes avocado, pear, sweet potato, apple, carrot, peach, asparagus, spinach, apricot, green bean, parsnip, blueberry, cherry, corn, potato salad, orange, grape, peas, scrambled egg yolk, bread, yogurt, graham crackers, quiche, hummus, rice, chicken, turkey, toast with a little butter, a couple types of fish, pasta, soft cheese, and dungeness crab (yes, he has good taste!). Of these, his favorites at the moment are blueberries, white peaches, asparagus, bread, and hummus. I love that we can just hand him big chunks of bread, crackers, or fruit that he can take bites out of, or put a variety of small things on his tray and let him practice his pincer grasp.

In terms of his motor skills, we recently learned from a chiropractor that some of Eli's reflexes (leg/hip areas) are still a little immature, hence his tendency to straighten his legs out (makes sense considering how much he's wanted to WALK since he was about 2 weeks old). This in turn has impacted his ability to crawl because he doesn't want to bend at the hip to bring his legs up underneath him. The good news is that he has perfect strength and tone, and no indication of neurological problems, so we're going to be working on some home exercises from the chiro, and his PT in order to loosen up those joints a bit! And that brings me back to my original comments. When Eli started showing signs of motor delay, a few things started to happen:

Number one, my own insecurities started coming to the surface regarding my ability to parent effectively. It's so funny that God gave me a passion for infant/child development, and that for years I've been essentially "practicing" on how to become the best possible mommy that I can be. I've worked in day cares and nurseries since I was 9, made honors in Human Development at an Ivy League university, and went on to work with neuropsychological disorders at Harvard Medical School, children and low-income families with special needs at the CDC in Colorado Springs, and coordinated clinical research for the Dept of Rehabilitation at UC Denver School of Medicine/The Children's Hospital. I don't air out my laundry list to brag, but to emphasize how enthusiastically, whole-heartedly, ENTIRELY committed I was from day one of my pregnancy to do EVERYTHING right in order to raise a happy, healthy child. I knew everything from the benefits of breastfeeding, to the timing/method of food introduction, to the most stimulating types of toys and books, to the best ways to encourage early language development. As far as I was concerned, I was going to raise the happiest, most well-adjusted, developmentally advanced little baby there ever was...And then, thankfully, God decided to cure me of my selfish desire to control. He blessed me with Eli, who simultaneously fell short of, and magnificently surpassed my every expectation (though MUCH more of the latter!). But I still couldn't get it out of my head. Why wasn't he rolling over much? How come he still has a flat spot on his head?? I've kept him off of his back since he was 2 months old, except when he rolls from side to back while sleeping!! I've made sure he's had even more tummy time than what's recommended (literally from day one), and he still hates it, and is still nowhere near crawling at 9 months. I've kept him out of the Johnny Jumpers entirely, and yet he has more leg rigidity than most kids who spend time in them every day. WHY isn't my child succeeding when I'm doing everything right, God??? That's when I heard, "How do you measure success, beloved?" and "Why are you making this about YOU?"

Number two, I noticed that people in Eli's life (people who love him and are honestly concerned for him) began to worry about him. This includes our extended family and some close friends. They were anxious about the same things I was (though, I try to tell myself, at least, that they weren't blaming me). Now it had moved on from my own problematic self-scrutiny to some pretty intense anxiety in other family members. And so began the exhaustive "rule-out" process. Part of the problem was that there didn't seem to be anything "wrong" with Eli. If he had received a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy or Down Syndrome, for instance, I would know what I'm dealing with, and confidently proceed onward with the necessary assistance. But this was different. So, we saw a PT to rule out tone issues, we had a CT scan to rule out neurological or cranial issues, we've been set up with a number of pediatricians, developmental pediatricians, and geneticists to rule out developmental/genetic causes. As we did all this, the anxiety seemed to intensify, while at the same time, a still, small voice kept repeating, "Why don't you trust me, beloved? Why can't you see the way I've gifted him? Why can't you cast your anxieties on me and be thankful?"

I maintained a steady stream of ignorance toward that voice (after all, I was busy figuring out what was so terribly wrong with my child!!) until one day, a particularly anxious family member, who hadn't been able to sleep all night after hearing about the possibility of "craniosynostosis" from someone who knew nothing about Eli, urged me desperately to schedule his CT scan as soon as possible. It was then that I suddenly KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that my child did NOT have craniosynostosis, nor was he suffering from any other debilitating developmental disorder. God totally opened my eyes to his provisions, yet again, and also allowed me to see that this fear was an attack. From the time Eli was born, Eli has been the sweetest, most joyfully content, loving, peaceful, patient, gentle baby I've ever seen. Not to mention his tendency toward deep thought, and emotional understanding, but those have always turned into compensatory excuses for why he's not catching up physically; "Maybe he'll just be really smart, or really social, and not be as physical," "Babies only develop one major area at a time, and he's more advanced in language skills, so that's why he's behind physically," or "He's just a really deep thinker and is more interested in observing things rather than being motivated to move around and interact with them." Regardless of whether any of these are actually true, I realized that it doesn't matter one bit. God defines success differently than we do, and He gave Eli the fruits of the Spirit because Eli is made in His image (see Galations 5:22-23), and is being shaped into a man after God's own heart! Eli is here for a very important reason, and Jake and I believe deep down that it's a BIG reason...God is going to use him in a very powerful way. And all of our fears about him being slow to crawl (kinda silly in the scope of life, isn't it?), or having craniosynostosis (which I've always known that he doesn't have) is actually an enemy tactic of DETRACTING our attention from the child God created Eli to be! As I spoke to this anxious family member, I felt the words come out of me and they weren't mine.

"Eli has been chosen by God - he is gifted in ways that we're not even paying attention to because we're so scared of what could be "wrong" with him. I KNOW there is NOTHING wrong with him! God has given me a peace about this, and I think we just have to trust that God is going to take care of Eli even better than any of us could. We just need to TRUST Him and SEE Eli for the amazing, blessed, world-changing man after God's heart that we believe he is becoming! Anything else is not from God."

We still had the scheduled CT scan done (and saw a number of other specialists who have given us good tips about how to encourage more motor activity, etc.), but one thing has been consistent: NO ONE has found ANY abnormalities or disorders to speak of! Eli is perfectly healthy and happy. I've just been measuring success wrong. And already, Eli is teaching me (and the whole extended family) what true, Godly success really is. And, what trust is. And what relenting control means! I thank God for blessing me with this amazing child - EXACTLY the way he is - every day!

Linden Lane - Before and After

We are finally feeling settled in our new home (though we still have a LOT to organize in the garage and in the 2 rooms upstairs!). Here are some before pictures as we were moving in:

Living room


Bathroom



***********AND THE AFTER PHOTOS (we still have some work to do, but it's getting there!)*********

Looking at kitchen from front entry


View from the kitchen to the back of the house


Dining room


One end of the living area - office


Living room



Hallway from dining/kitchen area to the bedroom area


Bathroom (note - new paint job, cabinets are lined and filled with linens, new doors hung - new floors to come soon!)


Master bedroom



Nursery





View from the nursery into the hallway


Hallway (stairs across from laundry)


View from hallway into dining room


Looking outside from living area (Toby is chillin)


Back deck

The Big MOVE!

A few months ago, Jake and I were praying a lot about the next step for our family, and we both heard a very unmistakable answer (separately, and then we confirmed it with each other); God wanted us to start living below our means. In other words, even though we are doing fine financially, are expecting Jake's 1 year raise soon, AND will have a car paid off this month, God spoke to us about doing the opposite of our natural inclination to spend more because we have more. Instead, we decided to downsize, and look for a smaller, simpler, less expensive place to live. We also agreed that we (in our ideal world) would LOVE to find a home that was a little more private, quiet, and spacious so Eli and Toby could really run around together in the next year. Of course, those were "wishes" and "hopes," but the reality is that we needed to find a less expensive place that would still meet all of our basic needs. WELL! God really came through! IN SO MANY WAYS! First off, we've been searching for a few months, and have found some cute places, but they were either too far, too expensive still (not cheap enough to offset the cost of moving), too inhospitable for dogs, or too small. Finally, we found an adorable little place on Craigslist, so I immediately contacted the landlord, who invited us to stop by and take a look (this was June 14). We knew it was right on the water AND had an acre of land, so for the low price, we were basically expecting a dump, but we decided to take a look anyway. OH MY GOSH - as soon as we saw it, we fell in love! It's a 1920's home and the previous tenants weren't exactly the neatest of people, so it needs some work, AND there is only one bathroom, and no dishwasher (ok, got the tough stuff out of the way), BUT, here are the things it has (most of which we didn't even ask God for!!):

1+ acre of gorgeous, waterfront property
At the end of a quiet, dead end street (a wooded, empty lot on one side, and a really nice house on the other, separated by a giant hedge)
A gigantic deck in good condition
2 car garage
4 bedrooms (well, 3 plus a bonus room) - all pretty small, though!
A wood-burning fireplace in the living room, and a covered area outside to store firewood
All new hardwood floors throughout, new paint on the walls, and either new or almost-new appliances throughout
A landlord who is the most accommodating guy I know, and is willing to not just let us fix it up however we want, but PAY for it!!
Prime location for fishing/clamming/oysters right on the beach in front of our house!!
Perfect view of July 4 fireworks/Whaling Days fireworks/Christmas boat lights
AMAZINGLY nice, baby-loving, dog-loving, Christian neighbors across the street
Tons of room for gardening (wild rose bushes everywhere, too!)

God didn't just provide what we needed; He provided in ABUNDANCE!! We are totally blown away that this place is in our lower price range, and feel so blessed to have snatched it up before someone else did! There are definitely some sacrifices we'll have to make (like space, no dishwasher, etc.), but that was the whole point of moving, so we totally welcome them! Anyway, this is where the story gets REALLY good....

This was our house!!! It was meant to be! We both knew it!! We decided that night that we would take it, and told Don (our new landlord), so he could cancel his special order for a washer/dryer, since we already had them. In our current rental, they require 20 days of written notice before you vacate. It was June 15th, and we signed a 12-month lease on July 5, 2010, so it was PERFECT timing to give our notice, and be out on July 5th, 2011!!

....or so we thought.

Apparently our *actual* lease end-date was June 30, making the whole 20 day thing not work so well. No idea why they do that, but after reading through the fine print on our lease, it's true. Here is a (paraphrased) version of the conversation from there:

Me: Hmmm...well, is there any way I can still give the 20 days notice now, and then just go 5 days into July, and get the rest pro-rated?
Property Manager ("them"): No. If you go one day into July, you have to pay for the whole month of July.

(This was not possible, as we would have 2 rent payments, AND the difference on our mortgage payment that we are still paying every month. The whole point of this was to *downsize* and *save* money....)

Me: Is there ANY way we can just give 15 days notice??
Them: No.
Me: So we're going to have to pay all of July's rent at this point no matter what?
Them: *Pause*.....Well, if you found another tenant to fill the place for part of July, then you'd only have to pay part of the month.
Me: But, there's no guarantee that we'd find someone...I mean, the house was vacant for at least a month before we moved in...
Them: Right. *Long pause*....
...
.....
We actually have some interested tenants here at the office right now that are interested in moving into a place TOMORROW.
Me: E@#$J#$#(..TOMORROW?!?!.....uuum...uhh...ok..I guess....send them over...? *brain going a million miles an hour trying to figure out how this could even work*

So, this couple shows up at our door a few minutes later (thank GOD I had just cleaned the entire house!!) to see the house. They were really nice - about our age, with a 5-month old little boy). After walking through the home and answering their questions about approximate utility bill payments, they immediately loved it and wanted it over some of the other (currently empty) choices. They explained that they had just moved here for Jimmy to start a new job, and they had been living out of a hotel, with all their stuff stuck in a Uhaul. They were absolutely desperate to find a place ASAP because they only had the Uhaul until tomorrow (Thursday, 6/16), and the hotel room until Friday night (6/17). Not only did they not have the money for any extra days, but it was Father's Day Weekend, and everywhere was booked anyway. Of course, they saw that we hadn't even packed ONE box yet, and realized there was NO WAY we could be completely out by the next day. But, it was in both of our best interest to make it work somehow, so we started trying to find a solution. We figured out that if we could at least move everything out of our garage that night, and move it into the garage at our new house, they could unload all their stuff into the garage the following day, so they could return the Uhaul. Then, we could spend Thursday and Friday moving everything over to the new house, one room at a time, while they moved IN one room at a time. We would just help each other move! AND the new couple was SO impressed with the clean condition of the house, AND the room decor in Eli's room, that they didn't even think we needed to clean anything upon moving out, OR re-paint the walls! They would just do the same color scheme in their son's room! They even said they'd sign a waiver saying that they would take the blame for any mess/damage not addressed upon our move-out. We were getting excited!!! This could actually work REALLY well!!!

....But no. When we checked with the property manager, our little bubbles of joy were quickly popped..

Me: Thanks for sending that couple over! They love the house, and we think we can make this work by moving out as they move in. And they're extremely happy with the condition of the house, and are willing to take responsibility for all of it. The only problem would be that the house wouldn't be completely empty at any point, so is there a way we could do a modified move-out walkthrough? Or at least waive the carpet-cleaning requirement?
Them: No. You still need to empty the house, clean it (including professional carpet cleaning), hand your keys in, then we'll do the formal walkthrough, sign the lease with the new couple, and THEN they can move it.
Me: ...well, is there any way that they can at least just move their stuff into the garage so they can return their Uhaul? The rest of the house can be completely empty!!
Them: No. They can't put anything on the property until the walkthrough is done, and the lease is signed.
Me:3#(*$&(#*&$(*&#$#P(*#PUPR{)(#{(@

So, I proceeded to call the couple and explain the situation, and ask if there was ANY WAY AT ALL that they could just extend their Uhaul reservation just another day or 2 so we can empty everything out of the house completely. While they checked on it, we realized that although we had access to the garage at the new house, we still didn't have a key to the house itself. For some of our nicer furniture, etc., we really needed to be able to move in to the house and not the garage. Unfortunately, the landlord said he lived near Seattle, and we had no time for him to mail the key. My in-laws said they'd take the day off to come out and help us move on Friday (6/17), and since they could probably pass through Seattle on the way, I called the landlord to see if they could get the key from him. That's when he told me that he didn't actually live "in" Seattle ........(oohhh great..)

..He lives in Fall City - which just HAPPENS TO BE LIKE 2 MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD FROM JAKE'S PARENTS' HOUSE!!!! Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions! He had absolutely no problem with them coming to get the key from him so we could start to move in the next day (Friday). So, that was taken care of, but we still didn't know if the new tenants were going to agree to everything! Finally, we heard back from them, and they said that because they have the hotel through Friday night, they could probably figure out a way to pay for the Uhaul through Saturday at the latest, giving us a little more time to move EVERYTHING out AND clean the entire 2500 square foot house for the walkthrough. Then, they could move in on Saturday night. OK!!! We're back to a workable (albeit challenging) plan! So, I called the property manager again...

Me: OK! They're willing to extend the Uhaul through Saturday, but they only have the hotel through Friday night, so is it ok if we plan to be out by Saturday morning, then you can do the walkthrough, and they can move in later that day??????????????
Them: No. We don't work on the weekends. EVEN if we felt like being nice, and decided to do the walkthrough on Saturday, they'd absolutely have to wait until Monday to sign the lease and move in. We don't do lease signing on weekends.
Me: *sound of heart deflating....again...* ...And I don't suppose they can just move their stuff into the garage on the weekend after we clean it and turn our keys in?
Them: No. They have to sign the lease first.
Me: OF COURSE THEY DO. *mentally punching something*

At this point I was almost in tears from the sheer insanity of all of this. There were things that were CLEARLY from God, and multiple confirmations that all this was supposed to happen, but then every single time we find a (nearly impossible) solution to a nearly impossible problem, it gets shot down. It was highest highs and lowest lows like this for the entire day on Thursday, and after many conversations with Jake and my very wise mother-in-law, I finally decided to offer a last-ditch effort, and ask the new tenants if they can make it to Monday by staying in our guest room for a couple nights to offset the cost of keeping the Uhaul over the weekend. There is no other explanation (aside from God) that they hadn't just given up by now, and decided to move into a very similar, nice, EMPTY house instead. As we waited for them to call us back and give us a definitive answer, I honestly felt like throwing up. There was no logical reason for them to go for all of this. We had already packed and moved our garage into the new house, AND the landlord had canceled his special order (which costs money to do) for the washer/dryer because of us. SO much energy, thinking, and downright stress had gone into everything until now, and it was just a simple (rational) "no, thanks" away from falling apart.

So, Jake and I prayed. And Taree and Bob prayed. And my parents prayed. We had so many friends and family praying for not just us, but for the new tenants (who didn't show any indication that they even believed in prayer, or God). We prayed that they would make the RIGHT decision - whatever that was, and that God would bless them with the means necessary to make it until Monday. Everything was riding on it.

That night (Thursday, 6/16), they called us back, and told us they could do it. I about melted into a blissful puddle of muck on the floor. It was going to work. FOR REAL. We found out later that they had explained the situation to the Uhaul company, and the guy told them to just take it (for FREE - normally about $100/day) until Tuesday!!! Then, they asked the woman at the hotel desk if she knew of any nearby hotels with any availability over the holiday weekend. She made a few calls to some other hotel owners in the area, and not only found them rooms for the rest of the weekend, but got them the family discount for $50/night instead of $100+!! Talk about answered prayer!

The last step was finding a carpet cleaner....on a Sunday...which just also happened to be Father's Day.......I made about 5 or 6 calls, and most of them were booked out for weeks, and/or wouldn't be able to do it on Father's Day anyway. Then, I found one that was owned by a really nice woman, who had a certain affinity for babies (and heard little Eli talking away in the background), and sympathized with our situation. She was able to switch up the schedules and get a guy (who doesn't happen to be a dad) out here on Sunday morning. PRAISE GOD!! Everything would be moved and cleaned by Saturday night, the carpets would be cleaned on Sunday morning, and we would drop the keys in the drop box at the property management office on Sunday around noon on our way out of town so we could spend the rest of Father's Day with Dad B.

So, starting late on Thursday night, Jake and I started packing like madmen. We sent out a call to all our nearby friends for help with moving, and got a moving party scheduled for both Friday and Saturday. The next day, Jake's parents and the Kim family came out and helped us move/pack at least 60 or 70 percent of the house (and Soobin REALLY helped by watching Eli while we took trips back and forth), then on Saturday, we had help from the Bollinger's, Uncle Keith, the new tenants, our neighbor Craig, and Brandon - a friend from Bremerton. Brandon even let us stay at his place Saturday night since we had no other place to go (we were thinking of spending it on our living room floor), and had to be up early on Sunday for the carpet cleaning. The rest of the weekend went exactly as planned, we were officially vacated by Sunday, and we spent our first day in the new house on Monday 6/20. Jake's sister Cassie and brother-in-law Casey even offered to take Toby for a few days so that I could have him out of my hair while I moved in (Jake was going away on a business trip for 3 days starting Tuesday). So, from the day we found/decided on the house to our first day of living in it, it was about 5 DAYS TOTAL. Insanity. Pure insanity. And lots of sore, pulled muscles, discombobulated packing boxes, a severely under-prepared, messy house (the landlord wasn't exactly ready for us to move in quite yet, but was happy that we did), utter mental exhaustion, but above all, BLESSING and PROVISION BEYOND BELIEF!! Our God truly is an amazing God who cares about the big picture AND every single, tiny, little detail.

I'm going to include the scripture verse that my amazing Mom B reminded me of while this was all going on.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. -Ephesians 3:20-21