One Word 2017

So it's been a few too many years since the last time I posted about my "One Word," but in my defense, I've continued to choose a word each year and just haven't had time to post about it! This concept was started years ago and is explained in its entirety by my lovely friend Jenn back in 2010. This time as we neared 2017, I actually had a lot of trouble choosing just one word because I felt that God was speaking to me more conceptually. It was like I could "feel" the word more than name it, and I think that's because in a lot of ways, my "word" this time is a culmination of many of the previous words He's given me over the years we've been doing this. A couple of my previous choices that come to mind were "Truth" and "Firm Foundation", and in addition to both of these concepts, I've also heard from people "Focus" and "Discern" this year. All of these ring true to me, and point toward the concept that God has been showing me so powerfully in the last couple months.

Basically what I've been hearing God tell me is that we are approaching a time where everything will be sifted through. Surrounded by culture and politics and pressure and falsehoods and divisions and distractions...it is our time as the Church to make sure we are centered on and pointing others toward the ONLY thing that matters; Jesus Christ's redemptive work for us and the resulting complete victory and glorification of God for all eternity. Nothing else matters, and there ultimately is no other truth. Our identity, our hope, our purpose, and our eternity is either in that, or it's not. And increasingly so, I believe we will be challenged with the choice to "hold the line" on that - perhaps at the sacrifice of all else, or fall away.

I recently heard a message by Stuart Greaves at International House of Prayer's Onething Conference 2016 that simply blew me away because it put all of this into words for me, and effectively stressed the urgency I've been feeling about it all. As American culture increasingly mocks and denounces Christianity and believers in it, I've been feeling strangely peaceful about where my focus needs to be and what I need to be holding on to, lovingly yet firmly. We need to be ready to lose it all for what we KNOW to be True. We need to understand that by doing so, we will necessarily be viewed as delusional and foolish and even fanatical - things no one wants to be associated with...things my level-headed, approval-seeking, conflict-avoiding self tends to keep at a healthy distance. But at the same time, we need to align ourselves with Love so intensely, that the only possible outcome is glory to the name of God. If I'm a fanatic, let it be for His GOOD name. If I'm delusional, let it be with an active, genuine love that cannot be contained or ignored. Let my foolishness magnify the One who created life with perfect wisdom and patience and purpose.

The reason it's so hard for me personally to continue to do all this is not because God hasn't revealed it all to me before; it's because there is so much else to look at. If I'm too busy paying attention to the approval or disapproval or scorn or expectations of all the people around me, I can't see the way God looks at me. If I'm too wrapped up in the culture and the politics and the division all around me, I forget about the fullness of God's presence. If I'm white-knuckle gripping to my wordly identity and trying so hard to express myself through it, I lose sight of who GOD is and the way He constantly and beautifully reveals it to us when we seek it.

And it's because of all this (and a lot of prayer), that a particular word jumped out at me today as I was scrolling through an article. It's definitely my One Word for 2017, because I think it encapsulates all of these conceptual ways God has been speaking to me lately about what's to come.

My word is: gaze

I hadn't even made a scriptural connection with it, but I kept thinking about this idea of stripping all else away and intentionally and passionately focusing on the only thing - the ONE THING - that matters, when I thought of the verse that goes, "One thing I desire of the Lord, and that one thing I seek..."

So I looked it up (Psalm 27:4). And this is the exact verse, which explains exactly *how* we are to keep our focus and "hold the line" for Truth:

One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.

And do you know what the actual definition in Webster's is?

Definition of gaze

1. intransitive verb

2. : to fix the eyes in a steady intent look often with eagerness or studious attention

God just blows me away sometimes. And I'm so thankful He brought all that together for me and confirmed so clearly how I need to keep Him first this coming year. I pray He'll be the fixation of your gaze this year, too, in a way that brings powerful, unmatched love and light to the world that so desperately needs it right now.

The Veil was Torn

It should not come as a suprise that

what began miraculously,
endured miraculously,
and was protected miraculously...

came to completion so miraculously, too.

We are so incredibly blessed to share with you the story of Micah's birth, albeit a bit late and probably lacking some details - so sorry about that! Even after months of concerning contractions and early cervical shortening/dilation following a car accident in July, our tiniest guy patiently waited to make his entrance (and we're so relieved he did) the day before his due date and 4 days after his older sister Abri's birthday. On November 16th at 9:34am, Micah Harrison Bollinger entered the world in one contraction, cushioned by his amniotic sac and ready to defy any odds against him. He weighed a whopping 9 pounds, 4 ounces and was 21.5 inches long (all my other babies were under 7.5 pounds), which made the whole thing even more miraculous!

It was Jake's Army duty weekend and I was nearing my due date. He has duty about an hour away (plus traffic) and it was a little unsettling to think about the chances of him not making it back in time, given how quickly some of my other labors had gone. In the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, I remember feeling a few of the annoying but painless contractions I had been having for months, but this time they seemed to happening with more frequency. I got excited, thinking this might be it, but they quickly puttered out and we awoke the next morning disappointed and honestly quite sick of all these braxton hicks. Give me nothing or true, intense labor (which usually lasts all of 10 minutes for me), but leave the prodomal stuff at the door...PUL-EASE. I was so beyond ready for him to be here that the thought of unmedicated labor actually excited me - most women hit that point in the last week or two of pregnancy for their first baby, maybe around 37 weeks for their second baby....needless to say I had been D-U-N dun since 34 weeks this time. (Little did I know that he was probably close to a healthy birth weight around then anyway - no wonder why I was so worn out running after 3 toddlers all that time!). We went to bed on Sunday night after a day of no action, convinced that it really was just braxton hicks and heartbroken, but trying our best to just let go and trust in God's timing.

Lo and behold, around 4am on Monday morning, I woke up with the weird "gut" feeling again. Contractions hadn't changed at all, and were no more regular than they were a month before, but I just felt differently for some reason. I let my poor husband sleep and figured I'd try walking around a bit to see if I could start the action myself. My mom had come in from Boston a couple weeks prior and was asleep in the guest room, but I didn't want to wake her until we knew it was the real thing. After a few consistent (painless) contractions a few minutes apart, I finally woke Jake up and we decided to head to the hospital just in case (considering I can go from 3cm to a baby in my arms in less than an hour), fully expecting them to send us home. We got in the car at about 5:15am, but very quickly my contractions completely stopped and I realized I forgot my hair spray anyway (SO essential, I know...haha.  But for reals, my hair is like an inch and a half long now - I'm doomed without it), so we turned around and came home. We got home and I figured I wasn't in actually in labor, because labor doesn't just stop like that, so we hung out for a bit.

I had a few more wimpy contractions, and then one noticeably different one that felt like transition in terms of of pressure, but not pain. Suddenly confused and a little nervous, I told Jake we should probably leave again for the hospital. We got there around 6:30am but again, the contractions had mostly stopped or become really wimpy again once we were in the car, and my midwife took one look at me and hinted about probably having to send me home. Still not contracting or even feeling like I was in labor at all, they monitored me for 20 minutes, and sure enough, not a single contraction. Not even a blip in the machine! I felt pretty embarrassed and was basically in the process of packing up my stuff to go home, when they finally checked my cervix.

My midwife smiled. "Well, it's hard to reach, but you're at least at 7cm."

Um what.

...doesn't that mean I should be nearing transition?? Like, as in, having you know, uterine contractions? As in, FEELING SOMETHING?! This was possibly the weirdest labor experience ever. Here I was at 7+cm, chillaxing in the intake room, kind of wanting to just go back to sleep.

I'm NOT complaining, but it so incredibly strange to not even be contracting much, let alone feeling anything. We hung out for a bit, then mosied over to L&D. I was able to enjoy the tub, listen to music, and chat with the best L&D nurse I've ever met (Dalillah at Swedish Issaquah - track her DOWN if you end up there, people!!!). We had specifically asked for minimal staff in the room on our birth plan, so it was pretty much just a relaxing, quiet early morning with Jake, Dalillah and my midwife Kelly intermittently. I probably could have just slept if I wasn't so excited to meet this little guy! I was also pretty stinkin excited that I was having a baby without feeling like I was in labor, quite honestly. SUCH an amazing gift from God and a miracle in and of itself!

After an hour or two, my water still hadn't broken and I still wasn't feeling much at all. I started to get concerned that my labor was stalling like it did with Abri (she was basically stuck at 7-8cm for a while because of her positioning, and it felt very low-intensity as well). With Abri, we finally decided to break my water since I was sick with a cold and exhausted. This time I was doing fine, but figured if we could move labor along and have him out a little sooner without all the waiting, maybe we should consider it (it could be hours and hours more if it was anything like Abri). I mentioned the idea to my midwife, who kind of shrugged and said that we *could* do that if I really wanted to, or we could just wait for my water to break on its own, and,

"maybe you'll have a story to tell."

As she felt my stomach during one of the rare "contractions," she kind of laughed and told me that they were barely anything at all, and that by definition, I wasn't even in labor yet. She suggested we wait a little while longer and then do another cervical check and if I was still around 7, I could decide then. After a few more minutes in the spa chilling to my worship music (our nurse Dalillah loved it, too!), a cervical check confirmed that I was 9+cm! It was reassuring to know that even despite the lack of real contractions/labor pattern, I was progressing and he would (hopefully) be here soon! While in the restroom I felt some pressure with the next contraction but still no real pain. I decided to check myself to see if I "felt" complete (ok...I admittedly have no idea what that would even feel like, but I assumed I'd feel something). Much to my surprise, there was something coming out, but it wasn't hard like a baby's head (??). I asked Jake to look because my first concern was the possibility of a prolapsed cord. My brave, supportive husband who has caught 3/4 of our babies with a smile on his face (he doesn't flinch at ANY of this stuff) was a bit confused and freaked out by what he saw (which didn't look like a baby -haha), so we called the midwife in. She reassured me that it was the bag of water since it hadn't broken yet, and as exciting as it was to know I was so close, I was also a bit confused about how this was all going to go down! I didn't feel any crowning-like pain down there, and yet *something* was coming out of me....how much longer would it take for the head to follow? Could I still have hours left to go? What was happening to my body?? Am I supposed to push now or at least get into pushing position now, or something? WHY DOES IT NOT HURT? And yet, my over-analysis and painless experience was throwing my midwife into fits of giggles. She told me that she had never seen such a pain-free labor in all her practice!

After a few laughs while standing there in my wet bathing suit/bathrobe as the amniotic sac began to emerge, we went through a pretty hysterical process of trying to set up the video camera in an ideal spot to capture the delivery on film. Lots of overanalysis and discussion on my part, partly because I wasn't sure how *I* wanted to be positioned. With Eli I experienced some tailbone pain, so I figured I might want to avoid being on my back, but being on my hands and knees all exposed seemed so embarrassing and awkward to me, and I couldn't see anything that way! I feel like normally you're so outside of yourself during your labor experience that none of these things matter - even the most modest gal has NO problem showin' off ALL the goods to the world in that intense and life-altering moment of birthing a new life! But this time, I was barely in pain, and thus just as aware of my surroundings as I would be any other day or time. It definitely made things more awkward, but don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining!

I experienced a couple more contractions on my hands and knees on the bed - this time I definitely felt the intensity and the pressure, but still almost no pain at all.

Finally, I decided to switch positions (facing forward, but not flat on my back) so I could start pushing and hopefully be able to see and hold little Micah a little more easily. Wish such a great view of the emerging amniotic sac, even the nurses were enthralled. Sweet Dalillah was so excited to see an "en caul" birth that she asked if she could touch the sac while we sat there and chatted! I of course was all, "SURE! Go for it!" It felt warm and soft, and was such an amazing relief to feel versus the intense pressure of a head (my last deliveries were also very easy in their own ways, but the last few minutes of pressure/pushing was not my cup of tea). We took a couple pictures that we will NOT be sharing publicly, just so we can remember this amazing occurrence and exactly what it looked like - we are science nerds like that. A second nurse offered to hold the video camera behind us, and we waited for a contraction whilst laughing and having good conversation (about who knows what...I think I was joking about the midwife draping herself with a towel so the amniotic sac didn't burst all over her).

Seconds into the final contraction, Micah's head emerged completely covered in the amniotic sac. This is called being born "en caul," ("caul" is from the latin Caput galeatum, literally "helmeted head" and is a piece of membrane that covers the newborn's head and face). According to Wikipedia, 

birth with a caul is rare, occurring in fewer than 1 in 80,000 births. This statistic includes caul births (in which the entire body is born enclosed in the sac), which occur more frequently than authentic en-caul births; therefore authentic en-caul births are rarer than the statistic indicates. Most "en-caul" births are premature.

A baby born in this way is often referred to as a "caulbearer," or one "born behind the veil" due to the baby's face being covered. For us it was a very brief but special moment because although he was technically "born" by many medical standards, we caught a glimpse of his cloistered little world, hidden behind a shield of protection. Right before the membrane broke during the delivery of his neck/shoulders, we were able to actually witness Micah's final moments of being "veiled" from the world, though he was already "in it." With a gush of fluid, he left his tiny, solitary environment and joined ours. And my midwife was right - we ended up with such an amazing story to tell!

At this point it was very intense for me (a 9+ pound baby was coming out of me in one contraction!), but I could hear the midwife say that there was meconium (baby's first bowel movement which can sometimes happen in utero, and is dangerous if the baby inhales it during delivery), and to call the "mec unit"...I definitely started freaking out a little bit at that point and just praying that he'd be ok. We've never had any issues with meconium, so this was a first for me. As I'm hearing the calls for the "Mec unit! Mec unit!" suddenly the midwife announced the presence of a nuchal cord (umbilical cord wrapped around Micah's neck - never happened before with us). I pushed through the contraction to deliver his (giant, football-player) shoulders, and little did I know that Jake was instinctively reducing the cord (taking it off from around his neck) with the help of the midwife. There was no "Retreat! Retreat!! Something's wrong!" reaction from this loving, protective daddy! In an almost effortless motion, Jake helped reduce the cord, catch the rest of his chubby, perfect little body, and lift him up onto my chest. From the start of pushing to my first hold, it was only *one* eighty second-long contraction (we can verify this on video)! Talk about making an entrance! Knowing what I know now about his height, weight, and shape (can anyone say "shoulder distocia"?), this quick and easy delivery is something I still thank God for, along with the total of 3 relaxing, nearly painless hours at the hospital without even an IV line in.

Those first few seconds were a little more nerve-racking than my other births because I was of course concerned about any complications from the meconium exposure and nuchal cord. And yet, Micah pulled through like a champ! He immediately started screaming a good strong cry, which greatly reduced the concern about meconium in his lungs - the mec unit didn't end up even being necessary (it was likely that he had *just* relieved himself while in the birth canal since that part happened so quickly). He was a wonderful shade of pink and suffered no ill effects from the cord around his neck. His APGAR scores were 9 and 9!

All in all, when I think about the number of things that could have gone wrong from day one of little Micah's conception to our first embrace, I am literally, jaw-droppingly, on-my-knees, in AWE of how clearly and divinely protected he was. He is beginning this life with a beautiful testimony of God's provision and protection, and I'm all the more reminded of the reason we chose the name "Micah" - because truly, there is NONE like God. A God who creates life out of nothing, sustains us against all odds, protects us according to His plan and purpose, and redeems us into His presence through the death of his Son, who by paying for the consequences of our sin on the cross, **tore down the VEIL** in the temple that separated us from full communion with God (prior to that moment, only the most high priests were allowed to enter the holiest of holy places within the temple behind the curtain in order to commune with God).

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split. -Matthew 27:50-51

In the same way that our precious son broke through into the full experience of our presence, the torn veil of the temple symbolized a breaking of the boundaries so that no matter who we are, what we have done, or where we are in life, we are *welcomed* into God's love and presence through relationship with His son Jesus. We are so blessed by Micah and his magnificent arrival, and can't wait to see how his testimony continues!

Below is a video we put together of his birth. But it's more than just a birth video; it's his story. It's the amazing way God brought him to us, and showed us His own glory in the process. (Please be forewarned - it is tasteful, but it *is* a birth - Watch at your own discretion)

The Chair!

Soon after graduating from college, I bought my very first antique item for my very first place in Boston - an old wingback chair with cute character and a tiny bit of life left for a whopping $40. I was quite proud of it, despite it's dated and worn-out appearance, and had grand plans to refinish it at some point.

Fast foward 9 years, through 5 moves, a destructive dog, and a busy kids' playroom, and here sat this old chair in our very tiny house. Torn and stained, on its last leg, and with no place to live in our 1200 square foot home without disturbing us (/me) with a significant amount of ugly.

Seriously people, I tried to GIFT it away on a free community resource site, and no one would even take it.

Then we moved it into the garage and waited for an opportune time for a run to the transfer center. While it sat there, sad and abandoned, I started to feel a strange pity for the thing. I mean, it had been with me for 9 YEARS and I had always given it the impression that I wasn't going to give up on it, and that one day, it'd be beautiful again. I simultaneously started to realize that we didn't have a chair for our 4th baby's nursery yet, since the one we've used in the past was being utilized in the living room now. But friends, I was ***9 months pregnant*** when I starting having all these feelings. (Which is probably why I started having them), and taking on a major reupholstery/refinishing project at this point was probably not the smartest decision.

So of course that's what I did. As opposed to the common "nesting" instincts that most women experience during a pregnancy, my friends affectionally call this phenomenon "messting."

The nursery suddenly became a warzone of glue, carpet tacks, paint, power tools, sewing accessories, and old, dusty, ripped up fabric. My plan was to do a "cheat" reupholstery, and only recover the existing fabric as much as possible by removing the edging embellishment, stretching the new fabric over the existing fabric, nailing into place with carpet tacks, and adding new matching embellishment around the edges to cover the tacks. This was my *PLAN."

Disclaimer: I have never, ever done anything remotely like this, and just kind of skimmed through a couple YouTube videos. Don't try this at home.

So, I got to work trying to remove the embellishment. And that didn't work because it was all glued into the deteriorating fabric and as soon as I pulled, everything just started coming off. There was actually kind of a cool vintage fabric underneath the armrests, so I left that there. All around the outside of the chair, I kept each piece of old fabric intact and used it to measure my pieces of new fabric.

Before replacing with new fabric, I sanded down and painted the wood white. I figured if a little paint got on the unfinished edges of the old fabric, it wouldn't be the end of the world. The white looked great after a few coats over the course of about a week, and a little sanding and cleaning inbetween. It was a careful process, but it paid off.

THEN I TRIED TO FINISH IT WITH A CLEAR COAT. Hugest mistake ever. Apparently, there exists NOWHERE on this PLANET a clear finish coat that will go over white furniture without YELLOWING the heck out of it!!!!!!!!! Sorry, but this was such a huge, indigestion-covered hiccup in the project. I'm still mad about it. I even used the recommended "crystal clear finish" stuff from Minwax and followed the instructions exactly. When that failed, I was in such denial that I actually started to reupholster the chair with the new fabric, convinced it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. Needless to say, when all was said and done, I was left with a beautifully reupholstered chair and disgustingly yellow wood. When I finally came to my senses, I repainted the wood white again (with a small paintbrush to avoid ruining the fabric), and marched into Home Depot, determined to find something that would work as a clear furniture finish. They were basically no help because nothing like that really exists, and handed me a can of spray paint that said "non-yellowing" ....SPRAY. PAINT. Over my already-upholstered chair. The thought of having to move it to the garage, tape it off and cover it in trash bags, etc....was almost too much for me and my 37.5 week pregnant self.

So, I researched online like a madwoman (including Minwax furniture wax, all other options of paint that don't require a finish, etc. etc. etc...), and finally decided to try spraying the paint into a cup and painting it on carefully with a paint brush in an inconspicuous spot FIRST. It worked sufficiently well, and definitely didn't yellow as much as the canned polycrylic paint, but it did make it a tad off-white. I could deal with that, so while it's not the bright white I was looking for, I didn't spend a gazillion dollars or go into labor doing the stupid thing, so yeah. Win in my book.

For the new fabric, I found a soft heather grey linen type fabric at Joann's for 40% off, then an additional coupon brought it down by at least another 50%...all in all, I spent $20 on 4-5 yards of uhpholstery fabric!!! I WAS SO PROUD of my money-saving skillz!!! YES!

The inside sides of the chair were a little trickier because I didn't want to remove all the old fabric and lose the shape - I wanted the easy way out. So, I ended up nailing a few corners deep into the inner crevices, then used a curved upholstery needle (thank you to my husband for suggesting this) to sew in the new fabric along the bottom sides. That way, I didn't have to remove all the fabric all over the entire chair to pull the fabric through to the back, etc. It definitely saved a lot of time, and none of the sewing details will be seen because they are well below the seat cushion. But I definitely cheated ;)

For the seat cushion, I really loved the cording details around the edges that the existing cushion had. So I removed the cording (so it was cut to exactly the right length) and sewed it directly in to the new fabric to make a seat cushion cover. Again, first time doing anything like this, and I did it free of YouTube videos!! I'm sure there is a more technical way to do it, but this worked and it looks nice. I also used some cording detail on the front bottom piece of the chair.

I stretched the fabric, nailed in the carpet tacks, and then once all the paint was finished and I was decently satisfied, I glued the embellishment onto the edges (a pretty grey edging ribbon that matched the grey chair perfectly!).

And it was like the freakin 6th day of creation, my friends. I sat back, saw that it was good, and took a 

seriously 

majorly 

long

nap. (But not in the chair because I still need some sort of ottoman/foot rest to get the whole effect)

But really, I am pretty proud of how everything turned out. Overall including the cost of the chair itself, I'd say I spent about $75-80 on this project, and it's an absolutely perfect and personal addition to Micah's nursery. I'm kind of having a little Joanna Gaines moment right now, and feeling pretty thrifty, too. Ok Micah! We're ready for you!!

Just please don't get any ideas from the crazy pregnant lady.

The Work of a Child - Part 2

Probably one of the most ANNOYING (but unfortunately productive, educational) toys out there (and in "here") are

PUZZLES.

For the love of all things good in this world...

...we needed to DRASTICALLY reduce the number of incomplete puzzles and random pieces floating around in our house STAT. The "lovely" thing about puzzles is that you need to stinkin BUILD every one of them to figure out whether they are complete and which pieces are missing. 

Someone *may* need to look up a psychiatric facility for me when I'm done with this section of home/toy simplification. Or just buy me a vacation. Or a stiff drink...if it's after November...

 First step was getting on my hands and knees, and searching every square inch of our house for puzzle pieces. I combined everything I found with the few BOXES of mismashed puzzles that I already had, and got to work. I'm still missing about 30% of all the puzzles, but after about 3 hours....

What you don't see in the picture are about 15 peg puzzles stacked up along the side of the living room, and about 3 other boxes of all the other random pieces that don't seem to fit anywhere. How does that even happen?

By the way, I am begging all of you to never,

ever,

EVER

buy our kids more Frozen puzzles. They're all kind of similar to each other in the backgrounds/style, have a gazillion pieces, no picture to reference, and no cheat symbols on the backs. I came super close to just throwing them all away right then and there.

After multiple days of never having a long enough block of time to actually finish this project, necessitating multiple clean-ups and re-builds (and hours...and hours....of annoying kids puzzles and seizure-inducing colors/shapes), I ended up with about 10 puzzles to donate/gift to other kiddos, at least 5 puzzles that we simply had to throw away due to missing pieces or being ripped to shreds after so much use...5-10 beginner peg puzzles, and 10 (12-20ish piece) puzzles for the older kids. Of the ones we're keeping, I split them into 4 bags (including a variety of each type and difficulty level in each bag) for rotation. I also made sure to use a sharpie to add a small "x" "o" heart, star, or other symbol on the back of each piece of each completed puzzle before breaking them down and separating them into baggies. Hopefully this will help with getting rogue pieces into the right bags without having to build every last puzzle.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to be done with this. Now they will have access to 5 puzzles MAX during each rotation. And we're officially going to start tracking down and sorting all the pieces correctly before bagging and rotating out with the next set from now on - that's not a huge deal with only 5 puzzles!

Who needs a drink? (says the pregnant momma...)

The Work of a Child - Part 1

“Play is the work of the child.” – Maria Montessori

Recently I came across an article about reducing the toy clutter (of which our home is really...REALLY full - let me tell you), thereby helping your kids play more productively and imaginatively. I was totally inspired as someone with both a background in development, and a first-hand understanding of how easily kids become bored with an endless mudslide of toys.

Boredom leads to the inevitable dumping of containers, scattering of supplies, and entangling of every remotely long/stringy item available.

Which leads to compounding chaos...

Which leads to the failure to create, imagine, produce, or *really* play at all with the abundance of toys available for that very purpose.

After reading this article and another article that the author references along those same lines, I decided something needed to be done in our home. After all, if my kids cannot adequately play, they cannot adequately "do" childhood.

"Play is the work of the child" - Maria Montessori
“Play is the highest form of research.” – Albert Einstein
“Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning.” – Mr. Rogers (one of my personal favorites!)

I immediately started brainstorming. There were components I liked and didn't like so much from the original article. For instance, I loved the idea of simplifying and rotating out toys to add novelty, which is a HUGE motivation for play! However I thought the extremely minimalistic environment in the picture was 1) A little drab and dare I say parent-centered (barely any chance to make a mess) - I don't mind a few messes here or there as long as they are productive and helping little minds work! and 2) COMPLETELY. UNREALISTIC. for a home with nearly 4 small children who are at different developmental stages and often require multiples of a similar kind of toy in order to play well *together* (another skill I am passionate about helping them learn). So I'm tweaking as necessary.

I set to work brainstorming a play space for the kids within the tiny 10x15ish foot room we have available to us right now. As it is we have plenty of toy storage, but most of it gets filled up with random assortments of unrelated, half-broken, barely play-able toys that all seem to need a "misc" box. I've done a decent job of labeling clear containers with words and pictures and currently have categories like "people," "vehicles," "food," "dishes," "music," "puzzles," etc...but each one is SO full, and only about 20% (max) ever get played with at one time. The rest ends up littered all over my house or in the wrong box - a symptom of too many toys being thrown into too many "misc" boxes that are much too deep and sneaky to really keep track of anything well. Still, I feel like I'm at least not starting at ground zero - we have a system; it's just inundated.

My initial brainstorming page started like this:

I basically narrowed down my general play categories using some help from her website, our own toy inventory, and my experience in a preschool setting. Then I starting separating out our inventory in order to get the best use out of each activity. For things like books or plush toys, I figure I will consolidate the massive amounts of what we have, and then break down the slightly-less massive collection into rotating groups. For some things, I thought a "theme" would be fun, so for a week or two, we could have pirate/nautical themed dress up clothes, fish/sea creature plush toys, and maybe an art activity that goes along as well (if I'm feeling particularly zealous).

Today I started with the dress up bin. It's currently overflowing and only a handful of things actually get worn. As I sorted through our collection, a few natural categories emerged (though I did throw in a princess/superhero dress/cape or two into each rotating bag since those are consistent favorites, and Lord knows my children can imaginatively incorporate a princess or superhero character into almost any play activity or theme).

After raiding the house top to bottom for any and all dress-up items, I finally came up with 4 rotating bags - loosely themed: "Pirates/Nautical," "Vocations," "Fantasy/Medieval," and "Animals." I labeled each trash bag, put the 3 off-rotation groups into the garage for storage until I come up with a giant bin for rotating toys, and re-filled the dress-up bin with the simplified Collection 1, which filled the bin about 1/3 of the way. WOOHOO!



I also assembled a clear (easily visible) accessory bag for smaller items like jewelry and shoes - which are (OBV!) necessary regardless of the play theme, or even whether one is dressed like a princess, a black cat, or a police officer. That bag will stay with the dress up bin each week as I rotate. It will continue to be the bain of my existence all over the house, I'm sure - but they are only kids once!











Time to cross the "dress up" row off my brainstorming list, and tackle another item...stay tuned!

Who Is Like God?

It's seriously a sad, sad fact that the last blog I wrote was when Abri was a newborn. But I'll spare you the first paragraph of remorse with which most of my blogs start, because we have something SUPER AMAZING to share with you!

The Bollinger family will officially become a family of **6** on/around November 17th, 2015!!

P.S. The kids are REALLY into Dumbo right now ;)

But what's really amazing about this announcement is the backstory, so please hear me out as I detail how this all came about, and what an amazing miracle it all is!

After Abri was born, Jake and I were undecided about another child. I had always said I wanted 4, but we still needed to see how this whole family of 5 thing was going to work! Needless to say, I was starting to feel like we were missing one more (literally, like I would think I heard another baby crying upstairs all the time and then realize all 3 kids were already downstairs), like there was a void in our family - around when Abri was 7 or 8 months old. Knowing that all the other kids were 18 months apart, we decided that IF we wanted another one, we should either consider adoption soon, or try for another in the next few months. After a lot of prayer, both Jake and I agreed (separately, and then confirmed it together) that we wanted one more baby. For years we had been researching adoption, but we finally took the time to explore the local options (domestic and international), but no matter which route we took, it always ended up with a closed door. Either it wasn't financially doable for us, we couldn't be guaranteed a younger baby/toddler (which was important due to the age of our other kids), or we would be mostly restricted to children with developmental disabilities (which we honestly have no problem with and would seriously consider, if one of our children didn't already have a diagnosis and so many therapy needs). Ultimately, we just kept hearing "no." So in January, we decided to at least give another pregnancy a shot, and see what happened.

January was also when God revealed His "One Word/Attribute" which is a tradition I carry instead of choosing a New Year's Resolution. Basically it's a characteristic of God (not ME) that I want to focus on that coming year. Some of you may remember, but this is how 2015 started for me:

I felt led to remember that there is NONE like God this year, and oh my WORD, has He been faithful to show me that! However, for the first couple months of trying to conceive, it was sometimes hard to remember. Right away, I noticed that what had always been very easy for us (even with a strange cycle, I always knew right where I was, and have always conceived on the first "try"), was suddenly a huge roadblock. After having Abri, it seems my hormones were a hot mess, and not only did I have a shorter cycle, but my luteal phase (between ovulation and the next cycle - should be about 10-14 days) was only 2 or 3 days long. This is called a "luteal phase defect," and it's usually due to insufficient progesterone levels. The problem is that even if you manage to succeed in conceiving, there is NO TIME for it to implant (which usually takes at least 9 or 10 days) before you start your cycle again. I tried a variety of natural/wholistic remedies, and finally after a few months of unsuccessful attempts, I made an appointment with my midwife to possibly seek out oral progesterone (my mortal enemy because it makes me sicker than a dog), or some other method, and to be honest, I wasn't excited about the idea of very much intervention and started considering just "giving up" if it wasn't meant to be.

I was told I had to wait longer, have more blood tests, and then we'd try to figure out a strategy, but I was feeling heartbroken because time was running out for our kids to be as close in age as we had hoped given the spacing of the first 3, and I really for some reason felt this baby was supposed to come in 2015 as a testimony of that "One Attribute" God had so clearly spoken to me. We came home from the midwife feeling defeated, and wondering if it was time to throw in the towel. Maybe 3 kids was enough, and we were making the rest up in our heads? But still, the idea of never being able to hold the baby in my arms that was almost tangible to me already, felt like a huge...HUGE loss. Even after going through a miscarriage years ago, facing the challenge of infertility, even just for a few months, gave me a whole new perspective on the struggle that so many women face every day. I've felt that horrible, horrible longing and grief, and I hear your hearts <3 It was in that grief that night that we made love again - this time not expecting or hoping for anything, but just sharing in each other's sorrow and taking comfort in the partnership that God has blessed us with (sorry if TMI - you decided to read this, and at least I'm not describing milk spraying from my ta-tas like in previous posts).

And then, as I was preparing to go in for a blood test on day 1 of my cycle (a couple days later)...I realized that "day 1" wasn't happening. Suddenly as opposed to the typical cycle on/around day 25, I was at day 27 or 28 and still nothing. That was "late" for me, so I decided to take a home pregnancy test...JUST in case (in total, total disbelief and doubt - forgive me, God!).

Negative, right? Yeah, that's what we thought, too....but then if you kind of look off-center from the left "line"...you can almost....

ALMOST....

see it.

Probably mostly because we wanted to. But there was no line, right? I mean, how is that even possible? 2-3 DAYS after conception??! It had to be our minds playing tricks on us.

I was due for the blood test anyway the next day, so I went in and had it done, and lo and behold, it showed an HCG level of 3. T-H-R-E-E. In embryo language, an HCG of 3 is like....non-existent. That's like someone accidentally got a skin cell or something in the blood sample or didn't read it right. Usually these levels are in the hundreds the first time you test. But, it was SOMETHING, so we trusted that God can do anything


because THERE IS NONE LIKE HIM



and we started on a dose of constant prayer and oral progesterone. A week went by and even on the progesterone, I had no symptoms (SUPER unusual for my pukey self). Just in case, I made sure to take this picture (secretly) while Kate was out visiting JUST IN CASE we could later say that we were both pregnant together (she had no idea I was doing this).

Then finally when I think the hormones got to higher levels in my system, it got baaaaad. I basically couldn't move without throwing up, and that was on round-the-clock Zofran. I wanted to take this as a good sign, but I also knew how much progesterone messes with me, and was honestly kind of grumpy that it was probably just a miscarriage anyway, yet I had to deal with this nausea while trying to care for 3 young kids. Forgive me, God.

For weeks we didn't share with anyone except a couple close prayer warriors, who totally stood alongside me in powerful prayer and petition on behalf of this little one. It was seriously one of the most miraculous experiences of my life. Specifically, my friend Regine, who has such a heart for prayer and intercession, prayed these prayers over us from very early on:

God, I ask that you would increase her HCG levels massively so they would be at just the right appropriate level for this ovum to become a BABY! God, I ask that the oral progesterone that Sarah starts taking will have IMMEDIATE effectiveness and that she would suffer absolutely no side effects. God, thank you for this miracle child. Thank you for this ovum. God, watch over this ovum like it's Jesus, the most precious son of yours. God, hold onto it and through your hands let there be a transference of HCG to the necessary levels for the baby to be healthy and strong as all of Sarah's other kids are, in Jesus' name, Amen

God, protect Sarah's heart from disappointment but keep increasing the HCG so she can have this baby to full term as a natural healthy woman carrying a beautiful healthy baby, in Jesus' name, amen.

And then, something amazing happened...

Amen! We received word yesterday that the HCG levels doubled, which they should be doing every day right now. Good news, but still SO early in the pregnancy, and my temperature has been really low/dropping for a couple days in a row now, which can usually mean miscarriage...

And God, increase Sarah's body temperature so much that she literally needs a fan to keep her body from overheating. Keep this baby in your watch and on it in Jesus' name, amen

(Haha I LOVE how that girl prays!)

At what the midwife estimated was about 6 weeks (from the size on the ultrasound), I had a low-tech ultrasound done to check for a heart beat. Jake was there, and we braced ourselves to find out if this was a baby or just a blighted ovum. The ultrasound showed a yolk sack, but no "baby." Our hearts dropped. We were told it *could* be because it was still so early, but there was no way to tell right now. Usually there is at least an incling of a heartbeat at 6 weeks, and some visible form of a baby...so we tried not to get our hopes up, but we couldn't help but feel God's presence and peace over the situation, especially with all that prayer surrounding us. A couple weeks later, we braced ourselves for a more conclusive ultrasound - this would tell us for sure. I prepared by asking for more prayer from sweet Regine...

Hey lady! Thanks for the good word today! I know it will reach a lot of people's hearts! Also, I wanted to let you know that I have another ultrasound scheduled today! The last one was really inconclusive - there was no heartbeat, but that could have been because it was still too early. I'm praying for clear confirmation today, and a visible, healthy heartbeat!

Yes!!!! Thank you for letting me know that!! I've been meaning to message you to ask what's been going on with the update.. WOW! this is sooo exciting!!!!! What time's your appointment?

About to start now! (We both prayed)

....

Oh my word...

praise God!!! There was a clear, strong heartbeat!!!!!!!! 

Everything looked very healthy and amazing - this is such a miracle! I can't thank you 

enough for the powerful, effective prayers!!

Based on dating from the second ultrasound, it turns out that the first ultrasound was only at 5 weeks, which explains the absence of a heart beat. Only God had the power to cause successful implantation in a quarter of the time that's normally necessary. Only God could provide the right amount of hormones when my body was fluctuating, even on the oral progesterone. Only God could create such a beautiful, perfect little life from nothing...


because people. There is NONE like GOD!

AND THEN! We found out (early at 10 weeks, because of an amazing new blood test that is offered and didn't even exist during Abri's pregnancy that I knew of!) that it's a BOY!! 

14 weeks - Hi, World!

14 week profile

Seriously guys, who is like God? There is none like Him. It was funny, because before we even knew the gender, Jake and I agreed that God had already chosen a perfect name for this little miracle baby. And He told it to us way back before we had even decided to try for another pregnancy.

Who is a God like you,
    who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
    of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
    but delight to show mercy.

Micah 7:18

Micah (/ˈmaɪkə/; Hebrew: מִיכָה) - Hebrew variant of Michael - Who is like God? Gift from God

Please join us as we prepare to welcome baby MICAH into our family this November - a living testimony of the power and sovereignty of a God who can do anything!!

11-12-13

As I type this, our newest bundle is sitting happily on my lap watching my fingers and hiccupping while her older siblings nap. I am reminded every day how incredibly blessed I am to live this life and to have been chosen as the mommy to these three amazing children. God has been so faithful in His plan for each one of them, and it's about time we shared the story of sweet Abri Joan's arrival into this world!

Like all my pregnancies, I started experiencing uncomfortable contractions between 17 and 20 weeks. But after one night in the ER at 28 weeks, we learned that I was already dilated to 2cm! I tried to stay as inactive as possible (chasing two toddlers around all day....), but I was almost positive that Abri would come early and remember feeling SO much relief as each week passed and we finally made it to full-term. And then...the weeks started to drag on and my hopes of her coming early started to dwindle. I had been extremely prepared the whole time (given how quickly the other two came). We had back-up plans, back-up plans for our back-up plans, and even packed the car each night just in case we had to make a mad dash to the hospital. Every night, the contractions would be less than 5 minutes apart for hours at a time (much like the other pregnancies), but they wouldn't increase in intensity. A head/chest cold was being passed around our house, and I was quickly losing energy for what I expected to be a fast and intense labor and delivery any day. I tried to stay motivated, but it was getting hard to drag the kids to school and therapy appointments while being so physically and emotionally drained, always on the edge of having to drop everything and speed to the hospital. For the sake of convenience and for my own sanity, in those last couple weeks we tried everything - walking, "labor-stimulating" foods, dancing, hanky-panky (wink), acupressure/foot massage, a cervical stretch to 3+cm/90% effacement by my midwife...the list goes on. I was terribly sick with a cold that I couldn't kick, and I had a feeling that my body was going to be too drained to fight it until my immune system wasn't compromised by the pregnancy anymore. Heck, just the amount of coughing alone should have put me into labor. But day after day....nothing. Meanwhile I was getting sicker and sicker, and just prayed that I'd be able to breath well enough when the time came.
Oxygen is pretty important.
Ya know.

After a restless evening of obsessive nesting and cleaning (you'd think this was a sign, but I had been doing this every night for like 3 weeks - Jake had just about had it with me), around midnight on my due date (11-12-13) I noticed some mild, but decently consistent contractions. Still nothing out of the ordinary for me. A little while later, I woke Jake up to tell him that I thought this might be it, only because I was hoping so much that it was, and they didn't seem to be going away, even though they still were not incredibly consistent or painful. We didn't exactly want to call and wake up Jake's parents to drive all the way over if it wasn't absolutely the real thing, but we also didn't want to wait too long, because last time we finally figured out it was the "real thing," Eden was born just one hour later. Both Jake's parents' house and the hospital were about 15 minutes away (in opposite directions), so we spent the next hour debating what to do and trying to figure out if it was real. We finally decided that even if it wasn't active labor yet, it was probably at least a precursor to the real thing, and given how fast things can go, we decided to chance it and call Jake's parents. When they came over, we told them to just go to bed, and we did the same. I honestly don't remember exactly what time we finally left for the hospital. Probably around 3:30am. I still wasn't even positive I was in labor, but I didn't want to have the baby in the car, so we went.

We had been given orders to call my midwife directly on her cellphone as soon as we thought I was in labor, as well as the ER and the labor and delivery department, given my history of precipitous births. When we showed up, everyone was in rush-mode except me (I was praying that I was actually in labor and hadn't just red-alerted the entire birthing center for nothing). It turns out I was about 4cm (they checked me around 4:30ish am), and I was actually quite proud that I made it there with plenty of time, but still avoided a false alarm. Woohoo! We hung out, did the mandatory 20 minutes of fetal monitoring (something new for me - usually I'm pushing by the time they want to do that), chatted, and my awesome midwife even honored my request to not have an IV line put in (I've never even had IV fluids, but it's sort of hospital policy to put a line in just in case). We discussed the risks and what would happen if I suddenly needed it, which I was fine with, but decided against making me walk around with an annoying intravenous device in my arm. I was pretty exhausted after waking up the previous day at 7am, and not getting any sleep, but seriously. Who can sleep when they're in active labor (without drugs)? Oh, right.

Husbands, that's who.

It was way too exciting for me, and we all expected that the next time she checked me, I'd be almost complete. Less than an hour later (5:00am), I was 6cm, so that part went pretty fast, and was barely noticeable, thankfully. I finally got to enjoy hanging out in the tub (FINALLY!!! I've waited 3 times to be able to labor in a tub!), and it was so relaxing and peaceful. I also texted with my sister and sister-in-law for a while (Cassie's daughter was diagnosed with posterior tongue tie like Eden, so we had lots to talk about regarding latching behavior and getting her clipped, etc. According to a text message I sent her, Jake was passed out on the chair around that time.) Meanwhile, my texts with my sister went like this:

Yeah. With my history, the fact that it took a looong 40 minutes for me to get from 6 to 7cm basically left us in shock. And bored. We decided to have her break my water, even though I'm generally against intervention, only because all the other times, that was the catalyst for rapid progression, and I was exhausted and very sick (breathing was not fun)...and I figured the longer things took, the less oxygen she'd have access to. Confused about the slow progression even after my water broke, my midwife finally determined that little Abrielle was in a right occiput posterior (ROP) position. Apparently this can lead to 20+ hour, extremely painful labors (but of course I didn't focus on that at the time - I just kept praying that things would pick up and that we wouldn't need intervention).

I kept waiting to feel the "transition" feelings, knowing that I was at least 7cm, but I still felt like I was in early labor. Not only that, but my contractions still weren't even consistent, and if I stayed in one position for too long (or walked, believe it or not), they would dwindle and get less intense/frequent! So, because I happen to have a hypersensitive uterus (weird, right?) I was trying to "give myself" contractions by standing up, sitting down, laying on my right side, standing up, cat-cows, using the ball...etc etc....yeah. Some women are scared of contractions. I was doing everything I could to make them more intense and frequent, all the while chatting with my midwife. It turns out that she has one biological and one adopted child. We chatted about adoption, since that's something Jake and I have always been interested in, and are considering for our fourth. Yep, we chatted about a fourth child while I was in labor with my third. This went on for some time until Jake woke up, and I finally utilized his mad birth partner skillz when my back started to get sore (he learned them in our doula's childbirth prep class back in 2010 and we haven't really needed them yet since things tend to move so fast). For the record, he is a PRO double-hip squeezer, and definitely got his workout in for the night. He earned his keep. This picture was probably taken around 7-8am, and I'm guessing that I was probably about 8cm dilated around then.

Around 8am I started really fatiguing. It was hard to cough (though I always needed to), hard to breath, and I barely had a voice. I also hadn't slept in 24+ hours, so in combination of being so physically sick, I was kind of sleepy and delirous. That's also when it started feeling pretty uncomfortable (still didn't feel like transition, but at least I could feel some intensity), and like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. All you ladies out there - try your darndest to NOT go through natural labor when you can't breath. Little tip. Finally a little after 9am, I felt kind of like pushing and asked my midwife to check me. I was 9.5cm, so she told me to "push to 10," which was the weirdest thing ever, because I didn't "have" to push yet. So far I've only been told *not* to push, so the idea of pushing before I had the urge was just strange. But it worked, and 3 contractions (10 minutes) later at 9:29am, she was here! And she was absolutely PERFECT and GORGEOUS! We were immediately in love!

Abrielle Joan just seconds into the world!
7lbs, 6oz and 21.25 inches

When all was said and done, Abri was born about 9 hours after the first incling of labor, about 5 hours after getting to the hospital (still doubting I was in labor), and about 1.5 hours after things started feeling intense/uncomfortable. Overall, even though I was not feeling well, we needed zero intervention, and the fact that I was able to stay calm and confident in God's control over the situation really helped reduce my discomfort. Looking back and knowing that she was "stuck" in the ROP presentation, which can take a really long time, be extremely painful, and often end in medical intervention or a C-section, I have so much to be thankful for! AND I didn't have my baby in a car!! My first two labors may have been "easy" and "quick," but this time God showed me that He can take us through the "less-than-ideal," and He is still SO faithful to renew our strength and bless us with beautiful outcomes that we couldn't have planned more perfectly!

He gives power to the weak

and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired,

and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

~Isaiah 40:29-31~