The Bollinger family will officially become a family of **6** on/around November 17th, 2015!!
P.S. The kids are REALLY into Dumbo right now ;)
But what's really amazing about this announcement is the backstory, so please hear me out as I detail how this all came about, and what an amazing miracle it all is!
After Abri was born, Jake and I were undecided about another child. I had always said I wanted 4, but we still needed to see how this whole family of 5 thing was going to work! Needless to say, I was starting to feel like we were missing one more (literally, like I would think I heard another baby crying upstairs all the time and then realize all 3 kids were already downstairs), like there was a void in our family - around when Abri was 7 or 8 months old. Knowing that all the other kids were 18 months apart, we decided that IF we wanted another one, we should either consider adoption soon, or try for another in the next few months. After a lot of prayer, both Jake and I agreed (separately, and then confirmed it together) that we wanted one more baby. For years we had been researching adoption, but we finally took the time to explore the local options (domestic and international), but no matter which route we took, it always ended up with a closed door. Either it wasn't financially doable for us, we couldn't be guaranteed a younger baby/toddler (which was important due to the age of our other kids), or we would be mostly restricted to children with developmental disabilities (which we honestly have no problem with and would seriously consider, if one of our children didn't already have a diagnosis and so many therapy needs). Ultimately, we just kept hearing "no." So in January, we decided to at least give another pregnancy a shot, and see what happened.
January was also when God revealed His "One Word/Attribute" which is a tradition I carry instead of choosing a New Year's Resolution. Basically it's a characteristic of God (not ME) that I want to focus on that coming year. Some of you may remember, but this is how 2015 started for me:
I felt led to remember that there is NONE like God this year, and oh my WORD, has He been faithful to show me that! However, for the first couple months of trying to conceive, it was sometimes hard to remember. Right away, I noticed that what had always been very easy for us (even with a strange cycle, I always knew right where I was, and have always conceived on the first "try"), was suddenly a huge roadblock. After having Abri, it seems my hormones were a hot mess, and not only did I have a shorter cycle, but my luteal phase (between ovulation and the next cycle - should be about 10-14 days) was only 2 or 3 days long. This is called a "luteal phase defect," and it's usually due to insufficient progesterone levels. The problem is that even if you manage to succeed in conceiving, there is NO TIME for it to implant (which usually takes at least 9 or 10 days) before you start your cycle again. I tried a variety of natural/wholistic remedies, and finally after a few months of unsuccessful attempts, I made an appointment with my midwife to possibly seek out oral progesterone (my mortal enemy because it makes me sicker than a dog), or some other method, and to be honest, I wasn't excited about the idea of very much intervention and started considering just "giving up" if it wasn't meant to be.
I was told I had to wait longer, have more blood tests, and then we'd try to figure out a strategy, but I was feeling heartbroken because time was running out for our kids to be as close in age as we had hoped given the spacing of the first 3, and I really for some reason felt this baby was supposed to come in 2015 as a testimony of that "One Attribute" God had so clearly spoken to me. We came home from the midwife feeling defeated, and wondering if it was time to throw in the towel. Maybe 3 kids was enough, and we were making the rest up in our heads? But still, the idea of never being able to hold the baby in my arms that was almost tangible to me already, felt like a huge...HUGE loss. Even after going through a miscarriage years ago, facing the challenge of infertility, even just for a few months, gave me a whole new perspective on the struggle that so many women face every day. I've felt that horrible, horrible longing and grief, and I hear your hearts <3 It was in that grief that night that we made love again - this time not expecting or hoping for anything, but just sharing in each other's sorrow and taking comfort in the partnership that God has blessed us with (sorry if TMI - you decided to read this, and at least I'm not describing milk spraying from my ta-tas like in previous posts).
And then, as I was preparing to go in for a blood test on day 1 of my cycle (a couple days later)...I realized that "day 1" wasn't happening. Suddenly as opposed to the typical cycle on/around day 25, I was at day 27 or 28 and still nothing. That was "late" for me, so I decided to take a home pregnancy test...JUST in case (in total, total disbelief and doubt - forgive me, God!).
Negative, right? Yeah, that's what we thought, too....but then if you kind of look off-center from the left "line"...you can almost....
ALMOST....
see it.
Probably mostly because we wanted to. But there was no line, right? I mean, how is that even possible? 2-3 DAYS after conception??! It had to be our minds playing tricks on us.
I was due for the blood test anyway the next day, so I went in and had it done, and lo and behold, it showed an HCG level of 3. T-H-R-E-E. In embryo language, an HCG of 3 is like....non-existent. That's like someone accidentally got a skin cell or something in the blood sample or didn't read it right. Usually these levels are in the hundreds the first time you test. But, it was SOMETHING, so we trusted that God can do anything
because THERE IS NONE LIKE HIM
and we started on a dose of constant prayer and oral progesterone. A week went by and even on the progesterone, I had no symptoms (SUPER unusual for my pukey self). Just in case, I made sure to take this picture (secretly) while Kate was out visiting JUST IN CASE we could later say that we were both pregnant together (she had no idea I was doing this).
Then finally when I think the hormones got to higher levels in my system, it got baaaaad. I basically couldn't move without throwing up, and that was on round-the-clock Zofran. I wanted to take this as a good sign, but I also knew how much progesterone messes with me, and was honestly kind of grumpy that it was probably just a miscarriage anyway, yet I had to deal with this nausea while trying to care for 3 young kids. Forgive me, God.
For weeks we didn't share with anyone except a couple close prayer warriors, who totally stood alongside me in powerful prayer and petition on behalf of this little one. It was seriously one of the most miraculous experiences of my life. Specifically, my friend Regine, who has such a heart for prayer and intercession, prayed these prayers over us from very early on:
God, I ask that you would increase her HCG levels massively so they would be at just the right appropriate level for this ovum to become a BABY! God, I ask that the oral progesterone that Sarah starts taking will have IMMEDIATE effectiveness and that she would suffer absolutely no side effects. God, thank you for this miracle child. Thank you for this ovum. God, watch over this ovum like it's Jesus, the most precious son of yours. God, hold onto it and through your hands let there be a transference of HCG to the necessary levels for the baby to be healthy and strong as all of Sarah's other kids are, in Jesus' name, Amen
God, protect Sarah's heart from disappointment but keep increasing the HCG so she can have this baby to full term as a natural healthy woman carrying a beautiful healthy baby, in Jesus' name, amen.
And then, something amazing happened...
Amen! We received word yesterday that the HCG levels doubled, which they should be doing every day right now. Good news, but still SO early in the pregnancy, and my temperature has been really low/dropping for a couple days in a row now, which can usually mean miscarriage...
And God, increase Sarah's body temperature so much that she literally needs a fan to keep her body from overheating. Keep this baby in your watch and on it in Jesus' name, amen
(Haha I LOVE how that girl prays!)
Hey lady! Thanks for the good word today! I know it will reach a lot of people's hearts! Also, I wanted to let you know that I have another ultrasound scheduled today! The last one was really inconclusive - there was no heartbeat, but that could have been because it was still too early. I'm praying for clear confirmation today, and a visible, healthy heartbeat!
Yes!!!! Thank you for letting me know that!! I've been meaning to message you to ask what's been going on with the update.. WOW! this is sooo exciting!!!!! What time's your appointment?
About to start now! (We both prayed)
....
Oh my word...
praise God!!! There was a clear, strong heartbeat!!!!!!!!
Everything looked very healthy and amazing - this is such a miracle! I can't thank you
enough for the powerful, effective prayers!!
because people. There is NONE like GOD!
AND THEN! We found out (early at 10 weeks, because of an amazing new blood test that is offered and didn't even exist during Abri's pregnancy that I knew of!) that it's a BOY!!
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| 14 weeks - Hi, World! |
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| 14 week profile |
Seriously guys, who is like God? There is none like Him. It was funny, because before we even knew the gender, Jake and I agreed that God had already chosen a perfect name for this little miracle baby. And He told it to us way back before we had even decided to try for another pregnancy.
Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
Micah 7:18
Please join us as we prepare to welcome baby MICAH into our family this November - a living testimony of the power and sovereignty of a God who can do anything!!
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