Many of you may know that my son, Robert Eli Bollinger was born five days ago. What you may not know is what a testimony his birth was. Unlike me, Sarah has been a long time proponent of the advantages of a natural birth. It took me a while to come around, but with some lessons from a new friend, I began to see that a natural birth was not just about the medical advantages. It was about the the accomplishment and the willpower of a mother. It's like pushing yourself to climb a mountain, when you know you could just hop on a train to get to the top. And its about the power of prayer and the support of family to get you there.
First of all, I would like to say that I am so proud of Sarah and how strong she has been through this whole process. Her fortitude speaks volumes for the type of mother that she is going to be. But even in the beginning she said that she doesn't want this to be about just her. She wants this to be about God, how he provides, and how he makes all things possible.
More than two weeks ago was when Sarah's labor began. It was not an intense active labor, but something more difficult called prodromal labor. This means different things for many women, but for Sarah it meant that she didn't have intense pain, just a long exhausting kind of pain that would intensify for six to twelve hour periods, but never enough to push her into active labor. In one particular instance, after a very difficult sleepless night, we took Sarah in to be checked, only to find that her dilation had actually reversed. During this process we were in constant prayer. We prayed for relief from the aches and pains, we prayed for Eli to arrive quickly, and we prayed for a quick delivery.
Eventually the days of prodromal labor turned into weeks, Sarah's due date came and went, and her frustration only increased. We had to begin to talk about induction and other means of intervention, and this was not what Sarah and I wanted. Eventually we set the date for the induction, but we continued to pray every day that this could happen naturally. Several days after her due date, I began to think maybe God wasn't going to answer our prayers. I began to think about how God doesn't always give us what we want, and that perhaps there was a reason we needed to submit to
His way instead of
our way. But the reality was, that I had given up hope, and I was preparing myself for the let down.
On Friday night, Sarah and I were relaxing around the house, trying to decide what to do with another long weekend of waiting, when suddenly something changed. At about 11:00pm, Sarah's water broke and our hopes jumped. This meant something was going to happen, natural or not he would be here soon. But for Sarah, her labor had not changed much, she was still feeling the same prodromal labor she had been experiencing for weeks. After a quick call to the midwife and doula, we decided to stay home. It could be over 24 hours before labor started, so we would wait and see if things progressed in the next twelve hours before checking in to the hospital. Sarah and I spent the next hour timing contractions, but for the most part things did not appear to have changed. She recommended I sleep, and she would try to if she could.
But for Sarah something had already changed, and she did not sleep. Less than two hours later, at about 2:30am, she woke me up and let me know her labor was getting more difficult. It was still not too unbearable for her, but I have a very strong wife. For about the next hour we spent some time trying the techniques we learned in our birthing class, to see if I could relieve any of her discomfort, but things where getting steadily more difficult.
At about 3:00am Sarah decided to call our doula. She didn't think her labor pains were too difficult, but she was beginning to worry about the car ride. Sitting had become very uncomfortable, so she wanted to make the trip before her contractions became too difficult. Our doula and I encouraged her to wait as long as possible, but Sarah decided she wanted to go anyway. And her instincts paid off.
At about 3:30am Sarah and I left for the hospital, and arranged for our doula to meet us there at about 4:15. We knew that labor would be long and difficult, so we were not in much of a hurry. As we drove, Sarah remained calm, listening to her ipod and squeezing my hand as difficult contractions passed. But halfway to the hospital her contractions continued to intensify. She remained strong and complained little, emphasizing her breathing, and using long monotone vocalizations to dull out the pain. At this point Sarah had an inkling that she might have progressed pretty far, but she didn't want to get her hopes up, and she was fully prepared to arrive with a report of 4cm and a long morning ahead of her.
Arriving at the hospital was the most difficult part of the whole process. We told them Sarah's water had been broken for several hours, and that the contractions were starting to get very strong and close, but the intake through the ER was still unbearably slow. I suppose they see many laboring first time mothers, who believe they are much further a long than they are. But they don't know how strong my wife is.
After about 15 minutes of waiting for Sarah to get entered into the system, and for someone to take us up to labor and delivery, we finally made it upstairs. But the waiting wasn't over yet. For Sarah things were getting much more intense, and the pain relief techniques I learned were really starting to pay off. Sarah was beginning to feel strong discomfort and a urgency to push. So she asked me to go look for a nurse. Three times I left the room to let the nurse know how intense things were, but she continued to reassure me that "she could hear Sarah" and "she only had a few more things to enter into the computer before she would be in".
Finally by about 4:10am, the labor and delivery nurse came in to check on Sarah. It's normal hospital procedure to hook up a baby for about 20 minutes of monitoring, and for the nurse to check a mother's dilation when they arrive. The heart rate monitor went on first, and everything looked fine. Then she asked Sarah to try to lay back even though she new it was uncomfortable. Sarah used a short break in between contractions to lay down. Once the nurse had checked her she looked at Sarah and said "alright were having a baby." Sarah in turn asked, "How far am I?" And the Nurse responded, "You are complete and at a plus two station." And she began preparing Sarah for transfer to the birthing room.
Everything from this point on went exactly how Sarah and I had prayed for. Our doula arrived and she was a great support, and a much needed advocate. The birth was a water birth, and in less than 15 minutes of pushing, Eli was here. Born 7lbs 2oz at 5:04am. It was an absolutely unbelievable process. My son was born into a wonderful calm environment, with no medication and no intervention. He cried briefly to let us know that he was breathing, but then for the remainder of the morning he was calm, content, and alert.
Earlier this summer our Pastor gave a sermon that I call the "Yes, No, Wait" sermon. During this sermon, he told us that God had three responses to our prayers "Yes," "No," or "Wait." Eli's birth was what we had hoped for, it was a testimony to the power of prayer. And an example of how the love, support, and prayers of family could transform such a frightening process into something beautiful that glorifies God. But it was also a lesson for Sarah and I about "Yes, No, Wait." We both wanted Eli's birth to be a testimony, and we couldn't understand why God wasn't answering our prayers. Why would he want us to have a induction when things could be so perfect? As things came down to the line, we began to lose hope, but God had other plans. We needed to just need to learn to be patient and that sometimes God answers our prayers with "wait." And let me tell you, it was worth the wait.
